Hi all, I'm new, this is my first post. From a young age I knew there was something else going on in my mind sexually. I find a woman's body and underwear very sexy and always wanted to know how it felt to wear them as a man. I have always had an urge to take the female role during sex. I am not really attracted to men but do fantasize a lot about sex with men. I'm married and love my wife but wonder as I get older if I will ever get to enjoy my other side. I have had encounters with men on rare occasions and tell myself its therapy to try not feel guilty. I'm in my 40's and kept this secret all this time but I'm frustrated and confused. I'm so glad I found this site because I literally have no one to talk to about my true feelings. Thank you for reading. Peace.
First off, you are definitely taking some healthy action for yourself, and you have also found a safe place to talk openly about your current experiences. Welcome! I am a newbie to all this, but I want to let you know that you are very welcome here and in good company. I am currently undergoing a lot of uncertainty regarding my sexual orientation, and find comfort in the fact that I do not have to figure anything out right now. This is a pprocess, and I must allow myself the time, patience, and compassion to allow things to unfold in a healthy timeframe. I am honestly struggling a little bit to find you an adequate post that addresses your specific concern (as I said, I am new). However, this stickied thread may provide some guidance and direction (http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/7-coming-out-what-expect-guide.html). Maybe you can read through that, and kind of figure out where you consider yourself to be. Of course, this doesn't mean that you NEED to come out or that you need to adopt any sexual orientation; rather, I hope it provides some kind of structure in which to interpret and understand your current thoughts, feelings, and frustration. Hopefully someone with more experience can relay some more advice to you! I wish you the best, and urge you to keep returning to these forums and other similar spots where you can seek shelter, advice, and comfort. xo, Trevor
Thank you so much for reading and giving me your thoughts, feedback and kind advice. I will read that thread but I'm not ready to come out. I don't think I can. I have a 3 year old and I don't want to risk his relationship with me. I feel trapped almost. I find a little relief from some alone time but I never get that either. My wife rarely goes out. It's all fantasy in my head right now and I feel I have more years to come. It's painful. Peace
