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I am a straight guy (until now), and now I have a suddent thought of liking dicks! :/

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by cobbdobb, Dec 11, 2015.

  1. cobbdobb

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    Guys or Girls, I need some help.

    Let me start by telling about my present status: I am a college undergrad (final year), 21 years old, doing excellent in all aspects of life except the one you can guess. I am planning to go for higher studies next year at some good university in US, and I have big dreams to achieve in my life. I live alone in a small hostel room. I usually masturbate at least once a day, sometimes ranging up to 4,5 or more times, I didn't think about that till this point. I just thought of porn and masturbation as a fun thing.

    However, because we don't have good (or beautiful/sexy) girls in my department, I don't get the opportunity to talk to girls or befriend one. It's not like I am a womanizer or something, I don't like making friends or having fun parties with either men or women. Trust me, I don't even know my neighbors in my hostel room. I just have some 9-10 casual male friends whom I chat with at Facebook (again, not just for fun chat, usually its regarding something useful). I do want to have a girlfriend, maintain a relationship, have sex regularly and lead a normal life at a later point of time in my life, but I haven't worried about that a lot, UNTIL AROUND 7 DAYS BACK.

    As a flashback, when I was a kid (I think around 10 years old or something), I did try to experiment with a male kid. As a kid, I even tried to perform auto-fellatio (touching your own dick). Whatever, I just considered those as kiddy things and since kids don't have much of a sexual orientation I just ignored that when I grew up. Trust me when I say this, I consider myself more straight than you can imagine. I have some female fetishes as well. I can even jack off to an attractive yet fully clothed female picture (thinking about you know,... things). On the other hand, I have never felt a single sensation or thought when I have been around men (which is pretty much my whole life).

    BUT around 7 days back, after my examinations, I was watching some porn and suddenly I thought to myself that I have always liked the "Blowjob" part of the porn video, and jacked off to that part many times. I have watched blowjob compilations and stuff. And then, I had thoughts about how it would feel to kiss a dick, and give a blowjob. Then I had the man question, what if I am gay?!. And then things got serious. I got nervous. That would change a lot of things. I watched gay porn to assure myself that I am not turned on, and I was not! at least to the extent I expected!. But then the thought got stuck in my mind, I kept thinking like why didn't I get repulsed by those thoughts and videos?! I googled and I thought I had HOCD (Gay OCD, in which people fear of not knowing their sexual identity). I started exploring treatments for that. Meantime I was less turned on by girls (images or videos, of course) because of that thought in my head. Yesterday, I assured myself I didn't have OCD, since I am not feared by the consequences. I am ALSO NOT ATTRACTED TO ANY OTHER ASPECT OF HOMO-SEX, not the kissing, not the abs, nothing. I have also never been attracted by the looks of some fellow male. I am just curious of how will it feel to suck a dick, and curious of why am I having such thoughts!! This thought is stuck in my mind. As DiCaprio says in Inception : "An idea is the most dangerous. resilient, highly contagious.". I remember having these thought a few times before in my life too, but I have always ignored them. But now I just cant let it go.
    I don't want to judge myself more, but I want to find a solution for this. Trying out the thing with some male is not a solution for me since it will change my life in many ways, and it is not an easy thing to do where I live. I am an Indian and we are also conservative in such things, but I don't fear these taboos, I am just not sure if I really want to do this or is my mind tricking me?

    I read in some comments that excessive porn may "make you like" penis as a sexual object. I know as a fact that one doesn't just discover his sexual identity with one single thought. Please help, what is it that I should be doing at this stage? Quit porn? Quit masturbation? Accept being bisexual? or what?
     
  2. BaldOldGoat

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    Re: I am a straight guy (until now), and now I have a suddent thought of liking dicks

    Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine coming from the other direction as a gay guy!
     
  3. Distant Echo

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    Re: I am a straight guy (until now), and now I have a suddent thought of liking dicks

    For a start, you don't have to figure this out right now. You have plenty of time. If you were bi, would that be such a terrible thing?
     
  4. LiveFree1225

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    Re: I am a straight guy (until now), and now I have a suddent thought of liking dicks

    Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts. As I was reading through them, a couple of points popped into my head so I thought I would respond to you.

    First, human sexuality is a gray area. It is not black and white. Society is quick to attach labels on people like "gay", "straight", or "bi", but the reality is that people just can't be stuffed into those boxes. It's much more complicated than that as you're clearly experiencing. Sexuality is fluid. It is a spectrum.

    Look at my handy drawing:

    |-------------------------------|-------------------------------------|
    Straight Bi Gay

    (I'm such an artist, right?)

    Some guys identify on the far end of the spectrum as completely straight with no attraction to guys whatsoever. Others identify all the way on the other end of the spectrum as completely gay with no sexual attraction to women whatsoever. Some fall in the center middle, being attracted to both men and women equally. But a lot of people fall everywhere else on the spectrum. What about the male who is sexually attracted to women but is aroused by the thought of receiving oral from a guy, where that would not be the case for another totally straight guy? What about the male who is sexually attracted to guys but could make a rare exception for a female, where that wouldn't be the case for another totally gay male? We cannot stuff these two people into boxes as gay or straight -- it's a spectrum. Sexuality is all over the place.

    The specific sexual acts and what turns somebody on and doesn't is even more all over the place. Person 1 could be straight and turned on by A, B, and C with a woman and not interested in D, E, or F. Person 2, though, could very well be interested in D, E, and F with a woman, but not A or B like person 1. And then person 3 could be turned on by A and B with both sexes but C with only one sex. It's complicated, and we're all different.

    Being sexually attracted to women and also being sexually aroused by giving oral to a guy is not unusual at all in this context. It's normal sexuality.

    To address some of your specific points of concern, it's very unlikely, in my opinion, that watching porn or having a thought in your head is fundamentally altering your sexual identity. In some examples to illustrate a point, a gay guy could watch lesbian porn all day and night for years and still not become attracted to women. Straight guys could watch straight porn and have thoughts about dick but still not be or become attracted to dick. The thoughts you're having about dick are likely occurring because you're genuinely interested in or aroused by sucking dick. It's more likely that you're becoming aware of your sexual identity and as a consequence of that your anxiety levels are raised. Thus the racing thoughts you articulated above.

    But there is nothing wrong and nothing to fear. You're a straight guy who might also happen to be interested in sucking dick. It's totally normal and natural. You're attracted to what you're attracted to and you're not attracted to what you're not attracted to. It is what it is.

    My hope is that you embrace it, and truly love yourself for who you are.
     
  5. trojan

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    Re: I am a straight guy (until now), and now I have a suddent thought of liking dicks

    Dont worry about it too much. I think all guys do this, even if they dont question their orientation at all. Or go ahead and do it. what would be the harm in the long run?