Hello there, internet! So basically, I've been living my life believing I was straight until recently. I fell in love with boys and crushed on them, but I never fell in love with a girl. My view of my sexuality changed completely, however, when I realized that I felt nearly any sexual attraction towards boys, but did feel sexual attraction towards girls. I was confused for a while, but then I decided rather quickly to come out as a lesbian despite never falling in love with a girl. However.. I'm starting to feel more and more like the label doesn't completely fit me. I think that it's possible for me to fall in love with a girl one day, so that isn't the problem. However.. I still feel like I experience a romantic attraction towards boys and I feel like labeling myself as a lesbian is saying that it is impossible for me to feel that way. I don't know if it's just because I recently discovered my feelings for girls and therefore was never open to the idea of falling for a girl, but right now I think that I feel an even stronger romantic attraction towards boys than towards girls. Which is kind of confusing me and upsetting me at the same time because I don't know what to do about it, since I'm not interested in boys sexually.... I don't think I'm fooling myself into feeling this way about boys because I'm in denial, but I'm still curious to hear your opinions about my story. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I believe that I may have found an explanation for why I feel this way: I think that men's smell appeals to me way more than women's smell, although visually, women are way more attractive to me. I heard a lesbian say on her coming out video that she got a funny feeling in her chest when she smelled the scent of her female friends when she was little. I don't think that happened to me very often when smelling a girl's scent, if at all. However, I can remember this happening to me when I smelled a boy's scent. How do others on here feel about the smell thing? May I actually be onto something or are my thoughts complete rubbish? The main reason why I'm opening this thread is because I feel like I might actually have romantic feelings for one of my guy friends. He is gay, so he probably will never like me back, but we truly have a great connection. I feel like I want to be with him, but can't, and it's just upsetting... What makes it more upsetting is that this reminds me of how I'm capable of having feelings for men but at the same time am afraid to consider them as possible future partners. This is because I don't think that there are many men out there who'd want a (nearly) sexless relationship and I don't know if I'd want anything else than monogamy. I don't know why this upsets me so much.. I guess that the main reasons are that I feel like I'm 'ignoring' a part of myself by living my life as a lesbian who never considers a man as a future partner and that I feel like my feelings for men are setting me up for heartaches because most men don't want love without sex. I feel like I might have to come out all over again, telling people I'm a biromantic lesbian, although I am afraid that not everyone is going to understand what that even means or that people will deny that being biromantic is even possible. I'm kind of afraid to be judged if I ever decide to give a guy a try. I've registered on this site to become more comfortable with myself, to hear the opinions of LGBTQ people about my feelings and with the hopes of finding someone who can relate to my story so I feel less alone!
Who cares what other people think of your label! Or you could just say you don't like labels (if you don't want to explain to people). You say you thought you were straight up until recently, so all of this seems to have happened quite fast. I think the best thing you can do is give your feelings time to develop, with time you will probably discover more things about yourself. There are definitely guys out there that would want to be with you, but you are right, it'd be hard to find them. I know this isn't very helpful but if you want you can message me and we can talk more
Yeah, that's true. I guess that the thing that makes it hard for me is the responses I've already gotten from people when talking about my feelings. A lot of people have said to me that they think I'm bisexual, or have asked me if I'm not just that instead of a lesbian, or have reacted with disbelief because they see sexual and romantic attraction as being two sides of the same coin, or have asked me if my self-reported romantic feelings for guys weren't of a platonic nature. That really made me self-conscious and it made me doubt myself all over again as well, but I've remained convinced that I'm not bisexual. I think that bisexuals are already often misunderstood by both straight and gay people, so being 'half bi' as I'd like to call it might generate even more confusion - well, this at least seems to be the case in my environment. But, oh well, I guess I should just care less about if they might see me as 'confused' or 'in denial' or whatever it is they'll think. I am not even sure if I'd ever want a sexless relationship with a man, but I wouldn't want to ignore a part of my orientation completely again, ever. Thanks for the offer!
I think you shouldn't worry about anything. If you ever fall in love (and I think you will) it doesn't really matter who you fall in love with, much less their gender. I identify myself as a lesbian because it's easier, probably I should pick up another label like "queer", because in the end I fall for the person, not for their bodies. I have had more relationships with women, though, which is the reason why I prefer to identify as a lesbian; it's just easier. But all of this, is something I don't really feel the need to explain to others, you know? 'cause in the end it's my life, it's me loving or having sex with a woman or a guy. What you ask about the smells, yes, I totally understand. I love the way a guy smells; however the scent of a woman... I love it and it drives me wild. Seriously. Do I worry about enjoying both smells -that of a man and a woman-? No, I don't. Not at all. I don't know how young/old you are, but here's a piece of advice: stop complicating your life and just live. Enjoy the company of others, if you want to spend time with a guy, tell him, ask if he fells comfortable with it. Tell him what he can or can't expect from you. I have been totally honest to the guys in my life, telling them, for example: I love being with you, but I am not going to have sex with you. Or: I like being with you and having sex with you, but I don't think we can be together as a couple. The same applies for a woman. And let them decide if they want to be with you like that. Just be honest to people about what you want/need. Good luck!
