i have been with a handful of men, but many more women. when with men it was mostly due to drinking or not ejaculating over a week. the hornier i get the more i want to be with men, but right after ejaculating i feel disgusted. i dont want to be with men after, until a few days later. i know i am attracted to men, i love a sculpted man's body and other ... assets... but i also love women. i always want to hook up with women, but my urges for men are scarce but much more intense... anybody else ever felt like this? am i bisexual? or homosexual? or just very horny?
You seem bisexual by the description. The attractions don't have to be the same way or same degree, but it's there.
Welcome to EC! Here are some questions that might help clarify things. Who do you dream about being in a long term relationship with? A man or a woman? Either? When your at the beach, who do you look at? Men, women, either, both? When you were a young child, did you notice other children? Were they boys? Girls? Both?
In a long term relationship I dream about being with a woman, but I think that's just because she can have my children and it's more socially acceptable in society and maybe even the easy way out . When at the beach , I look at both men and women. Men because I appreciate hard work in the gym and want to critique their bodies , as well as imagining explicit details with them. I look at women too, and imagine having sex with them. With men I mostly imagine me being the bottom: I imagine the man having sex with me and me performing fellatio on them more so than I imagine me having sex with them and receiving fellatio. When I was young, I had no idea. Kids called me gay cuz they knew it bothered me , mostly cuz I was so confused by my sexuality. It bothered me a lot and I used to cry as a kid all the time. I had a couple homosexual experiences at a young age, one with my older brother and I Bury the experience deep in my head. I get sick everytimr I think of it and feel utterly repulsed. Not because it was gay, but because it was incestual. Maybe every time I hook up with a guy, I'm reminded of this experience which I regret so much , and feel sick. I need to stop relating gay interactions to that memory and then I will be able to fully explore my sexuality . Thanks guys you're the best
I'm actually the opposite of you. I'm more attracted to men, and I can only imagine myself with a man long term. There's many times where I just crave sex with a woman, because vaginal sex sounds so awesome. On the other hand, there's also times where I do not have these urges.
Thank you for sharing that, it can't have been easy. It sounds to me like what happened with your brother may have been abuse, and I'm sorry that your brother did that to you. Sometimes childhood sexual abuse can trigger compulsive sexual behavior with the same gender with whom the abuse occurred. It is thought to be a subconscious attempt to reenact the abuse to somehow get a different outcome. The feeling of disgust you describe is common in such cases. It sounds like you are aware of this possibility on some level. In order to come to a full understanding of your authentic sexuality, I would recommend working with a counselor who specializes in childhood sexual abuse, and who is also gay and bisexual affirming. If the counselor is good, they should be able to help you make progress in moving past your abuse, and toward uncovering your sexuality. Good luck, and hang in there.
Thanks QBear. i just called an LGBT therapy office near me to schedule a consultation. gona try to work through these issues with someone experienced in the area. thank you for taking the time to read my response and respond quickly i fear that i want you to be right so that i dont feel im actually gay. mostly because i dont want to be gay. these feelings keep coming up in me, and i dont think a straight person doubts his or her sexuality as much as i do..... love you guys , thanks for reading <3
Glad to hear your taking steps forward to get help. Make sure your counselor also has experience with childhood abuse as well as glbt issues. You might also find useful a book called "Is my husband gay, straight, or bi?" by experienced gay therapist Joe Kort. Although aimed at wives, the book is very interesting in that it includes case studies of men who were straight but acting out compulsive homosexual behavior due to childhood abuse. Good luck.
