First of all, I let you know that I put my relationship progression in 3 stages: “attraction”, “crush/like” and finally “love”. I used to be attracted to several individuals among my friends, 9 girls and 9 guys. Among 18 of these people, 3 girls managed to get into “crush”. However, no one ever gets into “love”. Since I was a kid, I have been told that a normal relationship should involve a man and a woman only. Thus, nothing special happened during my childhood. I got my first crush when I was in Grade 6. She was a vice head perfect that stood out for me when I was bullied by two boys. She told our teacher about the bullying even though I pleased her not to. The two boys were punished and I started to like her. She was so nice to me, for example she was willing to wait for me to pack my bag after school. Then we kept chatting while walking to the school entrance to meet our parents. However, some rumors started to spread, saying she and I love each other. As a kid, of course I didn’t admit I like her. I apologized to her for bringing troubles to her, and since then I seldom went to her for a chat. Later in Grade 10, I met my second crush in a student organization. At first, I didn’t even notice her presence. But slowly, I started to find her attractive when she was presenting her report. She was so confident and SUNNY, which I lack of. However, I have never got the chance to know her well. After two years in university, I met my third crush who shares common interests with me, such as anime. We even watched Disney movies together for two times. However, I didn’t confess to her because I was scared for not liking her that much. In summary, I liked these girls mainly because of their personality (even though they are also considered beautiful to me). For guys part, well, a bit complicated. In Grade 9, I started to be attracted to muscular male bodies shown on newspaper and I thought I just admired their body as I was very skinny that time. At school, I was also jealous of some male classmates for being cool, handsome or muscular. After getting into university, things get weirder. I started to notice guys more. What I meant is when I encounter a group of people, I tend to spot the guys who are cool, handsome or muscular, unlike my male friends who always spot the pretty girl first. Anyway, I do admire the beauty of females, but just for their face. For example, Lacey Rogers and Hadassah Richardson from the “American Next Top Model” are beautiful but I’m not interested in their body. Same goes to other girls. I’m not interested to look at girl bodies, whether in real life or statue form. However, I find male models are attractive than female models… To me, Nyle DiMarco, Dustin McNeer and Justin Kim are attractive, cool and handsome. And I also did a little experiment on myself. I watched some sex scenes in gay movie (not porn), this triggered my erection. However, for straight sex scenes in movie, I don’t even have motivation to search them. Not interested at all… Anyway, I always think that platonic love is the best one as soul connection is more precious than sex. Thus, I’m sure I am at least biromantic, as I’m ok with having romantic relationship with male or female. I’m ok with hugging and kissing a guy or a girl. But, I find it hard to accept having sex with male, a bit gross and unhygienic, since anus is really not designed for anal sex even though I know anal sex is common… I also don’t even like the idea of having oral sex and anal sex with either male or female… Now, my problems are: 1. What am I? Biromantic straight? Biromantic gay? Biromantic asexual? Biromantic demisexual? Biromantic asexual? Or bisexual? 2. What should I tell those who I am interested to have a relationship? Should I say I’m bisexual? Biromantic? Or gay? 3. What decides your sexual orientation? Your mind or your body? My biggest guess is biromantic gay. But I wanna know what do you guys think about it? Thanks in advance for reading. I know it’s very long to read… but thank you so much for making it here.
Welcome to EC! And now, to answer your questions: 1) I'd guess biromantic gay, too. Or, alternatively, maybe a 5 on the Kinsey scale, mostly gay. 2) I don't know the social and cultural situation around homosexuality in Kuala Lumpur, so I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer. If you were in the US, I'd say go ahead and round up to gay. 3) BOTH body AND mind (and also, arguably, heart). If you were to try to have a serious monogamous relationship with a women, as much as you might love her emotionally and romantically, from what you are describing, it sounds like you would not be able to have satisfying sex with her, and that would not be fair to either one of you. Good luck.
