Hi, so I guess I'll start by saying my name's Kate. Anywho, I grew up believing I was straight until after middle school. I remember thinking that I was supposed to have crushes on boys when I was in elementary school and forcing myself to have a crush on this one guy even though I didn't really have any feelings towards him (this may sound weird because it was in elementary school but all of my friends would tell me that I should be liking guys and stuff). And in middle school I had a lot of crushes on guys but I never dated anyone. Now I'm in high school, still haven't dated anyone, and I'm starting to identify as bisexual. I used to be attracted to the very basic straight cis white guy look (such as Zac Efron, Liam Payne or Dylan O'brien) and as I find myself becoming more interested in females I'm losing almost all interest in males. As I said before, I've never been in a relationship so I don't know how it would be for me to date either a girl or guy. Anyway the catalyst to me realizing I might be attracted to females is this girl I met last year, Heather. From the beginning of knowing her I've been attracted to her in the sense that I want to be around her. And so we became friends until the semester ended and we weren't in the same classes, I still wanted to be around her so I would try to talk to her whenever I could but I guess it wasn't mutual because it was soon obvious that she didn't want to be around me. Back then I didn't realize that I could be attracted to her romantically but now it's a year later and I still like her. Heather is the sweetest, prettiest girl I know and I think it would help me sort out my feelings if I was around her but she doesn't like me, even as a friend. If I ever fantasize or picture myself in a relationship it's with a girl but I'm just terrified that it's a phase. A couple years ago I was "depressed" because I was influenced by all the sad posts and things about depression that I saw on social media. I'm really interested in lgbt stuff and I'm guess I'm just scared that my brain's making up this whole bisexual thing and all the feelings I have because I want to be special or something? It's really dumb. So yeah that's kind of where I'm at, having feelings for a girl but hoping they aren't fake. I know my friends would be totally comfortable and okay with me being lgbt but my parents believe that people can only be straight or gay.
Experiment first. It is likely that you could be bi but it's best to date members of both sexes before making a decision. At least in my opinion. Hope this helps
Hi Kate! Your situation doesn't sound like a "phase" in my opinion. Especially since you said you're so terrified of it being a phase and that you hope it's not fake. That indicates that you want it to be real, therefore it most likely is. There are a lot of girls who grow up unaware of being bisexual because of the fact they still find men attractive and since society tells us that's the normal thing they never tend to think on it anymore or explore the other side of things. (And vice versa, other genders who are different sexualities experience this too) Labels are just labels. If you have feelings for a girl then you have feelings for a girl and if you like the label bisexual then you have every right to identify as it There's also romantic orientations where people like the idea of relationships with a certain gender but not anything sexual. But whatever you feel fits you or would make you happy, go for it! We all experience sexuality in a different way but every single way is valid. If it makes you feel better to identify that way then yay! You can always change it if you work out something new in the future. Don't stress so much over it or overthink, you're just you at the end of the day. Good luck!
I get ya. I generally was attracted to typical masculine guys and was into their masclunine features and muscular bodies. I used to crush on boys very much based on their appearance but it never really had much to do with their personality. I never could pin down any male celebrtiy crushes... And I was sort of scared of lesbians until I was 16. In the summer of me turning 17 I started to recognise my female celebrity crushes as what they were, and became really interested in lgbt stuff. But it wasn't till I found myself drunkenly trying to make a pass at a new cute friend of mine in September that I came to EC and not until I realised my longing for the touch and smell of my bi-girl friend that I decided I must be bi. But since then, as you said, the more I open up to attraction to girls, the less I seem to even care about men. Somehow, I don't feel completely adverse to the idea of dating guys but... my feelings for girls just make me much more excited. Guys always gave me this sort of sexual response to their superficial looks, but girls... I actually feel the urge to touch them all over and I really care about their personality and how they're feeling... its more active. And now I feel like I can't get nearly as excited about "hot" guys as my friends. But I do somehow still think I have the capacity to like guys, and I don't know because, like you, I have no experience. Similarly I have thought that getting involved in lgbt stuff online has sort of convinced me that I like girls, buuuut generally, when I think that I just have to think about the fact that... it makes me feel super happy to allow myself to think about girls this way, so there's obviously something fundamentally right about it for me. So if you actually feel excited about the idea of dating girls, and crushing on girls makes you feel happy, I don't think you should worry about whether your being influenced - your label is about what makes you happy. And talking about labels... they are so difficult. I stick with bisexual right now because even though I don't feel like the typical bisexual at all, its a totally wobbly label - you can be 80% into girls and 20% into guys and thats fine and bi - and my attraction to guys does linger. I think its a good label to hold onto until you're more sure. Also get your thing about your parents... my mum is starting to ask me questions and i don't know how to answer because I know she doesn't believe in bisexuals, but I feel like it would be a lie to tell her I am totally gay and its obvious I'm not totally straight. I think we have to educate them a bit, I've been trying this, arguing against her bi-phobic comments with actual research. I can't tell you whether its gonna work though, because I'm still in the process barely a step ahead of you! And with Heather... does she genuinely not like you or are you just not close? Cos you can totally work on the second one, I did that with my crush and we're friends now. I just showed a lot of interest in the stuff she's interested in. Of course, its not always that simple, just trying to doll out some hope here lol Goodness I wrote you an essay, didn't i?
Oh my goodness thank you soooo much for replying! However, I really have no idea if I'm replying to you right or not. Anyway, I understand and fully relate to everything you said, except for the part about getting drunk and hitting on your friend, that I have never done. But everything about how your male attraction is changing and crushing on their appearance, how your feelings for girls are more exciting, and your mother's bi-phobic comments I totally get. All of my friends are either getting boyfriends or wanting them and I'm just over to the side daydreaming about what it would be like to have a girlfriend. Do any of your friends know about your feelings and about you identifying as bi? I think mine are starting to understand and realize that I'm probably not straight. How do you think your mother would react if you came out as bi? Do you think it would change her thoughts on bisexuals?
There may not be "phases" but sexuality is fluid and this varies for individuals. This makes it tough for bisexuals to identify. The lucky thing is you are young and can explore this before you get older.
I have not told any of my friends apart from my best friend very recently and he goes to a different school to me, so my regular friendship group has no idea. I mean if they observed the fact that I'm quietly into some queer-related stuff and am only into female celebrities including some obviously queer related ones like Laura Prepon and Kstew, and the fact that I don't really offer great opinion on their crushes or share any, and that I started wearing ties this week (mostly coz my female crush within the group told me they made me look suave lol) then they might get it. But they haven't shown this suspicion. Not that that means much with English people, they may be quietly pondering it when im not there I dunno. There is one bi girl in our group (aforementioned crush) I wonder if she sees it. Why do you think your friends are realising? And in terms of my mother. She generally thinks I'm wrong about everything and I can't be trusted to make proper decisions and I'm a bit mad. So I think she would find my revelation pretty hilarious and worrying at the same time and would probably use it to attack my moral character and would start monitoring me even more than shes started to since she's got suspicious recently. Since she has no respect for my opinion, she wouldn't see it as legitimate so therefore it would only confirm her opinion that bisexuals are stupid confused and weak teenage girls. The only way it would change her opinion is probably with a lot of time of me living my real self away from her. Then shed probably get that I wasn't messing around. If your parents actually care about your opinions youll be able to turn them around probably but my mum doesn't.
