1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I aromantic?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by NotKnowing, Jan 6, 2016.

  1. NotKnowing

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I do like to imagine being in a relationship and I technally like the idea, but whenever I'm close to one I feel really uncomfortable. I've also never been in love with anyone and I hate it when others are trying to be romantic towards me. (For example: saying I love you, saying they miss me (in a non-platonic way), want to be with me or in general talking about emotions connected to romance)
    When guys hug me or hold my hand I feel so awkward and whenever someone is emotional or romantic I never know what to say.
    Whenever things are getting serious I have a strong urge to end it and search for little flaws to have a reason.
    I don't know if this has to do with me being trans (don't like being the "girl" in the relationship) but I feel like it's more my opinion/feeling towards relationships in general.
    But then again I do like some love songs or romantic movies (I used to be obessed with Twilight. Yes, I know. I'm embarassed.) and I like the romances in them.. Idk if that had anything to do with it anyways.

    ps: Please don't comment things like "You are only 15, you have a lot of time to figure it all at." because to be honest that doesn't help me at all.
     
  2. questions4ever

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2015
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know all this stuff can get so complicated right? Before I answer can you tell me how you feel about girls?
     
  3. NotKnowing

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I always wanted to fit in so I never even thought about liking girls (okay yes I did, but I always pushed the thoughts away) and now that I know I'm a boy I only start considering it. Calling myself gay sounds kind of wrong. I think I might be bisexual.. I've never had a relationship with a girl. Kissed one though. Can't really remember if I liked it? I guess I did. I only did it pretending to either be the guy or for her to be the guy. (We had like a game, I know this sounds really weird)
    I like imagine being in a relationship with a girl but like I said I haven't tried it.. But I don't think it would I change my feelings about all of this romance stuff.
     
    #3 NotKnowing, Jan 6, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2016
  4. Yato Gami

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2015
    Messages:
    83
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I feel the exact same way. I kinda want to be in a relationship, I've never been though. I always make fun of relationships and romantic stuff and I can't stay serious when I hear my friends and their partners talking on their phones, telling each other "I love you" "Oh I love you too" "No I love you even more" "No I do!" and stuff like that. Also I feel very uncomfortable if people, like my friends or parents, just say they like me and I have to say it back. I feel so awkward telling someone I like them, even if I really do, I'm more that kind of person, who shows their friends that I like them, by teasing them.
    On the other hand, I don't have a big interest in sex, so I don't know what makes relationships actually appealing to me. And I know, I'd really like to be in a relationship. I just have an urge for a bonding (??idk if that's the right word, i mean emotional and mostly physical closeness, if that makes sense?). But even if I get to know someone new and we become friends, and at first I tell myself: "okay, let's see, if something more than friendship will develop", but then I don't want more than that anymore.
    Sorry, I don't have an answer for your question, I'm struggling with the same thing though.
     
  5. lilgoldfish

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2015
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm not super familiar with the term, but it's possible you could be lithromantic. Here's a link: Lithromantic - AVENwiki
    Hope this helped! :slight_smile:
     
  6. KaySee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2015
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That sounds like a possibility. You can like the idea of something, but not enjoying it in real life.
     
  7. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Litromanticism is, quite simply, a bullshit label for a mental health issue. It is under no circumstances a sexual orientation and absolutely NO ONE credible acknowledges it. People who have the symptoms they describe as lithromanticism likely have an attachment disorder and need therapy. AVEN is doing an enormous disservice to the world by validating various mental health issues as legitimate sexual orientations.

    Now... onto your actual situation: What you're describing is a very, very common issue that many if not most people (particularly people in your age range) experience. It's a combination of insecurities, shame (lack of feeling self-worth and therefore worthy of love and belonging), and in your case, may be complicated by unresolved issues related to being trans. It's simply an anxiety-related response that, as you become more comfortable with yourself, will start to fade away.

    If therapy is an option for you, it would be a great way to explore how you're feeling and start to work through the underlying issues. If not, simply talking about your issues in a safe space such as EC is a great way to start working through the self-worth issues.
     
  8. demi T

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2016
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    wow what an admin

    I totally agree that there's too many people who embrace a label and stunt their emotional growth by assuming they'll never change, but the fact is that mental health issues are only issue if they cause you a problem with your health, and in a world full of 7 billon people there's gonna be legitimate real actual aromantic people. and even lithe people: people who feel romantic love for others but have no real desire to be in a relationship with that person. and these people aren't unhealthy, no matter how rare that is.

    but anyway to answer your question the thing about being young as you are is that if you don't wanna deal with romantic relationships you can afford to focus your energy on things you do currently care about, and if later on it turns out you do like people romantically the internet is a wonderful way to catchup on anything you missed out on getting experience for. actually this is true about anyone regardless of age.

    I have had zero interest in sex or romance for most of my life and I've never been attracted to anyone and I'm perfectly happy this way. I've had a few good relationships that didn't last, and do want to be in one and day. I'm confident I'm mature enough to form a loving bind with another human soul of my choosing without needing to depend on emotional drive. maybe I'll change when I'm on hrt but I'm not worried either way.

    the thing about orientation is that somehow next to everyone is obsessed with finding a label but there's a label that fits you perfectly already. look yourself in the mirror and day "I am me I am wonderful I love me and I'll be the only person who's experienced the entirety of who I am and that's beautiful"

    now go out and discover who you are. if some day you meet someone wonderful that's beautiful. if you live your whole life and don't need no one but yourself that's beautiful. you are you and that's beautiful.
     
    #8 demi T, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016