Being gay and Muslim, doubting my faith?

Okay where to begin,
Although I'm not particularly strong with religion I can see what you mean and where you're coming from, if you still feel strongly about being Islam ( don't even know if I worded that right) keep following it because even though your gay and both religions disagree with it your still showing that you want to be apart of it, as for god creating people who like the same gender I really don't know.
If your considering becoming atheist , it's fine if that's what you want but if you still believe their is a god maybe just think about it for a little while.
Just remember if your feeling depressed or suicidal about things just stop thinking about them for a little while give yourself some time out and you could even talk to someone about how your feeling, and you don't need to tell them the exact issue if you don't feel comfortable doing so.
I hope this kind of helped.

 

I am not a muslim nor am I religious at all or know any muslims, so my advice could be wrong. However, I would advise you to be extremely cautious. I know that within the broader group of muslims, there is a subgroup of individuals that hold their beliefs very, very strongly....... and use violence against those that disagree with their beliefs and ideas. If you are open about your sexuality to other people who are muslims, word could get out to someone with these extremist views...... and they could physically attack you over it. Keep in mind, I'm not saying this would necessarily be the case with people you directly know. Your particular branch of the faith may tend to be quite peaceful. However even still, someone you tell could know someone with radical views on homosexuality....... and this hypothetical person could possibly turn violent. Don't think I am saying anything bad about the religion, and I assume that you are a peaceful person. Sadly though, there are individuals that are not peaceful.

If you are feeling suicidal, don't. It sounds as though you have options. There are people in your family of diverse religious backgrounds, so if you decide that your current faith doesn't mix well with your sexuality....... you could change either by practicing the religion on your own without a congregation or changing your religion if you chose to. Also, if you are feeling suicidal...... tell someone in your family. You want to make sure that you aren't left alone with those feelings. Also, maybe going to a counselor would help if you are feeling depressed. I did this for myself when I was struggling, and I am doing much better now.

 

Hi There!!

I'm not Muslim (atheist actually), but you might find this group helpful:

Muslims for Progressive Values (Webpage) (Wikipedia page)

They also have a Facebook page and something on YouTube.

Also, you might feed these articles and webpages helpful - particularly the last one which makes mention of a network of mosques in Canada:

LINK

LINK

LINK

LINK

LINK

You can probably find additional resources by googling for 'gay friendly mosques', 'gay Muslims', etc. I focused on Canada here, but my understanding is that there are also gay-friendly mosques in Europe as well. Maybe other places, too.

I realize at your age it may not be easy/practical/possible to visit one of the gay friendly mosques in Canada just yet. But obviously you're going to get older, eventually gain access to transportation, etc. Also, you might be able to go through Muslims for Progressive Values or one of the mosques listed to get in contact with other progressive Muslims, other LGBT Muslims, etc. Just having a support network can be helpful in the immediate term.

If you find some especially useful resources or groups, consider posting information about them to EC to help others in your situation, either in general, or when a thread like this one pops up. Pay it forward, basically

Finally, there are other LGBT Muslims who post to EC occasionally - stick around and keep an eye out and you can probably get in touch with each other via EC.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

First of all. (*hug*)

Religion doesn't play a major role in my life, but it is important. I like to fall back on my traditions, values, beliefs and culture many times because it's what gives me spiritual strength. And that matters to me. I like to think that I have a connection to God through my spiritual and religious beliefs.

So IMHO if you believe in Islam, not necessarily everything the religion preaches, then you should follow whatever you think is appropriate by your definition.

I'm a practicing Hindu. While I'm not extremely orthodox, I like to think that in some instances I have traditionalist tendencies. Again, I don't agree with all the traditions of my religion, I like to pick and choose what I believe in it and I'm happy to do so. I don't consider that I'm disrespecting my religion or it's "rules" because I'm choosing how I practice it. While Hinduism doesn't outright say anything against LGBT+, the majority of people who practice it do view LGBT+ as wrong. This can also be due to other factors such as the environment in which the religion is being practiced. I try not to let that fact bother me because I strongly feel I have a right to my beliefs and practices even if they are radically different from the ones of my immediate family and friends.

