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I'm totally lost

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Book addict, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. Book addict

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    Good evening everyone,
    I'm 17, male, and totally lost... I've also waited for a long time before registering and posting.
    Since 3 years I feel like I've been attracted to other men my age. However it's really weird 'cause I'm also attracted to women but it is at a very lower level.... I had had a girlfriend for almost 7 months but we broke up because it was more like a friendship... We didn't do anything besides kissing (it was just kisses for hellos and goodbyes). When I go outside, most of the time I look at men but mostly try not to do it. Why? Because I don't want people saying I'm gay and saying nasty things to me. Yes, where I live, it's not really common.. Moreover, when I'm with my family they always ask me if I have a girlfriend or if I have a crush on a girl, so I try to change the subject or lie saying that indeed there are pretty girl in my class. Also, I feel like I would disappoint them. I truly don't know what I'm, because I'd like, in the future, to have children, a family... I forgot to say that when I was in the relationship I told you before, I was already attracted to men. In addition, I don't have a best friend to talk with. I have mostly female friends (not a lot). I'm very scared and lost. Does anyone has been in the same situation? Can you help me?

    Also sorry for my english, I'm french.

    Book addict
     
  2. questions4ever

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    Hey! Your definitely gay or bi you said you were sometimes attracted to girls is that really true or is the culturally conditioned? If you find you like girls as well but less so you're still technically bi. If not, you're gay. I'm sorry for the hard situation try to test the waters and find a friend or adult whose an LGBT ally. Feel free to post on my wall with any questions :slight_smile:
     
  3. Book addict

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    First of all, thank you for taking the time @questions4ever
    When I say I'm attracted to girls it's indeed at a really low level but also because I've to be attracted to girls. Who I think about, sexually speaking, is men. That's why I really don't feel comfortable when people ask me about girls... Also, when I was in a relationship it was more like I've to be straight, there is no way I'm attracted to men. I'm so sorry to bother you but I'm totally lost :icon_sad:
    And where I live there are no LGBT people or anything that's why I registered on this site, because I had no one to talk to about it...
    I don't feel so great..
    Again I'm so sorry to bother you all.
    Book addict
     
  4. Book addict

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    Does anyone has been in the same situation? What did you do?

    Book addict
     
  5. CameOutSwinging

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    It definitely sounds to me like your probably gay, maybe bi since you say there's some (all be it low) attraction to women. But it also sounds like you think that you must be with a woman, that your society has pointed you towards thinking that you have no choice in the matter. If you follow down that road, you'll end up in a place where you're married to a woman you love but find that you're not being true to yourself and may end up ten times more confused and even end up hurting that woman you end up with. You're so young right now, and single, so hard as it may be, take this opportunity to explore the things you're questioning! Try dating a man, you can do it without completely outing yourself. See how it feels, see if you can have romantic feelings towards him. It sounds like you didn't have romantic feelings towards your girlfriend, so it could be a real eye opener if you open yourself up to the potential of falling for a guy.
     
  6. DemiLiHue

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    I'm 90% sure that you are gay, but biromantic (or Panromantic if you prefer this term)
     
  7. Book addict

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    Hi! I know, and I really, really would like to know also what it feels like to be with a guy. Unfortunately, as I said before, where I live, or in my school, this is not common... Moreover, if I found a guy I also want it to be true... Really inlove, you know what I mean? To be passionate, not random.
    Also, what I meant in my previous message is that even with a guy I would, I don't know, but maybe adopt a child or children in order to have a family, as long as I am happy with the one I'm really inlove with. I KNOW that I'm more attracted to men than women, but it is the question of coming out that scares me. What scares me too, is that if I talk to someone about who I really am (gay or bi) in my school I know it will be more difficult than without coming out. :eusa_doh: Maybe, by some miracle, if I found a man who I feel comfortable with, I would and it will be easier, but if I say something now I feel like it will be way more difficult... I'm sorry but it's like my feelings are falling apart. When I first found this site, I knew it was my chance to "know" me more since I couldn't really talk to anyone... So I took the opportunity, and the only things I can tell you to help me is yes I'm more attracted to men, my life is a mess right now because I'd like to experience with a guy but I don't know now what really to do. Maybe next year when I'll do my studies, not where I live now, it will be easier but what is killing me is that I feel like I need to be sure of what to do... And not being sure of what to do is killing me.
    :icon_sad:

    Book addict

    ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2016 at 07:38 PM ----------

    Thanks but what means Biromantic?

    Book addict
     
  8. Book addict

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  9. Jacdotcom

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    By reading your original post, it sounds from your story telling that you are Bisexual but with an interest, wether sexually or emotionally, towards men more than women. That's totally okay, there are lots of bisexually people I have met through school and/or friends that leans towards the other gender. It's better to relax yourself and not to worry about and think that you have to choose a gender, or even a sexual orientation. But you will need to accept it wether it will soon, now or very late.

    As for coming out, you said that you have female friends. Maybe, try to feel or find out their views on sexualities and their acceptance. If you can, try easing you situation and/or sexuality into them. But if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, come out to the people you feel most comfortable with. And try to build up slowly from there. Like, one or two of your closest friends then, bring them with you if you would like, move on to another group of friends then eventually your family.

    And for trying to find out and experimenting through relationships, I am not truly for it as it may hurt a person if one of the parties suddenly realise they weren't what they thought they were and it could lead to many things. Being young actually has it perks, young people are not forced to be in a relationship and have family like others in their thirty's or forty's. We can either experiment and see where it takes us or wait until a relationship comes to us. All the options are mostly up to you. If you want to go seeking for relationship, love or your sexuality, go for it or you can wait until love comes around the corner and bumping into you; it is up to you.

    ((lmao im sorry if that didn't make any sense))
     
    #9 Jacdotcom, Jan 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
  10. Book addict

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    Hi! I really appreciate what you said and it makes sense! :icon_wink
    Thank you! With what you said, I think I might go for "experimenting" before.
    Only time will tell. Thank you again for taking the time :kiss:
    I will keep all what you said in my mind!
    Book addict

    THANK YOU ALL
     
  11. R M

    R M
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    Book Addict where are you??? I miss you. Why can't I post on your wall anymore?
    Please message me.
    Huggss