Glad I didn’t come out the closet, but now more confused than ever

I’m a 21 year old male who’s always been slightly confused about his sexuality but am willing to accept what I find out about myself. As a young teenager (~12-13) I used to have crushes on females (especially teachers). For the remainder of my teens, I used to check out exclusively guys but stopped having crushes with any gender; so, I thought I was gay and almost came out.

Here’s where the spanner is thrown into the works: recently I’ve began to have crushes on females again while still checking out guys (ergo, I’m glad I didn’t come out as gay years ago). The problem: I’m now not sure if I’m bi or gay or something else altogether.


So, I went to the internet and read to look into what turns me on; after going deep into (pun intended) the world of pornography, I found:

• M with M – turned on by their bodies, but not by the actual intercourse (especially anal)
• M with F – aroused by the intercourse (kissing, PIV etc) and the male’s body, but indifferent to the female’s body. Also indifferent to cunnilingus and really turned off by anal intercourse
• F with F – nothing at all

I've always been put off by anything to do with the anus because I have to do rectal examinations and I always feel ill after doing one; hence find it a turn off in a sexual context as well (just in case anyone was thinking along the lines of an internalised homophobia)


Regarding real-life relationships, I’ve never had any/wanted to pursue any. Right now I don’t particularly desire to experiment with one night stuff if it can be avoided. For the same token, I don’t want to start a long-term thing at risk of hurting the other person (feeling lied to, being used etc).


From what i can understand, this is the position I'm in now with males and females :

• Kissing M: got nothing from this. not even a NYE kiss from a guy who I find somewhat attractive (also nothing from them touching my inner thigh)
• Kissing F: unknown
• Checking out M: get aroused
• Checking out F: can appreciate, but not aroused
• Intercourse in Porn M: anal - major turnoff
• Intercourse in Porn F: PIV - slight turn on. anal - turnoff
• Fantasies M: the more abundant, usually about appearance without intimacy
• Fantasies F: only crushes, with intimacy

Questions:

1. Am I bi or gay or something else?
2. Could the repulsion from anal intercourse be a be a barrier to relationships? (I'm new to the LGBT community, and I'm unsure how significant this would be)
3. Should I come out or experiment first? (I feel kind of wrong about using someone for my gain/potentially hurting them)
4. I'm worried that I'd be low on either romantic attraction or sexual attraction, so how should I approach relationships?
5. Any other advice/anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Thank you all for stopping by and for this wonderful safe haven