You mentioned that you are living in Canada now. IMHO Canada is a very liberal place when it comes to LGBT+ or Religion in general. While I do agree that there are traditionalists who will not share your openness, such people exist everywhere and in every religion the exists in this world.

If you want to continue practicing Islam, I'd suggest you do. If you want to be an atheist because you feel like you have no belief in God, then become an atheist. IMHO, you shouldn't become an atheist because it will be easier for you to come out or justify your sexuality. Do it only if you feel that is what your belief is, without any other consequence.

Just my two cents.

 

I live in a country where the Muslims I've interacted with are just as tolerant as Christians and atheists and everyone else. So it's really about where you are a lot. If you live in Iran or Saudi Arabia, then yes, being gay and following Islam... isn't always going to be perfectly compatible. But well, in that case it wouldn't matter whether you're Muslim or not, really.

If you feel that you want to practice Islam, do so. There are lots of Muslim social circles which will accept you.
If I may, you remind me a bit of Hagrid from Harry Potter, wheen he isolated himself from society because he thought nobody would like him or want him as a teacher because he was part giant. But then Dumbledore told him (paraphrasing) "Hagrid, if you are aspiring for universal popularity you're going to be sitting here for a very long time indeed."
As you say yourself, it's mostly that Islam as a social phenomenon is sometimes homophobic (just like Christianity or mostly any other religion). You can still establish a personal connection with Allah if you want to, and I bet you can find accepting Mosques or Muslim social circles that you can practice at/partake in.

Hope that helps!
<3

 

You should not call yourself an atheist just because you are angry or disappointed with god. You should call yourself an atheist if you don't believe in god.

I'm atheist and become one when I realized that I did not believe in any god and that the only reason why I called myself christian was because of tradition. I could not start believing in god even if I wanted to.

I don't want to start "converting" you to atheism but I do say that your questions are fair. Why indeed would god be so obsessed with your sexuality and sex life if he made you that way? And even if that was true, would you seriously want to worship a god that punishes you for his actions? What kind of sick bastard he would have to be? I could not worship and love such god. Worshiping him would be nothing more than a feeble attempt to avoid punishment for not worshiping him.

Presumably in other aspects of your life you won't take anyone's word for granted - especially if what they are telling seems incredible. Why not apply the same standard for religions too?

 

Saying that Christianity is opposed to gays is an incorrect generalization. Some denominations are very accepting, some are not, and some are still engaged in active discussion with differing opinions among the membership.

 

Isn't that a sad reason to worship a god? Do you believe that by worshiping god you go to paradise? I'm sorry to say but according to islamic theology your actions don't count when deciding can you enter the paradise: "Grace is in the hands of Allah. He gives it to whomsoever He pleases."(57:30)

Vast majority of islamic scholars agree that homosexuality is a sin and offense to god. The only point where they disagree is how the offenders should be put to death. Naturally not all muslims even know about this or they just out rightly reject it. But it won't change the fact that this is how Profet Mo meant it. This is how islam has been historically exercised. Now, personally I hope the progressives gain more influence in islamic world but I'm not at all optimistic. This applies to any religion but islam is what islam does. It does not matter what is "theoretically" correct - all that matters is how the believers behave.

Have you asked yourself why you believe in any supernatural being in the first place? And secondarily, why in islam in particular? Does it not bother you that was majority of people adopt the religion of their parents and very few change it to an other one? The only consistent net flow is people who become atheists. Don't you think you would be hindu had you happened to be born to a hindu family? And if so, why do you think islam is the path and not hinduism. After all, we both can probably agree that where you happen to born is random?

Here is what I believe. I don't believe in any supernatural beings be it god, fairies or Santa Claus. However, IF there is god who sends people to heaven and hell AND if he is merciful, fair and loving, then ONLY my actions towards my fellow beings in this world will determine will I go to hell - not do I believe in him or follow his arbitrary rules. If there is god and he is the kind of psycho that the holy books suggest, then I'm screwed anyway even if I follow his rules to the dot. All gods require that the believers love him unconditionally and that I cannot do. I cannot love in anyway such a psychotic sadist so I'm doomed no matter what I do.

