Hi guys. First post here, seems to be a very supportive and mature community you have here so I am glad to have found it. A bit of background for me. I have always felt that I was more straight than gay, i.e. around 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale. I won't say I'm one or the other as I feel it is a sliding scale and I've had sexual feelings for both men and women in the past. My specific concern is with a close guy friend. We went to secondary school together (so known each other since being 11) and we have always got on. This friend is the only bromance I feel I have ever had. We have always been very comfortable with each other and fairly hands on, hugging / wrestling / tickling etc and falling asleep on each other on road trips etc. I wouldn't say I have had sexual feelings for him prior, just feelings of close attachment as the rare person I get on with really well. We have both since gone to university and both slept with (quite a few) girls. He is one of the few people I remain in contact with from secondary school. Last year I went to see him in Exeter where he is studying and went out for a few mad ones. While I was staying with him I suggested we kiss (since I had recently played Never Have I Ever and that was something I hadn't tried yet) as he is the only person I have ever felt like I could ask that. He seemed keen to give it a go and we actually made out in the middle of a house full of other people, a lot of whom neither of us knew. At that point I was like "Hmm that was OK, not amazing but I feel fine and not weird at all." But then in the following weeks I couldn't get the moment out of my head for some reason. Then in our last break around November we went out for drinks and got absolutely wasted. Apparently we made out again but with tongues and it was getting really mushy. Neither of us remember and have no idea who initiated it. Nothing else happened because people walked in but I am starting to wonder what would have happened if nobody had. A lot of strong feelings appear to have been unleashed, like they were sleeping before but have been let out. Questions I have from this are since we both prefer girls (and he seems to be a womaniser from the stories he's told) is it normal for us to feel so comfortable kissing? how should I judge how interested he is in continuing to mess around and not overstep the mark and ruin our friendship? does this mean I should come out as bi? I've not had the desire to make out with any other guy Thanks in advance for your help. :icon_bigg
I don't know if I'll be able to help you since I'm a girl with another type of experience, but I really want to give it a try. Normal is a very, very relative concept. In this case, as an outsider, I think that it may be a specific feeling that you have for each other. It might as well be nothing too. Have you talked to him about what happened that time you got drunk? Talking to him about it can help the same way it can ruin things, but with caution, knowing and being open about it is always better than guessing. Now, the friendship mark is something for you to judge. If you were comfortable enough to propose a kiss and he was okay with it, perhaps a similar approach will work. Labelling sometimes can complicate things. What you feel for him may be just a specific attraction, towards the person and not the gender. Wait until you see how this plot unravels to draw conclusions. PS: when I finished reading your background story, it felt like I was reading a very interesting romance and it ended up with a cliffhanger. Don't know why I said this, but it's true.
Ok ok ok, take some things into consideration here. You were drunk, when your drunk 2 things could have happened A) you were drunk and didn't know what you were doing (this one is most common) B) you meant it, like people have said on here they came out when they were drunk and it was an accident etc. Question one) You were drunk and both have known each other for a long time, it might not make sense but these two things will clash together, whether or not you meant making out. Question two) A little confused here, do you think he did it on purpose? Like are you interested continuing to "mess around" And when you say judge if he is interested, has he had any signs before maybe bisexual if he has slept with a handful or more of women. Question three) You should probably not come out as bi, even though you say you made out, I still think that you guys just being drunk is pretty common in this scenario. If you notice some changes, and start liking guys and girls give it time make sure! Finally if you do decide your bisexual follow the guidelines of coming out, make sure your safe, be prepared s**t can happen, as much as it sucks people can leave you in a heartbeat. Sorry to end on that sad note, Hope it helped (sorry if some of it is confusing)
Thanks for the replies so far. So good to finally speak about this in full. My worry is that if I spoke about it in depth with him and made out that it was more than just a joke he'd freak out. Haha the funny thing is it almost feels like we're together now, albeit platonic. I would definitely be jealous if he got a full time girlfriend. I should have explained, when I'm drunk I often get into a state where I don't remember things, and people tell me after what I did. Anything I bring up or start is always something I mean or want to do. Anything other people do usually induces me to be a lot more open than I would do whilst drunk, whether in revealing things about me or doing things like dares, sex etc. So now on that level I feel like I want to kiss him again as I could have started it and I was clearly enjoying myself at the time. I don't think he did it on purpose, I think it was something that just happened since we were both drunk. I think it is something that we both wanted to do sober, but both too afraid or shy to propose it (although like I said, I'm too scared to ask him what he really wants). I can't deny to myself that I enjoy making out with him and want to do it again. I'm just not sure where to draw the line, in case he doesn't actually want to carry on and I freak him out (since he's never done anything but make out with other guys either).
You don't have to talk to him like this. If you have the chance, in a more relaxed environment, bring up the subject. Ask what was it like for him. I was in a similar situation with a friend - we made out a couple of times - and talking helped. Perhaps you'll end up making out again. Sorry, but now I'm really into your story with this gentleman and IT IS SO CUTE. If you don't mind, I'll send you a friend request so I can be closer to this. If you think that it was something you both wanted to do but didn't have the courage, I think it's worth trying to get over this fear and propose it again shall the opportunity presents itself. You enjoy kissing him and, as far as I can tell, he does too, even if one of the times he was pissed.
So just a quick update, last night we ended up kissing for new year and we weren't particularly drunk, it just happened naturally. Then I went back to his and we ended up sleeping in the same bed and spooning all night. I feel like this thing is escalating but it still feels like there's an air of lad-ness about it and I don't want to ask what's going on in case he freaks out. Also originally I never foresaw this going past making out but now I am actively imagining doing more stuff with this guy, thoughts I've not had for anyone else. Is straightness for most people but gay for one guy a thing? I'm feeling pretty out of my depth here
I had some experiences like that(my first love was "straight" but we were kissing and once we were drunk and i almost gave him a blow job, but someone entered in the room...when i said to him that i was in love he changed), i have a very good (gay) friend and we are always cuddling, hugging, playing etc. but there is not love or sexual attraction (at least from my perspective), so i would not go straight to the illusion just because he does not behave like the conventional straight dude who does not show affection to his buddies. I know some straight guys who are very sweet with their brothers and friends. That said, if you have sexual attraction for this guy and are afraid to say it to him then just wait, let things happen and just figure out.
New Year's kiss, then spooning. He didn't say a word about neither of these things? People usually call it heteroflexible, I think. You're mostly straight, but gay for specific someones.
How did he/both of you act in the morning? Like, did you wake up still cuddled up? In which case what did he say?
