Hi everyone! For 2 years I knew I was gay but I would always deny it because I was scared, but in the May of 2015 I took a hard look at my life and accepted myself as gay. I realized I cannot lie to myself anymore and I need to accept me for who I am. These past 7 months have been exciting because I am discovering and embracing a whole new side of myself. Nowadays I have been thinking about being truthful to my family however I am having trouble. I know (and feel in my heart) that I am definitely gay but something is holding me back from coming out. I am having doubts and I am secretly scared about my sexuality. I keep thinking what if I am bisexual and I am scared that one day I am going to wake up and not recognize myself. I'm not sure if I am 100% gay or if I am just telling myself that because it is just easier. I am never attracted to females romantically or sexually which means I am not bisexual but I am scared that maybe there is a tiny bit of bisexuality in me and I am just shoving those feelings away because I think I am gay. I heard that for many, bisexuality is like a bridge to fully accepting that they are gay and may just be part of their coping process. So my concern is, that I am very comfortable being gay but I am scared that I may be rushing my feelings. I keep thinking what if I am one of those people who are truly bisexual. I know a lot of you will say wait and figure out your feelings and try experimenting with both, but I just really want to know what I am. I know labels are not important but I can't stop thinking about it. I am too young to have the opportunity to "experiment" with both genders (especially since I'm ugly). I am just lonely and confused and I need help finding myself. To those who have gone through this, how did you figure yourself out and how long did it take to fully figure things out. Also, after going through finding yourself, what was the outcome for you? Thank you all in advance :lol: Love you all LGBT Pride! (!) Please Help! :help:
I had a very similar experience! Mine was more like, so what if I came out as gay and one fine day after I've told the whole world, what if I realise I'm bi n predominantly attracted to woman or turn straight ! The thought was very unacceptable to me ! I kept obsessing over it and developed a form of ocd , but now through self therapy! I realise that this is because of a lot of paradoxical internalized homophobia! I'm still working through overcoming this confusion, but I realised the best way is to let go! We have no control over our future! And it's futile to worry! I also had this feeling of guilt n betrayal! You know the guilt of what if I am hurting my parents for no reason! Then I realized my present sexuality status is me being completely truthful now! Let's live in the moment and leave to being truthful about changes when the changes actually occur! So calm down! You are not the only one! Most importantly I think it does stem from repression and incomplete self acceptance! I had the same fear , what if I'm choosing to be gay because its a lot more easier to be a complete deviant! You know its just a way to justify your 'choice' of wanting to be with men, which somehow you wouldn't have a freedom to make if you were bi! Because you can "choose" to be with a woman and live a "normal" life! It's all just internalized homophobia! Work on it
You said it yourself, you're young. There's plenty of time to experiment and explore both genders. I know how a label can be comforting, but there's absolutely no problem in changing it after. I've already changed mine a few times, from lesbian to bi back to lesbian and then asexual to demi to straight and now homosexual biromantic. Will people might think you're just confused and will take this as argument to say it's just a phase? Sure, but the important thing is that you'll be comfortable with yourself and that's all that matters. If you feel that coming out it's not a problem, then come out. If you change your mind after, it's okay. Bear this is mind, no one's happiness is more important than yours and their opinions shouldn't make you afraid of being who you are. If you identify yourself as gay now, then you are.
The label is a tool. Like any other tool it is really good for certain things but has its limits. It will provide some comfort and will make it so that you can communicate your orientation to others. It won't tell you that much about who you are though. Besides who you are is going to change several times in your life. You could just say you are gay to most people. Maybe with your most trusted friends and family you could mention that you are still questioning being bi.
