I've never given much thought to my sexuality because, in all honesty, it's never been relevant. I've had crushes and become (very vaguely) sexually attracted to other guys from time to time, but I have been struggling with other issues, such as mental illness, for years now and since my sex drive is below minimum, these other issues have always taken precedence. I honestly don't know if I am asexual or just so wrapped up in my depression that I don't pay attention to other people, or I don't have any hope to know someone who will be interested in being close enough to this mess of a person I usually am and so I subconsciously shut off any possible attraction I could feel. I can't tell the difference between any natural sex drive I might have and the effect my meds and my illness have on me. I do know I am very closed off emotionally and have trouble with intimacy, which I'm sure factors into all this somehow. For this reasons, among others, I've always been hesitant to label myself as gay, since it's so hard for me to meet and get close to new people any kind of romantic relationship is out of the question. It's simply not relevant. The truth is I sometimes wonder if I should pay more attention to these aspects of my identity, but I'm not sure whether it should be a priority. I don't know, I guess what I really need is an outsider's perspective and thoughts about all this.
