Not sure what to do

Jesus dude idk what to do. I've never felt like this before. Just this yearning and this want and this impatience. It's terrible. 2015 was probably the worst year I've had in a while. Lost my job, lost my band, potentially losing my best friend because he found a girlfriend, parents are all upset with me, and now I'm making this impulsive decision to "discover myself" and I'm in this huge rush to do so all because of this stupid shit. I'm hitting up my friends asking to chill just so I could tell them what I'm going through. I feel like a shell of what I used to be. I go out with friends and this shit just lingers in the back of my mind even in the happiest of get togethers. I'm less funny, I'm less goofy, I'm less outgoing, I'm fucking nothing right now. I pride myself on positivity and it's really hard at this point to keep it going. I'm talking to 3 fucking therapists. I was a depressing pile of mush at my lunch with friends today and I didn't even eat half my sandwich. I can't even eat, and I fucking love eating. Eating rules.

I really don't know where to turn man. Since I don't have a job, these thoughts just tear me up as I sit in my room all day. It's taking me away from my main focus, which should be finding a job. Finding myself seems to be the top priority in my mind, but again, I don't even know where to begin.

At the end of the day, my main thought process is "why can't I just be like everyone else"... not in the sense that I might be gay (shit- I'd fucking LOVE to just be gay at this point), but in the sense that I sometimes feel I have zero sexual attraction to anyone. Everyone I've been around my entire life has been driven by sex. It's what makes them get up in the morning, it's what makes them work hard, it's what makes them go out at night. It's as simple as "I haven't been laid in 3 months and I'm starting to go crazy", and then they go out and do whatever it takes because that's what they live for.

I just went on a date with a good looking girl with her tits out and spent 100 fucking dollars and felt nothing. I felt like I was getting to know some stranger who had nothing in common with me. The tits that were pretty much in my face the whole time provided no value for me because her personality sucked. And while it may seem nice and different that her ass cheeks and tits provide nothing for me, its miserable; because everyone I know would've leaped right onto that. They would've made a move. They would've made those 100 dollars worth it in some way. I have even talked to a buddy of mine about it and he was just like "yeah you gotta choose better and cheaper spots and always go for the close" and I'm like fuckin THANKS dude that's just what I need. I have friends that complain about their girlfriends all the time and won't fucking break up with them because theyre good in the sack.

I can't even explain what I want to anyone because it's so god damn complicated. My one friend that knows about all this asked me like 100 questions about it today and I had zero answers. I just kept saying "dude i really don't know". And while it's good that I'm finally discovering that there's something up, it makes it 10 thousand times worse that I don't know what's up. I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be alone in this. I somehow need to find the people that get what I'm going through without dropping all this on them right away and seeming all dramatic, and that seems impossible.

I have no step one with this problem. I'm just trying to sprint on this treadmill. Does anyone have a step one to recommend? I coped and pasted this right from talkspace and made small edits, so if this needs clearing up I'm happy to do so.