I'm new here(on the message board and it's been recently since I've admitted and felt that I'm bi curious. Yet at times, I still feel unsure and I would like to share my thoughts and experiences on the whole issue, so I get feedback from everyone here. I'm 24. I'm still a virgin(at times that bothers me but it's whatever). I see myself as mostly straight because I do have the random fantasy of having sex with females. I mean the random sexual fantasy of having sex with sorority girls or some 20-something celebrity(Jenifer Lawerence, Adele, Lorde, Shawn Johnson). I haven't had sex with a female, but I'm open to having sex with A female around my age. If she has class and descent and mature. And I do like women but I just never really "found" the right girl in my life. I have had close calls in the past year were I almost had sex. The recent occasion was in March of this year, my friend Travis and his close female friend Jada and I almost had a threesome. Travis and I were just partying a bit during Spring Break, the idea came up to have a three some. Travis was cool with it, I was cool with it, but Jada wasn't. So the threesome idea was nixed. Despite having interest and preference on females, there were periods in my life were I had feelings for male friends---close male friends. August 2010 I met a guy I'll call AM at a summer camp that a college I was attending had at a hotel. AM and I were roommates for a few days. AM was nice and quiet as myself during that time as I recall. We had talked somewhat during the time there was a break during the activities. At brief times, I had feelings for AM. Platonic and emotional feelings for him during this time. Platonic and emotional feelings had stirred up because AM was the first guy I spent more than a day with, I had also felt a degree of acceptance. I attended a private university fo a while before I went to a public state college let me point out. At the time, my family was dealing with financial issues and nearly broke, AM was really wealthy and from Northern Virginia. A month and a half prior during orientation, I had met some the wealthier kids and didn't feel like I fit in. AM didn't ask me about my financial stuff or anything and it appeared blurred. The closeness we had in the hotel room and added to the fact that AM treated me as an equal, I liked. We formed a friendship around that point. Things were okay for a bit, when class started up we had breakfast a few times. Around this time I had platonic and emotional and some brief sexual feelings towards AM. I didn't tell AM I had sexual feelings towards him. Then again, it was really brief and at random points. AM rushed a frat and we didn't hang out for a while. I had missed him during the period of mid-September to late September 2010. We reconnected and he introduced me to his roommate. The three of us were close at times. We got into alcohol and drugs(well, it's college :dry. I was dabbling into weed at first, I had no problem with it. I was getting into alcohol. There was hardly any issues we had with alcohol/drugs at first. The closeness of AM, his roommate, and I began to fracture at some point in the fall of 2010. AM had pissed me off, I had said something he didn't like. And he and I had some conflict, yet his roommate was our "mutual" friend and he made attempts to mend fences. I still considered AM a friend and the feelings I had were still there, I just felt a bit upset when the both of had some conflicts yet we tried our best to be civil. We did have some little drunk fight by accident but this was an accident(early December 2010) I had a lot of random feelings for AM during this time, it's hard to explain. I mean one point, I liked him as a friend. I had my feelings towards that. And another instance, I just hated him. I had distance myself from AM following some incident that involved us in alcohol/drugs in the Spring of 2011. I had to testify against AM, and well I lost most of the "feelings" I had towards AM following that whole ordeal. Despite the conclusion of that ordeal, I still have brief feelings towards AM. Even though AM is hundreds of miles away from me and probably could give a rat's ass about me right now, I still have really brief feelings towards AM. These feelings are just attached to the good times we had mid August 2010to early September 2010. And maybe the time we were all were in a sauna: myself, AM, and his roommate. We were shirtless and well. :dry: I stuck around the private college for a while till December 2011. I didn't find another guy like AM that I had feelings like that towards. I did have male friends but it wasn't close like I had with AM. I left the private college because it was getting a bit expensive and I really wasn't fitting in: I'm a Hispanic dude and not rich. I was attending an upper class White private college in Dallas-Fort Worth. I took my ball and went South, I went to San Marcos. I went to Texas State(January 2012-May 2014) to finish my undergrad work. My first semester at Texas State, I didn't have a close male friend at the time. I was just trying to meet people which I did. Flash forward to the fall 