Hi, So, I want to come out to my friends sometime soon, but I don't exactly know what I'd identify as? I've done a lot of research and I have a few terms that might apply to me. Side-note: I'm thirteen, which I know is very young for this type of thing, but I've been thinking about this for a while and I really want to figure things out. I know I'll have lots of time for this later on, but I want to start identifying as something other than straight. First, I don't have any real sex drive. I'm not an adult yet (I'm probably too young to, but I don't imagine I'd ever want to have sex.) We've had multiple versions of sex ed classes at my school, and I learned a lot from my time on the internet, but I still don't care about sex. I've started going through puberty (much earlier than my other classmates) and I still don't have sexual dreams or desires. Second, I've been calling myself straight without question for most of my life. I know that most girls go through something where they question their sexuality, and it doesn't make them gay or bisexual. I do have a girl in mind who I am pretty close with and have thought about being more than a friend of hers for a while. All of my crushes and romantic interests beforehand have been male, and I know that I am not 100% gay or lesbian. So, the labels I've come up with vary and are more obscure than gay, straight, lesbian and bisexual. At first I thought I might be bisexual, but since many people become "bisexual" for attention or because they like one person who's a girl (not trying to offend bisexuals, my school is insane), I was hesitant to actually come out as bisexual in case I didn't turn out to be. There's a term, bi-curious, which means curious about dating/being in a relationship with someone of the same sex. I might have called myself that, had I not thought about my friend more and more. However, I've been looking up several terms due to my hesitance towards sexual intercourse. I know asexuals have no sexual desires, but since I'm so young, I thought I'd look a bit more. Demisexuals only have sexual desires towards people they have strong emotional connections to. Gray asexuals have sexual attractions towards a few people, but not everyone. I think if I were any of these, I'd be a demisexual. Since I have no sexual drive, I'm not exactly bisexual. I guess I'm biromantic, bicurious demisexual/gray a? I really don't want to come out if this is just a phase or if I'm not really bi, and just gay for my friend or something. If you could help me figure this out, I'd be really happy! I know that sexuality is a spectrum and it can change. I also know that it's too early for me to be worrying about this, or thinking that I have no sexual desires when I'm only thirteen. But I have a feeling that this will carry on with me for a very long time. These feelings don't seem like they're just a phase. Any help would be appreciated! Thank you!
Thirteen is still youngish, (i don't profess to be old) yet people start to experience sexual desires at different points in life, this usually has something to do when you start puberty. However if this continues you could be asexual. Although this primarily means that someone has no sexual feelings at all, it can also mean you experience a little sexual desire. Anyway i'm not trying to force a label upon you, i think its best for you to see over the next year or so what label fits you the best. Sexuality is more a journey that you have to take. Hope you found my advice helpful and wish you luck finding the label that fits you the best.
Thank you for your help! I always feel kind of like a little kid in the world of sexual and romantic preferences, so I'm thankful that you gave me such good advice. I think you're right, I should just let it play out and see how I feel in the end. Thanks xx
