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Confused After All

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by spoulding, Dec 28, 2015.

  1. spoulding

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    I've always been comfortable with my sexuality. Never had the need to classify myself as gay, straight, bi or anything. I've been with boys, girls - mostly girls -, and that was okay. But now everything is just blurry.

    I don't feel sexually attracted to men - I'm kind of put off and terrified by the thought of being sexually involved with one actually -, but I am romantically attracted to them. On the other hand, I'm sexually comfortable with women.

    All of this wouldn't be a problem if I weren't deeply in love with my best friend. He likes me too, but how do I start a relationship knowing that I won't be able to be sexually involved with him?

    I know it's a traditional-society thing to think that all relations involve sex, but unfortunately we still live in one and it's hard being different.

    So, how do I manage being a homosexual biromantic girl who is currently in love with a boy?
     
  2. spoulding

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    I thought about seeing other girls to make sure I am or not entirely gay, but I feel that if I do this, my relationship with my friend will be compromised. Fffffff, I'm lost.
     
  3. spoulding

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    Wow, thanks for the help.
     
  4. Papagei

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    If you're sure he's interested and also wants a relationship, I would talk to him about it. Explain your situation and how you feel, and see how he responds. If he's open to the idea, then I'd at least give it a try. But if he's not okay with possibly never having sex, I'd honestly not get involved in it and start exploring your sexuality some more.
     
  5. spoulding

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    My ex wasn't okay with it, the reason we broke up. We've talked about our chances and I know we won't start anything now. Unrelated reasons. I'll talk to him when the time comes, but now I'm not sure whether I should see if a relationship with another girl would make me happier and more satisfied with myself. Perhaps this love I feel about him is supposed to be platonic.
     
  6. idsm

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    Hey, spoulding! Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    No need to become sarcastic. It´s the holidays, people are out of program and far less inclined to be online and active in fora. What is more, there are times that questions posed are so difficult to answer that people just don´t know what to say. This is often falsely interpreted as disregard, but I can assure you that´s not the case. Anyway, back ontopic.

    I am not really qualified to answer as things are much more clear for me, but I will try to offer an opinion and hopefully some help.

    Physical closeness does not always come right away. Sometimes you need a special bond with the other person that is more powerful than an infatuation or a crush. Perhaps you should give yourself some time to form this bond with your friend and see if you warm up to the idea of having sex with him.

    You mention no disgust or indifference towards men, but fear. If I am not misinterpreting anything (forgive me if I am), being with women is not necessarily more enjoyable but more comfortable. This is something you should think about. Could this fear be limiting your sexual orientation (as in making you identify as homosexual biromantic instead of bisexual)?

    Best friends are best friends for a reason. They are there to hear our deepest thoughts and biggest concerns. You could confide in him and ask for his own input. You don´t need to make it about him. You could just tell him about the confusion that comes with being romantically but not sexually attracted to men.

    I really can´t think of anything else to say. Hope everything sorts itself out. (*hug*)
     
  7. Papagei

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    She gave some really great advice. :slight_smile:

    The only other thing I'd suggest is to go ahead and give dating a girl a try. As much as I thought I understood my sexuality, so many things didn't become clear until I actually got involved with a girl, and I'm STILL discovering new things about myself. Some things just aren't really clear until you're actually experiencing them first hand.
     
  8. spoulding

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    That was a great advice. I can say that I feel disgusted as well. It's funny because I'm applying for medical school, but the male anatomy repels me in a way I cannot describe.

    Thank you for the words, it seems you found the ones I needed to read. I'll talk him about it.

    I've dated some girls, but I wasn't this confused back then. I might try it again, to see if it sheds some light on my problem. Thank you, Papagei.
     
  9. idsm

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    This should be a good enough indicator for you. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Now think the other way around. Could you be mistaking brotherly love for romantic attraction? Could there be a reason (emotional, social, environmental, familial or whatever else) that prevents you from being a full blown lesbian?

    Talk to your friend and let things flow. With him and other people, too. Eventually you will have the answer.
     
  10. spoulding

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    Yes, I could, but it feels so much like a romantic thing that wouldn't know the difference. Actually, there isn't any reason. My parents are okay with it and I don't really care about what others think about me.