2012. By random luck, I was studying in the library one day. It was around mid-October 2012. I saw a guy that was in the same poly sci class as me. His name was Will. It was random . We had talked and made some improntu study session. The day was the next day, so...:eusa_doh: We talked about random things besides studying: alcohol, drugs, partying, college life, etc. Will and I had hit it off as friends from that point. We studied at least once a week, hanged out a bit. We partied of course. We drank quite a bit at times during that time. I drank more than any other time, up to that point let me state. I considered Will a good friend for a while. I felt attached at times to him, because he wanted to transfer to U OF H(Univ of Houston for non-Texas folks). He said he wasn't really liking Texas State. I wanted him to stay, because I considered me a friend and we were close. He eventually decided he was going to stay. Will and I had some falling out. It was a pile of bullshit that was there and differences. This was around January 2013.Naturally, I felt upset for a while because I spent a bit more with Will than I did with AM. I was close with him and we partied a bit. I did have emotional and platonic feelings for Will, but it was really brief sexual feelings I had for Will. I moved on from that, I just hanged out with other friends I knew during the Spring of 2013. I didn't have a close connection with any other friend for a while. I met this guy named Stephen around April 2013. I came back from the bar(I was 21 at the time) and walked to my dorm. I had seen Stephen walk a bit around the dorm sometimes and I never really had the chance to introduce myself to him. I indirectly met Stephen's other friends at the same time as well. Well I was drunk, I introduced myself to him. I had talked to him about partying and working and running. We had a common interest in distance running. We didn't party together. We just worked out with running and did this till May 2014. I was dealing with some personal issues during the fall of 2013 and Stephen was there for me. And times, he and I hugged a bit. And the feeling I had was platonic and emotional mostly. When I talked to Stephen, I felt better and I felt okay. At certain points, I did feel some sexual feeling(this was a little more than what I was feeling with AM or Will). It could've been the fact, that I saw Stephen as someone that cared about me when I was dealing with. I did hug Stephen more than any other guy friend I had up to that point. I sobered up from alcohol for a bit during the Spring of 2014 and Stephen was there for me. He hugged me and I hugged and embraced him. He was a bit younger than me at the time(I was 21-22, he was 20). We did have some conflicts, but we worked them out. I did feel sad when I graduated because I wanted to go to graduate school at Texas State and spend more time with Stephen. I did apply to Texas State for graduate school but I was denied admission. I felt I lost my chance to spend time with Stephen but it was okay. I just accepted it that I was got going to see him for a while. So I went back further south in Texas, I returned back to my hometown of San Antonio. Lucky for me, I was accepted into graduate school in my hometown. I felt great. I was sober, I was starting in grad school. I felt like a new chapter in my life. I was in recovery for a while during this time. I was affiliated with a recovery center at my college during the fall 2014. I met a guy named Travis through the recovery center. Travis was a bit younger(18-19) than me but he wnt through a lot in his past addiction. He abused heroin and meth, deals with PTSD, had unprotected sex with over 20+ girls(and had no STDs). To me, he felt like a fucking miracle over he told he's been through. We connected through the meetings. I cared about him and didn't want him to ever fall back to his drugs of choice. Lucky for me, he lived across for my room in the same apartment complex we shared on campus. We hit it off and we became good friends. Though my "recovery" and definition of "recovery" would be changed as I will explain. Travis had smoked weed similar to as I did. We really had no problem with marijuana. I somewhat attached myself into that lifestyle because I was becoming a close friend and also I just wanted to make sure he didn't get into the whole hard drug bullshit life style. It was college 2.0 for me during this time, as I was redoing my freshman/sophomore years of college within a couple of months. My real freshman/sophomore years of college sucked and I somehow saw this as an opportunity to redo that. I walked away from "recovery" indirectly you can say. Overtime, I did learn to moderate my alcohol consumption without any issues or problems. So I was somewhat I consider this college 2.0. As I got closer as a friend with Travis, we did get affectionate mutually. And this was a first for me. I hugged him more than any other male friend. He hugged me back in return. It was a mixture of emotional and platonic feelings. At times I would "I love you..." He'd say the same thing. The sexual feeling would somewhat be brief