 

It doesn't really matter what the holy books say. People will believe what they want irrespective of the scripture. Traditional Christianity is not much better than Islam in this sense. The bible tells that homosexuality is abomination but the bible also prohibits wearing cotton-polyester blends and calls eating shrimp abomination. Jesus himself said he did not come to revoke the Jewish law so strictly speaking Christians are still bound by the rules of the old testament.

The Christianity is not what it used to be not because the Bible is somehow remarkably more tolerant than Qu'ran. It's because the people decided to ignore the craziest parts in the Bible.

I'm not familiar with the story you presented but that is only indicative of Mo's tolerance towards effeminate guys but it says nothing about him being tolerant of homosexuals which he was not. However, how religion actually is interpreted depends only on the people. I have a close friend in SA who is a Muslim but he basically rejects the most medieval parts of Islam. He does not think homosexuality is a sin but admits it's just his belief which is not substantiated by the scripture.

If you realize that you are Muslim ONLY because you were raised as one why do you still believe that Islam is the way to salvation? I mean it's one thing to be "Friday Muslim/Sunday Christian" and another thing to believe the stuff the imam or priest is telling you. Would you doubt your religion if you were straight and I came to you with the argument that made you doubt your faith in the first place?

 

I like to think such hope exists everywhere. It is always helpful to be slightly, if not entirely, optimistic.

In my opinion when parents raise their children in the religion they were raised in, they are merely showing a path the children can follow in. My Grandfather used to be very orthodox, he was always immersed in prayers and traditions. But my father is more practical than him. He does prayers, but doesn't let them direct his day. He doesn't let spirituality and religion be the center of his life. Whereas I feel I am Semi-Orthodox and a Semi-Practicing Hindu as I don't do prayer or practice most traditions, but I still do go to the Temple and read Scriptures occasionally.

It is the way you look at it. It isn't written anywhere that your parents' religion must be your own.

 

^ I'm honored that I'm one of your exposures to Hinduism. :roflmao:

I understand that about Islam. One of my muslim friends told me when we were back in school that Islam is one of those religions which is both strict and lenient. It is the way you look at the practices of the religion. I like to think Islam practices and preaches Systematic Life. It makes you a systematic person. I believe that to be a good influence.

As for each religion becoming less religious than the one before, I believe that is happening to an extent. I have seen young people of my age and even younger than me immerse themselves in religion, read scriptures and prayer even more than what we do. So I think it is personal choice. But yes, majorly what you said is happening in my opinion.

 

My guess is changing times. People are becoming more practical nowadays and hence beliefs change. Don't you think people now are much more different than those in the 1800s or 1900s? Similarly religion changes too. I know my beliefs and way of following traditions differs drastically from how my Grandfather and Great-Grandfather used to do things. I just find it convenient to do things the way I do them now. That's why.

 

