Bisexuals who are in a committed relationship: Do you ever fantasize or have sexual/romantic urges of being with the other gender? For example, if you're in a relationship with a guy, do you ever fantasize or get urges to be with a girl simultaneously. How do you handle this?
Yes. Bane of my life, and major struggle. For years it wasn't a problem to handle. Both my partner and I identify as bisexual, so for a long time, we felt like we just didn't need men. We'd bond over this concept that we had more than they could give. But as we've gotten older, we've both (each at our own pace) felt those urges with increasing insistence. I've "handled it" so far by continuing to talk with my partner. In theory neither of us is opposed to the idea of some kind of polyamorous relationship (though neither of us is comfortable with a completely open arrangement either). I've learned the lesson that says that if I'm ever on my own again, I must never again enter into a strictly monogamous arrangement...I am not built for it (although through my 20's and 30's I was quite certain that anybody who loved their partner enough and cared enough could maintain monogamy indefinitely...when you're so young, you have no clue how long "indefinitely" really is). But I've also recognized just how deep the monogamy training runs...as well as how pervasive it is throughout society.
Ironically, it was during my first (straight) relationship that I started having those urges and fantasies. I don't know... it's like everything else that couldn't be satisfied by a woman were suddenly made obvious and brought to the forefront? What I did was the honest thing: told them about it, took time to discover that part of myself, and eventually break up (other reasons played a part). Hard to say what a gay relationship would be like, since I've never had one, but I'd imagine it would be similar, minus having already explored the "other side".
Haha, yeah. It can get kind of rough sometimes. Honestly, I just kind of...push through it? I'm committed to my girlfriend, and I love her. It calms down after a while, so I never really worry about. I never stop being attracted to her, so it's not a big deal.