but increased slightly. I hugged him a bit at times. I told I would always be there for him, and I never wanted him to back to doing meth and heroin. He promised he wouldn't. I had more physical hugs with Travis than any other close male friend. I enjoyed it and I loved it. I cared him and he cared about me. I loved him and he loved me. :icon_wink. The most I ever did past hugging him, was running/brushing my hand through his hair. This was late April 2015. We were hugging and holding each other. I never was that physical to anyone up to that point, I felt a mixture of platonic, emotional, and sexual feelings that time. If he and I had sex that time, I wouldn't have objected. The mood and vibe was good. The feelings I had for Travis were a bit than I had with the other guys I just mentioned. He is a bit younger than me like I said, but I cared him so much. And added to the equation, Travis was bi curious when he was in high school. I do see some traces of bi curious tendencies/feelings at certain points when he and i hanged out. I mean, he didn't object to our long physical hugs or when I brushed/ran my fingers across his hair. So maybe he has some bi curious feelings. Then again, he is mostly straight because he brought a female friend over a few times for sex. She was the girl, that Travis and I had the three way fantasy. Anyway, Travis was a close male friend that I had a lot feelings(platonic, emotional, sexual) towards. He and I haven't chilled in a while. There is no burned bridge, it's just we've been busy during the fall, and never had time to hang out. As I've shared, I've had feelings(platonic, emotional, and sexual) towards close male friends in certain points of my life during the past 5 years. I've felt like they've increased when I've been around male friends whom showed mutual affection for me in some way or capacity. And most of these close male friends I've had these feelings towards for the most part, have been White, middle to upper class, and youngish looking, 18-20. I can safely assume that White, middle to upper class, youngish looking, 18-20 is my supposed preference for a guy. I can assume that maybe that time with AM in August 2010 and the closeness of being with a guy for a few days, and being accepted as an equal by him, I felt acceptance and love. It's really hard to say. I did have feelings for these guys, but I still had preference for women. And I often made comments towards male friends and guys at bars of celebrity females I would like to have sex with. Now that I've shared my experiences with you all, I was wondering if I can have feedback. Based on this post, do you all believe I'm bi curious or bi sexual?
It's really hard to tell based on this alone as I can see a few alternative interpretations. Yes, you could be bi-curious or bisexual. Then again it could be that you are and have been emotionally lonely and once you feel connected someone your feel very deeply for them because you haven't felt connected before. You never mentioned anything about your fantasies before meeting AM & guys. As a teenager, did you have sexual fantasies about men? Were you noticing men? Are you shy in general and with girl in particular? Have you been emotionally close with a girl? Your situation is quite similar to mine in a sense that only in the university did I develop strong emotional bonds to a male friend. We do some really unusually intimate stuff but never have done anything sexual (although I'm kind of curious of trying and I think he is too although we haven't addressed this tension other than making ironic gay jokes about us). Whenever it's just two of us we sleep in the same bed, we hug and be really close in the bed. However, I was a very lonely kid as a child. I was a bullied outcast in the kindergarten and didn't make any friends until I went to school. Grades 1-6 I was happy and had friends. Then my early teen years in the junior high were utter nightmare. Granted, I was weird nerdy kid who was awkward about all the sexual stuff that people were talking about so I was bound to be bullied. In high school I made friends but I never really felt any deeper connection with them. The friend who I mentioned before became my first person who I felt somehow connected with in my own country. (I did have close friends abroad.) Now, my friend is Iranian but he looks rather Hispanic and I've found that Hispanics and guys who look like him please me aesthetically the most. If your first intimate emotional and physical connection and experiences are with a guy it much easier to think and have fantasies about that sex than with the other and vice versa if it was a girl obviously. Naturally this holds only if you are not strongly homosexual. I think same logic applies to the the type of guys or girls one finds attractive.
It's good that you don't really have a llt of sexual feelings, instead mostly emotionally. I think you are biromantic but bisexually curious. (You like guys and girls, but sexually tend to lean towards women mostly. However, you do have interspersed sexual attractions to guys also.) That's what Inthink, but get another opinion also.
