I am reposting this because I dont want this to be Anonym anymore. I just feel so messed up about my sexuality. I 'convinced' myself that I am bisexual, but now that I came out to one close friend, I am deeply questioning again. Some background info for you: I am a girl, but identify as mostly genderfluid I am 15 years old I dont know any LGbT+ people irl, which makes it hard for me because I have nobody who goes through the same as I am and I could talk to irl So, my confusion: I am sure that I am attracted to women in every way. I make friends very fast with women, it goes to an emotional friendship very quickly, whilst with guys its alsways a we-make-jokes-together kind of thing. I never really had the chance to have a deep friendship with a guy because (and I dont mean to brag or anything, I really hate it) they told me they'd love me often very quickly, which I never understood. I dont think that is*"real"*love. For real love, I need to know someone and understand them. I dont fall in love easily and I am not interested in that kind of realtionship many in my age have. I like guys and I could see myself in a realtionship with one, even though it takes much more for me than the thought of me having a girlfriend. But when it comes to hooking up it gets much more complicated. You need to know, I dont want to hook up with anyone right now, I dont feel ready for that at all. But the thought of hooking up with someone in far future is what concernes me. I get turned on by men. I think they are sexy. But I cant see myself having actual sex with a guy. Not because I think its gross, but because I think that would be extremely awkward and I would always have to like try to look good or that stuff. Whilst when I think of myself being with a girl, it seems much more comfortable and understanding, if that makes sense. I feel like a girl wouldnt judge me for for example stomach rolls, whilst I think a guy would not judge, but notice it more and the whole male with female sex looks so complicated to me. The thought of being a lesbian has occured to me, but the thing is, I still could see myfelf with a guy, but I dont know if it would really be"love", you know what I mean? I'd love to hear I am not alone with this or any help *Multi-Quote This Message *Quick reply to this message *
At the moment you are probably right to identify as bisexual. You are clearly attracted to the same sex and feel comfortable with the idea of intimacy with another female, but you are less certain (right now) about being intimate with a male. The awkward feelings you have about the opposite sex may subside over time and I would urge you to wait and see if that happens. Sometimes, we feel more confident about ourselves and our bodies as we move beyond our teens into our twenties and you may discover that for yourself. It's easy for teenage boys to declare love for you - and you are right to be sceptical about comments like that when they are made in haste, but it's probably down to a lack of maturity on their part. If you are able to establish a deeper connection to a confident, mature guy further down the line it may change your perspective. It doesn't mean the feelings for women will disappear, but it may help you to come to terms with your sexuality and put the questioning to one side. Don't put yourself under pressure to find the answers right now. You are still young and I'm sure you will discover more about your feelings over the next few years. I'm not saying it's a phase that you are going through, but I'm just reflecting upon my personal experience and the experience of others who have been through this process to try to help you. Give yourself some space.
