When I was 17 I fell in love with a girl for the first time. Now I'm 28 and throughout the years I started identifying myself more and more as a lesbian. At first I said I was bi, and even had a relationship for 2 years with a boy. But I was not happy in that relationship, and when we broke up I figured that I had liked girls much more all the time. I started identifying myself as a lesbian and in the years after that I came out to all my family, friends and actually to everyone. I'm now out and proud and dating to find a serious relationship, but the next happened: I fell in love with a man. He likes me to, and we started dating. I feel really awkward and confused. And I'm worried what people may think when I reversely come out again. Will they still take me serious? Has anyone experienced this before?
Hey, Esther! Your case intrigues me because it's so much like mine! I Identify as a lesbian and always have but the same thing happened to me and I've been in a serious relationship with someone of the opposite sex for the past 4 years. Everyone just suggested that I was bi but I don't feel like that applies to me. Now, I constantly have to explain people that, even though I have a boyfriend, I still identify as a lesbian and he has really been the only exception to the rule in all the time I'm alive. It's tiring and people make assumptions. Anyway, you need to figure out what you really feel and what you identify with. Maybe you don't need to reversely come out, I didn't and I know it was the right thing to do, even if it gets complicated and some people will never get it. But if you do need to let the people you've come out to know that you no longer identify as a lesbian but instead prefer not to be labeled or have discovered something different about your sexuality, I encourage you to do so. Whether these people take you seriously or not depends a lot on them and the only thing you can do is to be patient with it because you know some people need that time. I hope everything works out for you. It worked out for me but it was bad at first so I can imagine how you must be feeling. I just never knew there was somebody else in that situation. Please feel free to talk to me anytime you want and/or need! ^^
So there's a spectrum, right? Very few people fall 100% on either end - it's more of a bell curve. Just over a year ago, my ex came out as gay - after we had been married for 18 years. That really hurt, because what was I, then? And then I thought more about the fact that sexuality truly is a spectrum and realized that while he may be gay, that doesn't mean he could never be attracted to and involved with a woman. It's an anomaly, but anomalies happen. Maybe that's what's going on with you - you're a lesbian, but this one person hits that - not quite 100% trigger for you. And that's fine. I think you'll be great, as long as you both know where you stand. Keep up honest communication, appreciate what you get from the relationship - from the person, and enjoy it. I'm learning that life is too short to live in misery and fear - I hope the same for you.
Thanks for your comments. It's good to read that I'm not the only one with this feelings! Maybe I was indeed not 100% gay, but just 80% or 90%. But society is asking for labels, so you hold on to the one that fits best. I don't know, I'm gonna have to think this through. We like each other, but it's not yet a relationship really. It just confused me very much. Good to read you indeed have a relationship with that man now, Animefreek. There are a lot of questions in my head now, but I guess this takes time, and I have to see where our 'relationship' is going. It's very exciting I can say.