Hi, I'm late to this conversation but I hope I can be resourceful, first of all theology has interested me from childhood hence ive read quite a bit. I have to confess I don't know much about Islam or other abrahamic religions! But I have an overview! So if you objectively observe religions through out the world and look at the similarities and dissimilarities , you'd observe one thing , various stages of religions are just a reflection of the evolving human mind , they have evolved as humans have ! Now consider mythology throughout the world ,they have a lot of similarities , moving on from them , see paganism and other so to say primitive religions, you'd see how they had polytheistic approaches, soon these consolidated to monotheism in different forms! Now this I feel Is just a translation of how humans perceived and understood earth! Dwelling into the finer aspects of religions at different points of time you'd understand that those teachings just reflects the state of mind of individuals at that time! Now in history and even today homosexuality has been related to promiscuity and hence the idea that it's lust driven! And lust is viewed to be purely evil by religion! Something which man must control ! While straight people can be lusty , the difference in the average sex drive of the two sexes and social construct of how a man and woman must be in a society , plays a check and control system on lust! Now what did you infer from the story of the prophet and the trans man ? The prophet kicked him out of his house when he learnt he could have sexual feelings for his wife? Now no offence to the prophet, but if you psychological dissect this act, it simply displays insecurity? Now while you broadly look at all the rules laid down by religion you would notice how it is all about bringing order in society, now the way the rules are set are a clear reflection of the patriarchal nature of the society and the constant desire of humans to bring order and certainty! Now the truth is , entropy of the universe can never be zero and masculinity is very fragile! Over years when gender roles and perceptions of gender developed, masculinity was considered great and any sign of feminity in man was viewed very harshly! But same isn't completely true for woman! Lines are blurred for them! Yes there have been ideals for them but the psychological make up of a woman, makes her more secure! Now in a background of existing promiscuity, there would be constant pressure to find and maintain a partner, this hurts masculine feelings because the ability to maintain a partner is somehow related to a person's masculinity ! Now if you observe how animals mate ,the male often has to prove his masculinity to the female before he mates with her! Now what does this show you? When there is promiscuity it becomes harder to find and keep a partner! I'm sure all of us in the lgbt world know the feeling! Superimpose this with the insecurities that masculinity brings with it and patriarchal nature of the rules! You'd see how and why the religious leaders made laws against promiscuity! Now given that these leaders are straight and they hated promiscuity , they didn't understand homosexuality and all they could relate to it was that it is a form of promiscuity! also consider the times when there wasn't an option of ivf n surrogacy! Many homosexual and Bisexual men tended to marry woman to form a family as that was the only option to procreate , but continued to be promiscuous with men! This is simply because the sexual urge is so naturally engraved that it's hard to deny it and also because of the general perception of the society that everyone has to procreate! Now for an idealistic view of society this adultery is homosexuality and is evil and hence homosexuality is evil! They didn't have much examples of how homosexuals can form families like they do today! So just think wouldnt they hence be against homosexuality? If Mohamed was himself so insecure about adultery, wouldn't it be reflected in the rules set in the Quran? Ok enough of reasoning as to why they thought homosexuality is bad and evil! Now as I said religion evolves as man evolves ,these new minor religious groups and denominations who are forward thinking are probably going to be the mainstream religion someday! So yes , I think it's wiser for you to affirm to the modern Muslim groups!
Now as to why you should do this, I'm going to blurt some medical knowledge as I'm studying to be a doctor! WHO defines various dimensions to health and one of them is spiritual health! Unless you are secure in your beliefs and philosophy of life you wouldn't be healthy! Might sound funny but this spiritual ill health will creep into your daily functioning and In a long run affect the other dimensions of your health! So you can't give up on spirituality all together! You can't give up your sexuality either as it has shown to affect your health in the long run!
Studies have shown that a person's belief about the existance of a supernatural being is genetic! Many atheists for example tend to swing to theism when they are under stress and adverse conditions! Hence some amount of what you believe is beyond your control and acculturation influences this genetic component significantly! So yes while your drifting about religious faiths you might feel some internal conflict, it is very natural and because of these factors! True victory is to break through ,to find and affirm to what's most apt to you!
Now about lust, sexual attraction and the desire to copulate is a very natural phenomenon, its like thurst and hunger! Very biological and natural! I don't see how this hence can be evil ? Yes doing harm to appease this natural instinct is bad, but its not evil! So I find the basis of the whole hatred against homosexuality in the abrahamic religions, very flawed and unacceptable!
We now have more scientific knowledge , science can justify how n why it occurs , but the philosophical aspect can't be defined by science, that's where religion comes to play! Ultimately science can say that it's human psychology and tendency to search for reason in everything that makes him to find the need to have a psychological blanket in religion and religion can say science is just an explanation as to how the world that God created works! The ultimate fact is that in our existence in the present day world we can never know who is right! It can never be proven whether god exists or that he doesn't exist ! That's why I'm agnostic! My advice to you hence is to explore religions Like the way you have till now, but now with an open mind, with the will to change and find what is right for you! Coz ultimately each one of us are different and no one thing can be right for everyone! If your family will reject you, you can't do anything about it, they would first reject you for being gay then for not being Muslim! And since you said your sisters and mom have drifted away from Islam, this rejection isn't going to be as severe as you think it is!
Oh and as for how you would have never questioned religion ,had you been straight, I'd say consider yourself lucky enough to have these doubts! It is going to make you a better human!