Questions about porn and lesbian sexual attraction

Gay- Attracted to people of the same sex/gender identity

Aesthetic Appreciation- The ability to recognise someone or something as attractive without any form of sexual or romantic attachment

Romantic Attraction- The desire to be in a romantic relationship with a person. (Attraction to personality)

Sexual Attraction- The desire to have sexual interactions with a person.

The porn you watch cannot determine whether or not you feel romantic/sexual attraction to a person.
If you say 'I watch gay porn, but am not attracted to people of the same gender', you have answered your own question. If you are not attracted to people of the same gender, you are not gay.

 

1 - sometimes, a fantasy is just that - a fantasy
Like, I know a lot of people who look up some really kinky stuff they'd never actually want to try in their lives, and I think the same goes for people who look up gay porn or whatever. Sometimes, you're just curious. Plus, there's a difference between watching other people having sex, and the sex you want to have yourself. I've seen accounts where lesbians actually find themselves watching more gay porn because mainstream lesbian porn isn't doing anything for them. Not because they're into gay men so much as the sex they're watching doesn't seem so cartoonish and unreal to them.

Hell, I'm to a point where I have a hard time watching mainstream porn at all because it's so male centered, and, well... for the sake of disclosure, I'm a DMAB non-binary bisexual whose primarily attracted to women and feminine-leaning non-binary. So I find myself drawn to women on women, or feminine transgender, or, the more often case, pegging, where a woman is making love to a man using a strapon. None of these scenarios really fit the kind of sex I see myself having, and oftentimes, the less context i have for a scene, the better. Pictures, animated gifs, something where I don't have to know that this is some fetish kink BDSM deal and I can pretend that it's just a non-binary couple making love the way they both feel comfortable. Or I try to seek out more underground, LGTB+ friendly porn made for us, by us. That's not an easy thing to do when you're mostly trying to look up stuff for free online.

Not sure I'm helping with a real answer at this point, so I'll move on to the next question...

2 - Actually, studies suggest that women actually watch MORE porn than men. There's just a lot of silly social stigmas to it. Part of it based on the idea that you're watching people perform intimate sexual acts for your own gratification, and some people have this idea that doing so is wrong. Sometimes because of religion, sometimes based on other beliefs. But really, it's just all social stigma. Men are almost expected to watch porn because they're expected to be raging hormonal sex beasts that always want it. Meanwhile, we expect women to be pure and virginal and not want it, even creating this notion that a woman's entire self-worth is based on her virginity. This goes way back to the concept of virgin sacrifices and stuff like that. Read the books of Law in the Old Testament, it'll creep you out just how women were basically treated as property, and her value based on her virginity and the state of her vagina. It's weird.

3 - Again, some studies actually say that men and women seem to prefer lesbian porn to straight porn at about the same level. The reasons for it vary, but the conclusion seems to be a social construct that women are, essentially, more beautiful, and their sexuality is considered more... artistic or something, I guess. I know it's kind of how I see it, personally. Male sexuality seems almost exclusively about how big and jamming it into places and the women are all expected to just moan and scream and feel like their entire world is being changed by a penis. Whereas feminine sexuality is seemingly more complex and more interesting. That also depends on whose making it, because a lot of "lesbian" porn is between two straight women who treat being licked and fingered like taking dick, and, well... that's just weird.

4 -Again, sometimes a fantasy is just that.

The truth is, Science has seriously failed women when it comes to learning how women work. Studies about female sexuality and sexual health are few and far between, and as unfortunately documented in the public discourse, most folk don't seem to give the first single damn about women's health at all.

I'm not a doctor. Or a woman. I may be talking out of my ass on a lot of this. But I think you kind of need to trust your feelings and instincts more, and everything you're reading a lot less. You know better than any study what you want, what turns you on, and what gets you off. If you need to explore, explore. No amount of sex or lack thereof should determine your self worth. Wanting sex, thinking about sex, masturbating, watching people having sex - these are not bad things and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you love a woman and want to be with her, don't let society or religion or whatever else tell you that it's wrong. You are who you are and love is one of the greatest things we as humans ever get to be a part of.

You're okay. Really. You may be overthinking this, and that's okay. Thinking's a good thing, sometimes. But you're okay, what you're feeling is normal, and there's nothing shameful about any of this.