I'm Greysexual. I want to be Asexual and stick to being romantic, but...I can't banish sexual thoughts. They please me for the moment, having sexual thoughts that suggest my orientation, but it's like they're uncontrollable...I would never actually commit sexual acts, in the way that I'm possibly homosexual, but it just runs through my head, as if I can't get rid of them. What do I do? Is there any way for me to reclassify myself as simply an asexual without worrying about having actual sexual thoughts? :icon_sad:
I don't think you really get the whole concept of asexuality. Asexuality means complete or almost complete lack of sexual desires that is not caused by some underlying condition or illness. If you have sexual urges and feelings then you are not an asexual. If you still don't have sex then it's called "celibacy". Why do you feel sexuality is bad?
Trying to control your thoughts is a pointless pursuit. In fact, the more you try not to think about something, the more likely you are to think about. For example: Whatever you do, do NOT think about a red car. I’ll bet the image of a red car just flashed into you head. How’s that for a paradox? Thoughts aren’t facts – they’re just thoughts. They might mean something, and they might not. The brain a muscle that likes to think – so it thinks. Get this: most researchers agree that the average person experiences over 50,000 thoughts per day. 50,000 thoughts! Most of the stuff the brain thinks about is nonsense. In fact, most of it is irrational and comical. You can’t control your thoughts. A better tactic would be to work on your feelings. Feelings create thoughts. One feeling can spawn thousands of thoughts. So ask yourself: “What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? What does this feeling imply? What thoughts am I having that are connected to this feeling?” Want to kill certain unwanted thoughts? Then stop focusing on them and start focusing on the feeling that underlies them.
Look kid, I dealt with what you're dealing with for ten years. It's a whole lot better to just jerk those thoughts off and settle down than it is to try and suppress them. Trust me, I have extensive experience in the fine art of self punishment and it's not something you wanna go through so just let the thoughts pass over you. Ask anyone here: If BENWAY is telling you this, it probably means something. Don't believe me? Go look at some of the threads I made a few months back. I feel awful about putting myself through all that unnecessary bull, but you're only human, hun.
I kinda feel stupid now, so thanks for all that. :/ I don't mean it's "bad", just...not for me, I guess?
Been there, done that. The "just...not for me" thing, I mean. Trust me, just let the thoughts pass over you and you're gonna roll through this a whole lot smoother than I ever could. It's just something that can't be helped and at your age it's not something to worry about. Please, please just take my word on this. As soon as you said "just not for me" and that it's not a bad thing I knew exactly what you're going through.
I'm sorry to double-post, but I'm feel very sympathetic to OP's plight. I know. I lived it for ten years. Not from the age of 13 but from 18 to 28 I was a wreck of a human being internally-- sexuality wise, I mean. I think it's really important that you not concern yourself with these "unwanted sexual thoughts," just let them pass over you, or do whatever you do normally while letting them run their course. You're 13, you've barely begun to develop as a human being let alone a teenager. I won't lie to you. The years that are ahead of you are going to be rough, puberty, growing pains, acne or whatever-- but you're only going to make it rougher on yourself, especially in an age of technological prowess like this if you try and combat your own, internal nature. I went through it for a decade and I'm going to be in recovery for a long time to come but I wouldn't wish the punishment I inflicted on myself on my worst enemy. Please, I'm begging you, just let nature run it's course and don't concern yourself with analyzing or trying to suppress sexual thoughts in a self-described nonbinary age like this-- you'll drive yourself crazy like I did for so long. I know I sound melodramatic, maybe a bit like Marley's ghost, but I mean what I'm saying and it tears me apart to know that there is another human being entering the arena I just exited. Please, for your own sake, just enjoy your teenage years; build a snowman, swim in a creek, walk along the railroad tracks and break empty beer bottles in the quarry where the older kids go to party-- just don't concern yourself with trying to rid yourself of sexual thoughts, unwanted or desired in secret, just let them pass over you.
