Hi, For the past 4 months I've been having a really difficult time questioning many things in my life but in particular my sexuality. Having considered myself heterosexual for the first 20 years of my life, this summer I found myself questioning what it really means to be straight/gay/bi and how a person can really know which one of these categories you fit into. I think the reason I started to think this way was seeing celebrities and other famous people in the news "come out" as adults having lead heterosexual lives for so many years. Before I continue I just want to say none of what I'm writing is meant to be offensive or put down anyone who has come out in later life. I fully respect the incredibly brave decision they made, I'm just trying to get some help and advice for my current situation. It just I am so afraid of turning out a person who has remained closeted for so many years that I now find myself constantly questioning everything I do and think and whether or not they mean I'm hiding feelings and whether it means I'm different from the person I've always thought I have been. Don't get me wrong, I don't at all consider myself a homophobic person and if I did have a strong feeling that I was gay I think id be quite comfortable at the thought of coming out, it's just at the moment there is no strong feeling towards men, just a voice at the back of my mind telling me "but what if your gay? What if you get to 40 years old with a wife and kids and suddenly realise you're gay?" And that scares me. I'm a very anxious person anyway and have similar thoughts about being transgender too. Again I wouldn't say these thoughts are out of me wanting to change, but come from me not wanting to lie to myself or anyone else. At the moment I do have relationships and sex with women and get enjoyment from both but I just can't shake the thought that maybe Im meant to be doing something differently with my life. I'd love to know if anyone has any insight into this and if anyone else struggles with anxiety and questioning their sexual orientation. Thanks
Hi Wanda, I've not been posting on here for a while... But intend to 'catch up and get involved' again! Part of your post above mentions being 40, married with kids.... That was me! Over 2 years ago I told my wife 'I'm not straight' and months later decided to move out the family home. It was horrendous but with hindsight, it had to be done. I've had lots of girlfriends but have always had conflict and confusion about my true sexuality. would be happy to help if you have any specific questions?
Hi thanks for the quick reply, that would be enormously helpful thank you. Here's a few: - At what age did you realise you were not 100% straight? - did you have any realsionships with men before you came out? - do you regret not coming out sooner or not? Right now I'm as I'm so unsure as to what I am that I'm just carrying on as though I'm straight and do sometimes feel v guilty that I'm not being honest with the girls but I just really don't know!! I really like girls and find them attractive but I also get on really well with guys and I can appreciate when a guy is good looking I just really don't know if that means I could have a relashionship with a man. - what was it like to come out at that age and how did people react? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to) - did you ever speak to any of your girlfriends about the confusion before and how did they react? Thank you
Just a quick opinion here. I also think sometimes the kind of stuff that you seem to be thinking, like just wondering ''What if I'm trans? Would I like it more if I were a girl?'' or ''What if Im 100% gay? Would that be easier?'' but as I see it it's just that, it's just the kind of thoughts you get out of boredom and an open mind who is not afraid of asking those questions. If I were you I wouldnt worry. If you happen to like a guy at some point then it's not gonna be a surprise but it's (imo) very probable you're just straight but curious. Know that if you do make the decision of marrying a girl it's probably cause you love her, and couples split up all the time even if both of them are straight (or whatever the case is) so with the marrying is just a little bit of luck. Again, if I were you I wouldnt worry, just keep doing your thing and be open minded if you prefer it that way. Lots of luck~
Yeah thank you. I do think a lot of it comes from boredom and me exploring different ideas and possibilities and sometime i overthink and put too much weight to thoughts that are just curiosities but I don't want to lie to myself so do think it's important to think about why I'm having these thoughts. I guess I've just got to get better and distinguishing between just curious thoughts and genuine feelings. I don't suppose you have any advice??
I have panic disorder and have been questioning my sexuality for a long time. Keep holding myself back, which could contribute to my anxiety, if not completely. Can't let these thoughts control your life. It's not worth it. As a man of faith it's really hard for me to say just go and try, but please just don't let it destroy your life.
