So at this point in my life I've come to finally accept my attraction towards men. But, I've only had girlfriends, and my last ex who I was with I loved VERRY much.. But since I had issues we couldn't keep the relationship going, it was hard because she had a son and I was a stepdad...I loved him very much too. But before all that life changing stuff I worked a job in a small community where they're pretty ignorant about gays and bi people, so when it occurred to me in my early 20's that I was attracted to men I thought that's not the way I'm supposed to be. Growing up I've always liked girls and always wanted a girlfriend but I couldn't since I was so shy and quiet. Eventually I got a gf at 18-19, lost my virginty and it was great, later on I got about 2 more gf's until my last ex who I just loved. I was single for a few years after i found out I was attracted to guys until I got to a point where I pushed those feelings away. When I got together with my last gf I Fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. Everything was awesome, we liked the same things (video games), loved each others humour, she was the first person who truly made me feel love. But eventually I would become very insecure and jealous until it ruined the relationship... It was really hard for me, but while I was with her she taught me to love myself, something I didn't put much thought into (i had a lot of hate in me from my upbringing) Oh ya she told me she was bi too, which I just couldn't understand at the time since I was so close minded. Then that got me thinking "I guess I must be bi?!" I was very attracted to my ex and loved the sex, but always felt a pull towards men. So eventually I just started to accept that, after I accepted that I've been able to make positive life choices that I've never made otherwise and started feeling happier. Now I'm really starting to love myself. But I still have time where I think back to my ex and it hurts. So after explaining all that my question is, am I gay or bisexual?? Previously I thought since I was attracted to men that automatically meant I was gay, because when I was young my uncle(who i never talk to) had a family and everything and after having 2 kids left because he was gay. And I guess that always stuck with me. So after I realized I was attracted to men Id just have to be in denial like him. And idk If that will happen to me too, like one day I'll just be like him and realize that I actually am gay. So basically I originally wanted to have a family, that's why I buried those feeling, but now I'm choosing to accept it as apart of me. As far as having a family like I originally planned? It's a possibility but I'm not going to make that my main goal like before, my life is about me at this moment. I just don't know if I'm bi or gay?? And how do I know where my life is going to go because of that? I'm currently back in school in hopes of getting the job I want though. Which is just one of the many poetic choices I made after my breakup As an example; earlier today I was just staring at Zero suit Samus on Smash bros wii u. I know it's a game lmao. But damn her body looks so hot lol and some guys I'll just think "he looks attractive/cute" and I find lots of girls at my school very attractive, and guys. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Hi Daniel. Welcome to EC. Many of the things you've shared point to bisexuality. It would also seem you're in a place to be able to pursue a relationship with a man, or at least be open to that. None of us know how life is going to go; being bisexual at this point in your life, young and single, means you are able to look at both men and women and ask yourself, "Why not?" And, being gay would only change that to limiting the field to men. Thankfully, we live in a time where both potential futures could involve having a family. You've also shared that you might struggle with internalized homophobia, which I've struggled with too. It makes it difficult to think clearly. You've come to a great place to unpack some of your thoughts and feelings. Maybe that's a place to start?
Thanks for the reply! Yeah for awhile I just assumed i was gay like my uncle, but just the way I was with my gf and what I thought contradicted that. When I was with my ex I confessed a lot of things to her, told her I was sexually abused as a child and that I was basically confused about my sexuality at one point. Of course she said she knew I wasn't gay, since I was so sexually active with her. At the moment I live with my mom(who has a bad view on gay people), so if I did pursue a relationship with a man it wouldn't be until I move out on my own. Idk, I really have no idea what my future holds , I know honesty is important in a relationship, so I just be truthful about who I am.
Being truthful is a great start... and a great way to ensure there's a future in any relationship, too. You've shared that your relationship with your ex was loving, and you have experienced desire for women, and that you've felt a strong attraction to men. You also mentioned that you didn't really know attraction to both men and women was possible, and that the discovery of bisexuality *as an identity at all* was a bit of a surprise. I think it's great you're no longer making assumptions about your sexuality, and that you're feeling free to open up, question thoughts like "that's not the way I'm supposed to be" and "I pushed those feelings away", and claim your true self more than you could before. Only you can really know whether you're gay or bisexual. Best wishes to you on this path.
