bi curious...but

Ok, so my thoughts on the matter below...

Ok, just starting from here as a sort of preface to the rest of my response - If you're able to feel attractions (both romantic and physical) for both men and women then most people would classify that as being bisexual, or possibly pansexual or the like, depending on how broad or far ranging your attractions are.

Note that being bisexual (or pan or whatever) does not automatically mean that you have equal attractions for both men and women - you may have a much stronger attraction for one or the other or more commonly have attraction for one or the other. And those attractions may shift a bit over time.

Ok, moving on...

Probably not, as long as you are willing to accept the possibility that you might feel attraction for someone who doesn't fit this profile or doesn't completely fit it. I would say it only becomes a problem if you become so hung up on any potential partner meeting each and every requirement of a highly detailed list that you basically filter nearly everyone out of consideration.

Generally speaking, and assuming average demographics where you live, or are willing/able to travel to, I don't see any major issues with the list you've posted here.

The one thing that might narrow your field of potential candidates a bit is the 'bi-curious' part. Is that a requirement (that they also are curious and haven't done anything with a guy yet either) or would it be OK if they were gay or bi or pan and experienced?

Much the same way as you would approach or pursue a straight relationship. Going to places or events where amenable guys are going to be, using dating websites, some apps (although those are mainly for hookups, but that might or might not work for you), etc. You might also get involved with various LGBT social groups or organizations such that you meet people, some of whom you might be attracted to and vice-versa.

Depends on what you're comfortable with and possibly considerations about your personal safety, depending on the society where you are.

Hm. In my opinion and experience, being 'bi-curious' is a temporary state of affairs that is eventually resolved by the act of being intimate with one or more people of the same sex (another guy in your case) after which your status changes depending on how you come out of the experience. At the end of the process you might be:

a) Straight - after trying sex with guys you've decided it's not for you, your curiosity/fantasy is satisfied and you go on with pursuing relationships with women.

b) Gay - after trying sex with guys you've decided that women simply don't have what it takes to excite you either sexually or romantically. Your earlier experiences with women happened because that is the societal norm but, given the choice, you have no interest in doing that again and only want to be with men.

c) Bi-sexual - after trying sex with guys, you've decided you like it and want to continue doing it and are open to the idea of a relationship with a guy. But you still are able to have attractions and feelings (both sexual and romantic) for women to one degree or another (maybe as much or more so than with men or maybe less than with men) and are now open to the possibility that you may have a relationship with either a man or a woman, depending on how you feel about them.

If you come out of being bi-curious as either gay or bisexual then you could certainly have a relationship with and marry another guy who might be either gay or bisexual.

Yes - feelings of attraction or the like can certainly shift to other people, especially if it's not possible for them to be acted upon with the initial person you feel them for. In fact, that's probably a healthier response then the alternative of fixating on that one person that you can't have and agonizing over them into the future.

I suppose if you never satisfied your curiosity then yes, you could do this. OTOH, if you did satisfy your curiosity and went on to continue doing stuff with guys while insisting that you were just bi-curious - it would start to seem like you were refusing to admit something to yourself - IMHO.

As mentioned above, I'm not really sure the 'bi-curious' part can be anything other than temporary. But as far as how to make a same-sex relationship work - the same way you make a straight relationship work - with honesty, integrity, open communication, and empathy. Loving each other doesn't hurt either

What you're describing isn't much of an age gap, and I don't think it's something you're going to need to worry about. My husband is 13yrs older than I am and we've been together almost 20yrs.

As far as the second part of your question, I think that if you get to the point of being in a committed relationship with a guy, you won't be 'bi-curious' any longer.

With some people, yes. The same people who don't like LGBT people are going to consider being 'bi-curious' to be nearly equivalent to being LGBT. Or totally equivalent. They generally aren't worth paying any attention to.

The scenario you describe above would mean you are bisexual or possibly pansexual, assuming you were having sex with women because you found them attractive and wanted to, not because you don't want to be thought of as homosexual or admit to yourself that you are.

If you had sex with a guy and found it so satisfying that you basically ceased to have any attraction to women and only wanted to be intimate with guys going forward, you would have discovered that you are homosexual. You would not have been made homosexual - you would have always been homosexual but only discovered this fact about yourself upon having sex with a guy or guys.

If you're at the point of marrying another man, I would strongly suggest you would have determined that you are either homosexual or bi-sexual by that point - there really wouldn't be any 'curiosity' left to explore, I suspect. If you're with a guy but can still have sexual thoughts/fantasies about women, it would mean you are bi-sexual or maybe pansexual.

Coming at this from another direction, you mention being in a relationship with a 'mostly straight' guy. What does that mean to you in this context? Perhaps it might work better to come at this from the perspective of dating a guy who you like and are attracted(and who likes you back) and not worry too much about his orientation. Just a suggestion.

Anyway, hope this helps,

Todd

 

Well, it sounds like there are a lot of emotions and misconceptions that are clouding your view of this. If you marry another guy, you are not bi-curious. That would mean that you are either gay or bisexual, but there's nothing wrong with that. Chances are if you are bi-curious, you probably are gay or bisexual. As far as stigma, there are definitely people (primarily straight men) who would make fun of a guy for having experimented with men....... but they aren't really worth your time anyways. As for your standards, it's your decision entirely. Personally, I couldn't care less about the things you described...... but if you do that's fine and I'm sure you'll find the right person. If you settled down and still had thoughts and fantasies about women, that's perfectly fine..... it just means you are bisexual, which you probably are. I am, and there is nothing wrong with it at all Also, I wouldn't entirely give up on your friend if he's bi-curious..... unless he is in a relationship. I can say that I also really liked one of my friends....... and if he also liked guys that would've been amazing You can be with anybody you want to be with, from what you wrote you are bisexual......... so you can be with someone of either gender. I'm the same way, and it's not a bad thing at all, trust me. As to whether it should be discreet, that's up to you. Personally, I wouldn't be a fan of keeping secrets, so I'd definitely like it to be something that isn't a secret. Then again, there are certainly people I wouldn't tell and wouldn't want to know........ particularly an extended family member....... he's a nice guy, but pretty close minded and ignorant about such things.

Also, there is the issue of coming out. If you haven't done that already, it's something to consider. Now, everyone already knows that I am bisexual......... and I feel a lot better. Of course, I don't know your circumstances....... and be careful coming out to people who could be homophobic.