I know this is going to be a stupid question, some may even find it offensive (I have a special skill in upsetting people without intend to), but it's a really serious question. Can you stop your sexuality from being fluid? I'm a 15 year old girl and I figured out I wasn't straight around elevenish, and labeled myself bi in my head simply because I didn't know. I didn't want to be with guys but I also didn't want to rule them out from my life. Even though I had set this label, this bothered me very much. I thought about it every single day, multiple times a day, trying to figure out if I was a lesbian or not). This went on until about last year, when I was like "fuck it I'm super gay". And I honestly were. I had come out as bi at this point, my whole school knew, but I started coming out as gay. However, this year I've realised I had a point in this "I don't want to exclude boys", because NOW, when I am not a closeted lesbian but an open one, I have found slowly losing interest in girls and being attracted to guys. Again, I may say, because this is what it was like before realising I wasn't straight (without sexual arousal, of course). I started to come out as bi again, explaining that my sexuality changed and at times I may be gay, but then I may be bi, and then I might be straight. People tried to understand. Anyways, now I'm turning gay again. And honestly, I like me being gay way more. It feels more like me. So now to the stupid question. I want to always be gay, is there some way I can stabilise my sexuality? I realise most likely this answer is no, I cannot, but I'd love to hear another.
I feel exactly the same way! Its incredibly frustrating, I don't know what to do about it. I'm still in the questioning process by the way. At times I feel so sure about myself and I truly believe I'm gay but then as time goes on, I doubt myself....A lot. "I like me being gay way more. It feels more like me." -I can definitely relate to that statement. Its almost as if I'm scared to like the opposite sex, which is ironic since its socially acceptable to be heterosexual and usually people who question their sexuality fear being attracted to the same sex..... All I can say is I don't think anyone can control the way they feel towards people they are attracted to. Labels torture me, I feel like I'm trapped in a box and can't get out. Don't let them rule your life. Let go a bit, and let yourself be allowed to like and be attracted to whomever catches your eye. If you feel comfortable in the lesbian label, and perhaps are attracted to guys once in awhile, you don't have to put yourself in another label (such as bisexuality) if you don't feel it to be right. Sexuality isn't black and white, it shouldn't be. I don't know if that made any sense, I'm in the same situation you're in as well. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it--and its really confusing. But I believe its just important to stay as true to yourself as you can.
Is this with specific people? I know that over time my sexuality "changes" because sometimes I'm only attracted to women and sometimes only to men, but it's not like I'm repulsed by anyone I "used" to be attracted to. Is it possible you're just hypersensitive to it?
If you could alter your sexuality through force of will, the gay population would probably be a lot smaller than it currently is. It would be far more plausible to try to accept yourself for what you really are, and to try to understand that there are certain things about yourself that, although you currently see them as inconvenient, are unchangeable, and a core part of who you are.
I don't think you can. You're kind of it's b*tch. No one can control their sexuality, but they can try and it just makes them miserable, just my opinion.
Yeah, im pretty sure you can't control your sexuality in any way but I get your problem. I have so many weird changes as well. I've gone through feeling straight, then bi, then straight then bi, then recently just super gay with no interesr in guys but then with these odd days where I'm like "wtf no I'm totally straight". I also understand the whole being gay " feels more like me" thing. Somehow in my gayest moments I feel much happier and more confident so it feels sort of right but I have to say - you are the person who is feeling these variable feelings; gay you isn't you, straight you isn't you, fluid you is you. You have to sort of embrace the interest of you fluidity as a quirk of yourself.
As far as I've heard, a lot of research has pointed to that sexuality in general (genetically) is more fluid than what is commonly perceived. I understand that it's problematic for you to admit that you might not be 100% gay (or straight). But it might be one of those things you're just going to have to accept. Like, I sometimes feel like I'm totally straight. But I am also at least sexually attracted to women, and there's no point in me denying that or trying to counteract it. It's better to embrace it, like others have said above.
A lot of bisexuals tend to have times where their preference is fixed on particular gender, then another... And a lot of us are confused because of that. That doesn't mean inability to form a stable relationship, thankfully.
