Okay so, I'm sexually attracted to boys and girls. However, I'm only romantically attracted to boys. Does this make me a heteroromantic bisexual?
There's no credible evidence that there's a difference, at least in the long term, between romantic and sexual identities. What we do commonly see is that in the early stages of the coming out process, as people are grappling with their attractions, dealing with the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance), and working through the bargaining process, that they often use some sort of "all-encompassing" label as a bridge during the bargaining process. It used to be that these people would label as bisexual. Now, it's become sort of the identity du jour to claim a separation between romantic and sexual identity ("I like hanging out with girls, but I like sex with guys" or vice-versa)... which, it seems, usually eventually gives way to an identity that is more consistent with what has been recognized and studied for decades. In other words... the clinicians who work with these poplulations find a lot of people who initially claim sexual attraction to one, romantic attraction to the other... and, as they become more self-accepting, the opposite-sex attraction often starts to fade as they become more comfortable with their identity, at which point, they drop the romantic/sexual separation (or the bisexual label) and identify as gay. To be clear: Bisexuality most certainly exists and is widely studied and accepted by everyone credible. It is the idea of separations of romantic and sexual orientations that has no credible basis. And to further clarify: Anyone can identify as anything s/he wishes to; I can be unicornsexual if I want and I don't want to in any way detract anyone's right to label themselves as they wish. My goal in discussing this is to share accurate information to help people in their process of self-identification.
Yeah I feel like this separation of sexual and romantic attraction can feel so real for a while but then it can turn out to just be denial. Like I remember thinking "I want to kiss and cuddle with some girls but I don't wanna eat pussy so I'm just romantically attracted" and then I was like "okay I could have sex with a girl but do I really wanna go out with one? I must just be sexually attracted". And then as I came to accept myself I came to realise that the desire I felt for girl crushes was based on something sexual not just romantic and I that the only reason I wasn't sure about a relationship with a girl was because of the stigma. But I still totally get that you want to separate them because now I just feel like I've gone the other way. If I were to seperate my version of bisexual up at the moment it would probably be homoromantic bisexual. But I don't because although sexual attraction is very biological, romantic attraction I feel is more circumstantial and I think I would go mad if I tried to tie it down. It could be that I'm tricking myself again and I'm really gay like Chip talked about, but whether I am or not, I don't see separating sexual and romantic orientation helping my over-analysing self in any way. I like the label bisexual because its very wobbly and open for interpretation depending on how I feel. Labels are always abritary, so just pick whatever is helpful to you and don't fret about the level of accuracy.
When it comes to your orientation, you are whatever you feel you are. Go with whatever you think sounds best, and it's okay if you change your mind later on.
I like your last line. I'm still going by straight but its far from accurate! Just feels the most comfortable
If you feel like that is the most accurate descriptor of your sexual and romantic feelings, OP, then feel free to go with either that or a simplified version of your choice, such as bisexual, straight (since you don't want to date women?), straight but curious, bi-curious or so. And who knows, maybe later you'll find yourself in love with a girl, or you might forever reserve your romantic feelings for men only. Either way, your feelings are fine just the way they are.
