Hello, I'm new. I wanted to find a supportive community. I've always been sorta confused about myself. At first I believed I was asexual, but then in college i was sexually attracted to a guy. i deemed myself straight. now i have met an amazing queer woman and i don't know what to do. we've only known each other a few months. she has asked me to hang out with her alone a few times. We've talked for hours about so many things... she's always asking me about my opinion of pretty much everything, even when we're in a group. She always says nice things about me and we sometimes share these strange looks (like she just looks at me and smiles or hugs me really tightly). I get the old "butterflies in the stromach feeling when that happens. she remembers everything about me, which is fascinating (even things I forget about). we don't talk every day and when we don't see each other for a while, she doesn't call or anything, but she has texted me once she was around to ask for hugs or to see me, etc. it can be kinda hot and cold with her. sometimes she won't touch me, but stand near me, other times we cuddle and she'll touch my knee or hold my hand... it's just confusing because she's a touchy person, but i feel like she does touch me differently (but i could be reading into it). the other night she kept holding my hand, stroking my fingers. It was in front of our mutual friends, at random. She has joked about wishing I was her girlfriend when someone thought we were a couple. It can be kinda awkward when we're alone (like we are both not sure what to do). last night she told me i looked good after i complained about my outfit and then quickly added "...i look good, we all look good!" and it was just weird and overly excited. she has introduced me to a few friends and i always get this weird feeling that already know who i am...like she talks about me and when they hear my name they're like "oh..you're her friend" and i'm like :icon_redf lol i've never been with a woman, but she is so incredible. i'm honestly scared since i don't know how she feels. she definitely thinks i'm straight though and i don't want to suddenly change that since i'm still confused. i don't ever want her to feel like i'm "experimenting" because i do definitely like her, but i know she's been hurt like that before by straight women. In conclusion, does it sound like she might be interested? how do i let her know i'm interested? should i be investing in this if this is my friend serious female attraction?
You are very attracted to her. You call her "amazing." "Incredible." Yet you feel handcuffed by your sexuality or what you think it might be. So many of us hide our true feelings because we've been convinced that we have to conform to a set of rules. That we have to have a special license to be attracted to someone of the same sex. Too often, we walk away from great friendships that had the potential to also be a wonderful relationship. You love her as a person. Not because she is a woman. Not because you may not be straight. You love her as a person. And if it feels awkward when she introduces you as her friend, would you rather it was a guy? Not an "amazing incredible" guy though. Just some guy who does not show any affection towards you in public, can't remember your birthday or would rather talk about himself all night rather than want to know more about you. Of course, not all guys are like this. But right now, I would hope that you fully enjoy your friendship together and not speculate about whether or not this is a good investment of your time. Love isn't an investment. It's something you give expecting nothing in return. But it sounds like you are getting an "incredible and amazing" return right now. Take care.
Its really obvious how she feels and I suspect you feel the same way. The hot and coldness you describe comes from her not being sure about your reaction: She sounds conflicted, not because she doesn't want you, but because she's not sure you want her. She flat out said she wishes you were her girlfriend. No one jokes about that kind of thing if there's not a bit of truth to it. I think if you told her the same things you have written here, she would be very open to dating you. A year ago I never would have believed I would belong on this forum, so don't be afraid to try something new. You might be rewarded in ways you cannot imagine.
Listen to the above answers. I say go for it. You definitely sound bisexual. She's just trying to gauge your reaction you said - after all you are identifying as straight. I would be open with her and say your interested and questioning. Just see where it all leads good luck!
Thank you! That's very true, I don't want it to be any ol' person, I definitely want it to be her. I guess by investment, I meant should I try to move past being just friends if I was still kinda confused? She's definitely amazing and incredible and she does think highly of me, but I just hope I'm not misinterpreting that admiration. Thanks again! (*hug*) ---------- Post added 25th Dec 2015 at 07:34 PM ---------- Wow, thanks.. She's just so honest all the time that for her to not approach me with her feelings makes me skeptical... It would explain a lot (hot and cold behaviors). I mean, one time we were talking in her car and she looked at me mid-convo and then just suddenly wanted to go inside (we were about to go to a party and arrived a little early). I felt like she looked a little pained about something, but we were just joking around... maybe being alone with me in a tiny space was weird? i don't know. She's also a tad bit younger, so I feel so silly not having this emotions thing together. Anyway the whole girlfriend thing happened when her co-worker asked how i knew about the company (it was an office party) and i mentioned her name and they were like "oh, you're together" and i was like oh, no, not like that :icon_redf and she was like "i wish" and laughed... is that the same thing? i'm rambling. this woman makes me an idiot lol ---------- Post added 25th Dec 2015 at 07:36 PM ---------- Thanks...Do you have any tips on how to have that kind of conversation? she's all about having really deep discussions, but i don't know how to bring it up, keep it casual... i honestly feel like at the end of the day, i would just love to have her in my life, so i don't want to make it a "thing" if she doesn't actually feel the same way...yeah :help:
Man I hope this works out for you! In a world full of such anger and hate, it is wonderful to read the words of someone who is head over heals in love! Absolutely fabulous!
Thanks Patagonia! I hope so too. I don't see her for a few days with the break, so it gives me time to think, which is good and bad lol. I'm still not sure how to breach the subject. I'm really shy around people I like and we're also friends (neighbors) with mutual friends we're with all the time. I guess I'm also feeling the added pressure of having an audience witness this "shift" in our friendship. How do I even begin? I know I wrote all that, but in person I'm just awkward:icon_bigg(!):smilewave and later on i'm :eusa_doh::bang:
Just a brief update: I tried doing subtle things like mention I've been watching the L word and trying to be more open with eye contact (as I'm typing this out, I'm hating myself) We were alone for hours a few days ago and talked the WHOLE time, all this eye contact and I tried to tell her she made me feel "weird" and she didn't understand and I just stopped talking about it lol We got into a deep life convo and I expressed my concern of getting too close and hurt by her and she was really sweet about trying to reassure me that she wants me to feel completely comfortable with her and promised to never hurt me, etc... I was just so :love: We cuddled for an hour and then hung out with friends. I don't know what the hell is happening! I don't think I can tell this woman how I feel. I get all fucked up about it. She pays a lot of attention to me, even in group situations and is always asking my opinion about the world (she makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world for whatever reason lol) I keep convincing myself she's just doing this as a good friend. Any advice on what I can do to show her I want more without the use of words? I'm at a point where being with her is the best/worst thing in the world. :icon_sad:
Hey You sound young. It's not a bad thing, but now you are overreacting. Let it go - just be with her, enjoy the time you two spend together and don't force anything. Sounds to me everything will happen between you two anyway, just give it time. By trying to force something to happen you create unnecessary tension and unwillingly might spoil everything. I know it's hard to do, but it helps, trust me