Hello, As you have probably been told, only you can truly figure out your orientation, no one else. That being said, what I have discovered at EC is that it is helpful in asking the right question, invoking the right sorts of reflection or dialog to help people understand their identity. My experience on here, there have often been rather challenging questions asked, some that I even still have difficulty answering but they are question that help people understand themselves, challenging us to truly engage with one of the hardest mysteries of life, figuring out who we are. That being said, again only you can truly know and understand yourself but I want to offer some questions/advice that I best can. It may very well be that you are asexual and based on what you have said, it is probable. However, you may have also not truly discovered your full identity yet. For example, the thought of anal used to gross me out to and it still does to some degree but much less so now, and I see the multiple factors that could go into understanding the pleasure from it, not just physical pleasure but the emotional pleasure. Being so vulnerable to someone, having that trust. I don't think porn is necessarily a good indicator but if you have had sexual encounters, consider those experiences, not just physical response but emotional. Assuming your looking for a monogamous and long term relationship, emotional attraction has a huge role in the Success in the relationship and perhaps sexual attraction for you grows based on a strong emotional attraction. Go on a few dates with men and women, see how you feel with them. That would be my suggestion. Moreover reflect if you want a relationship, who you would want a long term relationship with and what that relationship would consist of. Good luck, I know questioning can be a long process so no rush
OHHH HELL NO! Mame was so much hotter than Lacey and Hadassah! But, I totally understand what you're seeing in Justin and Nyle they're "dreamy" models.
Thank you for your advice, QBear and IrishBuddha6. IrishBuddha6, it's true that only me who can truly figure out my sexual orientation. In the last few weeks, I had been discussing my sexual orientation with a friend called Mr A. The more we discussed, the clearer the conclusion... which was hard for me to accept it at the beginning. QBear, you're right. I am a gay. Mr A deduced that I am gay and he was right, even though I wanted to deny it. I tried to say the only thing to prove I'm probably bisexual is I had female crushes. But Mr A said that was because I was attracted to their personality and not their look or body, whereas the evidences to prove I'm gay are countless: Love to look at handsome or muscular males, having muscular males in my fantasies, always notice handsome or muscular males instead of sexy females, rather choose to touch a male body if given chance to touch body of both genders, etc. The moment I realized I'm a gay is when Mr A finally asked me some key questions. Mr A: "What if a sexy homosexual guy kisses you and wanna have sex with you? Will you?" Me: "No, I won't since I don't know him at all. Same goes to girls. I can never accept myself to have sex with a stranger. But, I'll enjoy his kiss." Mr A: "I meant if you know him for long. By the way, the very answer you'll enjoy his kiss means you're homosexual orientated." Me: "Erm, if I love him, then I think yes for having sex with him. Same goes to girls, if I love her, I'll also enjoy her kiss and have sex with her." Mr A: "Ok, if you're in love with a girl and a boy at the same time?" Great, this question appears several times in my mind, but I just ignore it. I don't want to think about the answer. I wanted to answer I will choose the girl. But... inside my heart, another voice called out. In the end... Me: "I will choose boy..." Mr A: "Then I'm sure you're a gay." My world was shaking at that moment, I was very sad. I thought myself as a bisexual, at least I still have a chance to have my own family and kids. But now, all of the possibilities are seem gone... There was a time that a large part of me shouting: "Yes, admit it. You're a gay!!" whereas another smaller part of me shouting back: "No, don't label yourself too soon. You are probably overthinking!!" Later on, the more I talk about my gayness with Mr A, the more that smaller part of me accept that I am a gay. Now, I admit that I am a gay. Anyway, reality is really harsh to gay people. In my country, many people are homophobic, even my youngest brother (who is 15 and doesn't know my true sexual orientation) told me that gays are gross and they should stay single. Therefore, till today, I've just came out to two friends: Mr A and a gay friend called Mr B. But I'm lucky to have another brother who is 17 and doesn't care about my sexual orientation. Long time ago I asked him: "What if I'm gay?" and he replied: "If you're gay, so what? It doesn't matter." My parents? Well, before I figured out I'm gay, I did ask them about what if I'm gay. They told me that they are more concerned about my ability to take good care of myself, instead of my sexual orientation. However, I'm still not sure what reaction will they give if they know I'm really a gay. Anyway, I'm considering to join a LGBT closed group on Facebook to gain more knowledge and to befriend other gays... But I'm scared this may let my friends to wonder about my sexual orientation and know the truth in the process, since any group I joined will show up in my friends' news feed... Oh man... Should I join the group? ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2015 at 07:41 AM ---------- I don't know if Mame, Lacey and Hadassah are hot... since I don't know the standard of an ideal female body. So I really don't know...