Did I have sexual feelings/fantasies of guys before AM? Not really and I'm looking back at my times in high school. There were one or two guys that acted gay around me but were straight but I didn't have any feelings for those guys. High school and middle school I just saw myself as masculine but I just felt hesitant to ask girls out. I just was shy and didn't see himself as a good physique. I mean I had a slim body and didn't have a lot of muscle and also I had a lot of emotional issues I was dealing with for a while. I was dealing with trying to fit in, I was dealing with family issues for a while. I did like girls but I couldn't find the right girl I could get with. Some of the girls I did like, really didn't have "class"(I'm trying to not sound sexist).
If I had to take a guess you have been pretty lonely guy, not necessarily in a sense that you didn't have friends but you just didn't feel so close or connected with them, am I right? In my opinion you don't sound particularly gay or into men in a sexual way. You didn't have sexual fantasies of guys in your formative years and they started only after you formed a closer bond with a guy in the college. Are you aware that significant fraction of people become situationally homosexual if they are locked in a single sex environment? I remember reading up on a study about South African prison. The study estimated that up to half of the prison population has engaged in homosexual behavior at least once during their incarceration. How does this relate to you? Well, I think it is possible that you believe you are in a "virtual" same sex environment. Perhaps you feel that the girls available to you are not desirable or that girls somehow don't want you. Then on the other hand you have had this nice experience with guys. Perhaps subconsciously the mechanism is the same as if you were locked up in a prison. My advice is, go experiment if you feel comfortable about it. Mix with girls and try to find a girl friend. If you don't feel confident, try building up confidence. Or start with boys if you feel more comfortable with that. In any case it sounds to me that you still have some issues which you should try to fix to feel more balanced and happy.
I did talk to people in high school but I didn't seem to feel like I had friends, so your right on that extent. Like I said previously, I did deal with personal issues throughout my life. I've dealt with poverty, near poverty, I've dealt with being in a dysfunctional family. I did talk to people in my high school, but I had felt hesitant to form friendships in high school. Part of the reason I felt, was I felt hesitant to invite people to my house if people asked because of everything I was dealing with at the time. And also, I never really felt that I knew a "specific way" to make a lot of friends. It's not like I didn't talk to at least one person in high school, that is not true. I did talk to people, I felt like I developed a level of acquaintanceship with people. The sexuality thing didn't bother me in high school. I did like some girls but there were just the casual sexual fantasy the typical high school guys would say of which chick they thought was hot or ugly, or which girl was hot. I did have the brief sexual fantasy of girls I liked. So I felt like I was heterosexual 100% through this period. And I look back, I never really found a specific girl I liked and settle down into a relationship in high school. I mean I never really found the will power to do that. I never really had a bi curious feeling in high school. The only thing remotely close to "bi-curious" tendencies was one time, I had touched hands with this guy. We were on a high school sports team and were doing exercies on the ground, our hands touched. I was a Sophmore, the guy was a freshman. He was one of the guys that was straight but acted gay. I mean I'm not sure if he was bi curious or bi sexual or what, but he appeared to act like that in front of me. It was a slight platonic feeling. It didn't seem sexual.
To me you don't sound really sound necessarily even bisexual. Perhaps you are curious but then again I guess most people are at least to some extent. I think your confusion arises from your past experiences: your dysfunctional family, poverty and the stress associated with it, not having close and intimate friends before college. You emphasize the role of platonic feelings you experienced and I think they are related to your subconscious or conscious desire to connect and have close relationships. I have the same thing. I was never very close to my parents and I guess somehow I'm in my close relationships seeking a surrogate to my problematic relationship to my parents. Now, I certainly there is no harm in experimenting with guys if you feel like going that route. However, I think you harbor issues other than just questions about sexuality and I think you may want to address those too. Are you still in college? If you are would you consider going to speak to a psychologist? I did so when I was in college and found it helpful I. I realized I had issue that I didn't even realize were issues. BTW, why on earth any straight guy would act gay? Was it like a joke or what?
