anyone else like this Romantically I am very much into women but sexually I can only see myself with a guy.
This is a very common part of the early stage of coming to self-acceptance. (There's no credible evidence for any separation between romantic and sexual orientation *except* as a "bridge" identity that people use when coming to terms with themselves.) As we process the idea we might not be straight, there are stages in working through the loss of perception as straight: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Bargaining often looks like "Well, I like guys, but I also like girls, so I could still end up with a girl" or "Well, I like sex with guys, but I like hanging out with girls." For the latter... the truth is, there are many, many gay men that love the company of women but would never dream of sex with them. These deep, meaningful relationships with women are called.... friendships. Will and Grace... Kurt and his gaggle of girls on Glee... there are lots of examples of this both in the media and in real life, because they are pretty accurate descriptions. So my guess is that this is most likely part of your process of coming to terms with who you are. There's no rush to make this determination... just take your time and it will become clearer.
I believe you're under the impression that I am gay and on the path to coming out or whatever but trust me I am not. I have very intense crushed on girls but I can honestly tell you I have no desire to have sex with them. Likewise I spend my days daydreaming about sex with a guy but there are rarely romantic connections with them. Trust me I've been on this site for a long time, ive been all the way through self-acceptance and back again. No need to worry ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2016 at 11:59 PM ---------- It's been a bit and I'd like to say that the above post was just my gut reaction to what you said. I went to bed and thought about it. It just hit me like a meteor or something, it all makes sense now. I am gay. Thank you sir as I finally feel relief.
Wow. This shocked me a little lol. But in a good way. I feel like I'm torn too. Except that I don't feel like I'm fighting being gay or anything. Hell.. I'd welcome it in many ways. I mean telling my family wouldn't be very fun.. but I think it would bring me piece of mind.
You know... I think a lot of people have that experience. When I read your first "gut response", *my* first response was "Oh, that's probably the reality crashing into the denial." I don't mean that arrogantly, just... I've seen it so many times that it's a common pattern that's pretty easy to spot. The people who genuinely feel like a comment misses the mark usually aren't as vehement in their responses, because it doesn't trigger any unconscious feelings in them. It's really hard to explain just how pervasive and complete the denial process can be. In retrospect, I can look at experiences, thoughts, and so forth I had as a teenager that, had I been looking with objective eyes, would absolutely have made it clear that I was gay. But... for me, the thought never even entered my mind. In any case, if this has helped you along the process... that's awesome to know. It's why EC is here
Especially in the beginning of me figuring out my sexuality, I felt like I was attracted to women sexually and could not see myself in a sexual relationship with a guy but wasn't sure about my romantic orientation. I had had crushes on guys and sometimes I still recognize these feelings towards someone not-female. I've named them "little boy-crushes" or "little friend-crushes" because I believe that in the end, I actually just really want to be their friend and I like look up to them or something (and honestly, I'm afraid that I have an obsession with having friends who identify as boys ) Good that you figured it out! I don't think my post is gonna help or change anything but I still wanted to share my experience.
I've had phases in which I thought I can see myself only with woman romantically, also I felt like I'd be happier with a girl coz its more fun to be with them than guys! While I was brooding over these thoughts I met the concept of internalization! So this is how it works, from a very tender age , being in a heteronormative world we see how it's always been a guy romancing a woman! This is so strong that our tender minds just imbibe them n it sticks on to our heads, later as we grow up to discover our sexuality there is some tension between these internalized thoughts and your sexuality! Which makes you feel like there is a split ! I belong to an Orthodox society and this was pretty strong for me! So much that I could see myself and also enjoy the thought of being with a guy as a girl (coz guys always romance girls according to internalized thoughts) but it was hard to picturize the same romance with a guy as a guy! The good news is , its possible to overcome these internalized thoughts and to conform completely to your sexuality! Also like chip said , even if you are not consciously in denial, there is a subconscious denial which happens because of the said internalization by which being gay is bad , shameful and not normal! These are the scars the society gave us, let's heal them
