Yes, that title sounds terrible. But it got your attention, didn't it? I have a problem. One of my friends, the nicest girl I've ever met, recently came out as trans. Her parents are cool about it, and she's trying to raise money for an op. I have no problems with this; my problem is with the guy she was before. I liked him, really liked him, and now, those same feelings have been carried over to her. So now, I'm incredibly confused. It might not be that big of a deal, really, but I'd still like advice. Thanks Aaaaand now, I've realized this might be the wrong forum. Oh well.
Well, yes, but that was before (God I sound like an asshole when I say this) I knew she was a girl. I'm gay af, so. Yeah.
So, maybe you're more flexible than you realized? Is this an attraction you want to act on? And remember, this is a big thing, something that you need to adjust to, looking at your friend a different way, as a woman. Don't beat yourself up if you are not sure how to deal with it yet.
Oh, god no. She's got a boyfriend, and I just wanted someone more intelligent than me to talk about this I think I'm just caught up on who I thought she was. Yeah, that's it.
Don't be so stuck on labels. You still like her as a person. Love doesn't have a gender. Do keep in mind though that she is a woman. The only problem with dating her though is she has a boyfriend.
This can be complicated stuff. People who were in sexual relationships with trans people before they transition sometimes report loosing their sexual attraction to that person (but not necessarily emotional attraction) after they've been transitioning for a while. This may be due to changes in their pheromones triggered by being on hormones for a while, as well as changes to secondary sexual characteristics (e.g. body shape, body hair, etc.) That said, other sexual partners of trans people find they still enjoy sex with that person after they've transitioned. Its rather variable, and depends on the flexibility of the people involved. That said, it's normal for long-term partners and close family of trans people to go through some degree of grief in dealing with the transition, as they are loosing certain aspects of their relationship with that person. Letting go and accepting change is not always easy, even if it's what needs to happen. What specifically is difficult for you?
Well, I've no experience in this kind of situation but well... It might be wiser to just wait for her to "finish" her transition (as in, even if she still has a dick she doesn't look like a guy anymore) and then if your feelings are still there, go for it boy. That or just try it right now/
She and I were never like that; it's high school. But we were good friends, and I was totally crushing on him. And now, he's her, and I like dudes, and she's still biologically a dude, and the world's upside down. Litrelly upside down.
Yup, its a complicated world. (*hug*) Sometimes when we have a crush on someone, it develops because of who we perceive them to be, rather than who they really are. This is a common problem in relationships of all orientations - we see in people what we want them to be - and when they defy our expectations, it can be tough for us to adjust our perceptions to match reality. So that could be what is going on here. Your crush may have been on an imaginary version of your friend, rather than on the real her. Or, on the other hand, sometimes we surprise ourselves and discover that our attractions are broader than we thought they were. When I was younger, I used to get crushes on certain butch lesbians (still do, actually... Doh!) However, a significant handful of these women later transitioned into men. At the time, I was in denial that I was anything other than straight. But these people demonstrated to me that I could sense their masculinity, and was attracted to it. My inner gay could sense and was attracted to their inner man. I used my experiences to grow in self awareness and learn to accept the true depth of my sexuality. And so, too, can you use your experience with your friend to learn about yourself and grow. ---------- Post added 16th Dec 2015 at 04:54 PM ---------- Also, however uncomfortable you may be feeling right now, please do not take your discomfort or anger out on your friend. I know its confusing and difficult, but there are good ways to feel and deal with your discomfort that don't involve being mean or scapegoating towards anyone. I hope this helps, and good luck.
