I thought I knew, and now I'm not so sure

Okay so for some time now, I was pretty sure I was gay, or pretty close to it. However, I'm feeling quite a bit less confident in this and feel like I could be more bi than I thought, which is kinda annoying because I am already out as gay to a few of my friends and my sister.

I can't lie, there is pressure to be gay rather than bi in my situation for numerous reasons. The first being that my family doesn't get bi. They don't get it, to them it's a choice and if your bi, it's okay but it means you can stick to straight behavior and dating. To quote one of my aunts years ago off the record, she said she doesn't understand bi people and that it would be easier on their family and everyone for them to just pick a team. Another reason is that my best friend is female, she has had opened up before I was out that she had feelings for me. I don't feel that way about her and if I started another relationship with a different female, our friendship would probably end. I really really don't want to lose her as a friend but I can't help but to put myself in her shoes and realize how awkward it would be for both of us to be best friends when I am in a straight relationship, there would probably be some tension and it wouldn't be fair to her. Moreover, it would hurt her self confidence, even if she wouldn't admit it.

Now I feel like th past year, during my questioning phase, I have went through different phases of thinking and have split it into three different phases:
1) thinking I'm more bi, trying to convince myself that I am more gay, but often getting frustrated and realizing some straight thought/tendencies about myself
2) thinking I am gay and everything will be fine
3) over analyzing my friendship with my best friend, wondering if there is a possibility of a relationship there

Now that I have made this clear, these phases don't happen in any particular order and last for different amounts of time. I'm currently in that bi phase and think I have biphobia toward myself, if that's possible. The thing is that I do often find myself more easily attracted to males in everyday life but I don't necessarily think of sexual acts rights away, although sometimes I do, I more of just think about how attractive they are but definitely feel physically and sexually attracted to them. The emotional possibility is new and I think it's there but I'm not sure if it's just in my head cuz I have never had a long term relationship with male or female. I also was in the closet so I didn't think about the possibility of dating a male, just the sexual/physical attraction/response was there. I am also a virgin. I do find women pretty and sometimes I may get turned on a bit but it's a bit harder and I find that I am not as attracted to women in everyday life, however, if I think about celebrities or have very specific fantasies, I can eventually get turned on which is confusing me.

Before i started questioning and agreed that I would live in the closet, probably 90-95% of my fantasies and sexual thought were towards males cuz I didn't bother to think about females cuz at the time, it didn't seem interesting. However, questioning has encouraged me to think about them and I feel like now of all times, I see some attraction there, but it's hard toknowhow legit it is. Also, the vast majority of my dreams before questioning that were sexual were towards guys, at least the ones I can remember, however, ever since I started coming out, I have had more dreams about women which is frustrating yet I think I enjoyed them. It's like nature is trying to f**k with me.

It's hard to imagine being in a minority of people (the lgbtq community being only about 5% of the population) and being bi is even more rare then being gay. I say this because I am literally your average Joe, white male middle class family. However, I can't help, even if it's stupid, to realize that my finger digit ratio is straight male, I know it's not completely accurate, but how rare of a person I must be if I was gay or even bi and had a digit ratio that was telling me I'm a straight male. It seems far fetched. I should also mention that I have only come out to a handle full of people including my sister, but every single one of them was completely shocked and thrown off. Not even a little glimpse of the possibility crossed their mind I was gay, I would feel my sister would have had this thought. When I was coming out to my sister, I felt sick to my stomach, yes because of nerves, but also because I wasn't how sure how truthful I was being. It felt as though I was oversimplifying everything and I feel that...idk....it's complicated because if I go back on it, not only will it be weird but I could lose my best friend, not because of homophobia, but because I'm a terrible person and can't return feelings to her.

Like months ago, I would have said I was like 85-90% gay but I am losing touch of how to measure this anymore, how do I even know, like I feel like sometimes it's jut in my head or that I'm over simplifying it, over analyzing it, or not focusing on the right things. I don't feel completely Ni or gay or anything and tbh, I know this is not what this forum promotes, but I kinda need a label and I need one soon. Why you ask? Cuz I'm already out partially, no one will understand queer label, and my mom is going to flip if I don't start dating my best friend or another women and I need to either start dating a women or talk to her about my sexuality, it's one or the other, and we need to realize she's a middle aged women brought up in a catholic household lol, all these different labels won't make sense to her, just gay

So thank you,any Suggestions?

---------- Post added 6th Jan 2016 at 02:51 PM ----------

And I havehasstraight crushes inthepast, but I'm not sure how legit they were, this was like late middle school early high school, I haven't had any female crushes I can think of in colleges, and I can only recall one crush that I thought was legit