Yeah I do see a counselor on campus. Like I said, I don't see myself a purely gay or bi sexual. I understand sexuality is not binary, it's a spectrum. I mean, I see myself within the in-between spectrum of gay/straight. The feelings I've had for close male friends it's hard to explain. It's not all purely sexual or platonic or emotional. I've had a mixture of platonic/emotional/sexual. The sexual feeling had developed since August of 2010 and developed slowly and slowly since then. It peaked around late fall 2014-Spring 2015 when I was hanging out with my younger friend.
Kind of same thing with me. I have really mixed feelings of this close friend of mine. It started off platonic, then it became to have emotional/romantic aspect and now also some sexual aspect too. And which aspect is strongest depends on time. I get often physically aroused for being close to him although I'm not really sure do I want to have anything sexual to do with him. And to make it worse, I think my friend might also feel the same way. He has been saying and doing all kinds of weird stuff over the years but now it has turned quite overtly gay with him suggesting we could wank each other and hinting he will let me do him what I want provided I let him do the same to me. And I'm kind of tempted to accept. It would be far easier for me if I believed he had absolutely no interest in anything sexual. Now I'm just feeling confused of what I actually want and what my friend wants. Anyways, do you feel that this has been of any help?
Like I said earlier, my feelings reached their peak during the past year(late fall 2014-fall 2015) when I was hanging out with Travis. I had mentioned earlier that Travis had been bi curious when he was in high school, and I've had a vibe there are traces that he could be bi curious. I could be wrong or right. I could support this argument, because he and I hugged a bit and were affectionate. We both said "I love you." I ran my hand/brushed across his hair and he didn't object. The time I ran my hand across his hair(late April 2015), the feelings were so strong. I mean I was holding him and he was holding me. I did have random brief sexual feelings about him prior that time, but it peaked around that time. We spent a bit of time together, we hanged out. We did hug a bit and there were affectionate. If he and I had sex during that time we were hugging and I ran my hand across his hair, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. I wasn't looking to have sex with him and I didn't cross any lines. What I'm saying, is he had wanted to go forward and maybe experiment with me one or two times, I wouldn't have objected. The affection, the hugs, the hand running across his hair, it seemed we had some mutual affection for each other. It felt like we could've had gone that far, but that's just my thought as I look back now. It's hard to say if he and I could've. I just felt like he had some bi curious feelings and maybe he had some feelings towards because I had felt that for a while. Then again, he had a FWB with a female friend whom he knew a lot longer than me.
Yeah, I hear what you are saying. That is not typical of a straight friendship. Your friendship sounds very intense and emotional. I would not be surprised if you both had some sexual feelings for each other. Though I think he just wanting to be loved and cared might be motivation too. It's impossible for me to say. Do you still keep in touch with Travis? Do you think it would be possible to ask him if anything like that happens in the future? There is no question about that but affection does not equal sexual desire. Did he drop any verbal hints that he might be willing to do something other than just hug you? In either case it sure sounds like you have a wonderful friendship there if nothing else.
@Euler You asked if I still talk to Travis. I do somewhat. I don't hang out a lot like I did last year, because he moved back to his parents' house on the other side of town. He has a girlfriend now, and just chills with her a bit. He had that off-an-off-and-on thing with his FWB female friend he had I mentioned about. There were somewhat a quasi boyfriend/girlfriend somewhat but there were FWB, but "Best friend." I'm unsure if he still has the feelings for me like he did last year. I mean we haven't hanged out as much, and I haven't had the chance to really tell him I felt about him. I've felt like he did have feelings for me and he had been affectionate towards me, like I was towards him. He didn't drop any hints like he wanted to have sex, but the affection and hugs we had it seemed like the vibe was there we could've had sex. I mean this just my opinion, I can't speak for Travis on that subject. What I mean, the affection and hugs and touching had this vibe like we could've gone a bit further. I consider him a good friend, but the feelings I've had for him just overlapped. I didn't force or suggest or hint to him to go pass anything like hugging. The thing that I haven't figured out, is that time in late April we were had a long affectionate hug. We were somewhat really close to each other physically. I brushed/ran my hand(not sure if I brushed or ran my hand) across his hair, he didn't object as we hugged. He didn't say stop or anything. That was the first time I actually was that physically close to any guy friend, and it was the peak of having all those feelings towards any guy friend.
