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Am I more than just curious??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tik29, Jan 15, 2016.

  1. Tik29

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Newyork
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I know that I like women a lot. wats been troubling me is guys. Aside from watching gay porn I also have actually gone on dating sites many times and to talked to alot of guys, some of those convos even got serrious, plus I almost met a few but I get to nervous about it. I've been told that I'm just curious (because of watching gay porn) but does the fact that I'm talking and. Flirting with guys online mean something more and I just don't see it?
     
  2. AKTodd

    Full Member

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    I'd say there's curious and then there's curious.

    Porn, in and of itself, isn't really a good indicator since it's expressly designed to be titillating.

    Are you getting on these dating sites and interacting with guys because you think you might actually want to try making out/sex/a relationship with a guy? Or just because it's 'naughty' and something to do?

    Or are you really not sure yourself?

    Some things you might try to maybe give you some clarity on the matter:

    1) Rather than using porn, try masturbating just to fantasy - just using your imagination and not replaying porn scenes in your head, but imagining yourself being sexual and involved in the proceedings. Relax and allow your mind to go wherever it wants with no limits based on what you 'should' be thinking about. Where does your mind go? Do you find yourself fantasizing about doing stuff with a man or a woman? Or does it vary depending on your mood or whatever?

    2) Try masturbating just to fantasy as above (no porn), but this time specifically fantasize about doing stuff with a guy/guys (whatever you prefer). Another time, fantasize specifically about doing stuff with a woman/women. Now compare - which fantasies did you find most exciting/pleasurable?

    3) Go out into the world to a place where you can watch a lot of people. Allow yourself to check out whomever your mind and body want you to, with no expectations and no judgement of what you 'should' be doing. Do your eyes tend to go more to guys or to women?

    4) Same as (3) but this time explicitly allow yourself to check out guys - later allow yourself to explicitly check out women. Which activity do you find yourself enjoying more or find more exciting/arousing?

    Hopefully, doing some or all of the above will give you some insight into what you like. Remember, the goal is to not worry about or limit yourself based on what society/your family/whatever may say you 'should' be into. But what you find yourself really into.

    On a final note - In the course of doing the above, you may find that some specific activities appeal to you, while others don't. That's perfectly normal and not all people of whatever orientation all like the same things. It's your fantasy - so let it go where it feels best for you, not where you 'should' be going with it because porn shows things that way.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd