Realizing/Accepting your sexuality

I guy hit on me in the showers in a locker room after martial arts practice in college. Took him probably a couple of weeks of becoming ever more blatant before I figured out what he was doing and...took him up on the offer. Messed around with him maybe 3x or so before calling a halt to it - not because the idea of sex with a guy was bothering me, but more the idea of being intimate with anyone (which was very much something I felt I was above at that point in my life). All this was somewhat on impulse and I never really thought about it all that much.

Went on with my life for about a year, although messed around with this guy maybe a couple more times along the way. As before, it just kind of happened, in that I didn't plan it, but neither did I resist it - and I probably put myself in the situation where something could happen, at least sometimes.

One day, I found a number on a bathroom wall with a message along the lines of 'for a good time call'. So I did. Had a good time and ended up hooking up with the guy twice over the space of a few weeks.

After the second time, while this guy was driving me home, I started thinking about what I'd done before with the first guy, and what I'd just got done doing with this guy. The first guy had just sort of happened (at least at first or to some degree). The second guy - I had actively written down his number, dialed the number, arranged to meet him, and gone back to his place for sex. Twice. And in my entire life, I'd never once felt any attraction to a female.

Looking at the evidence, I concluded that I was gay and that I could either accept that fact and move forward, or I could spend some amount of time playing mind games with myself about how I was just 'experimenting' or the like. And I am not a fan of mind games. So, I just accepted it and that was that.

Whole process took place during the maybe 30 minutes it took for the guy to drive me home. Less actually. He was the first person I came out to since I told him what I'd concluded then and there.

After that, my next concern was dinner, since I was quite hungry. Took care of that issue as soon as I got home. And the rest is history.

Todd

 

I mean, the very moment was when I cried while listening to Cool for the Summer which is totallly not a song to be crying to and generally makes me really happy. The set up for this situation was me getting drunk for the first time and making a little pass at a new close friend at a party. And the prelude to that was a huge interest and affinity with the LGBT community that was sparked by obsession with crappy lesbian erotica on wattpad that I thought ought to be explored.

Then I joined EC. It did take me a little while to label myself but when i did I super happy about being free from everyone's expectations (don't have to comply to being a straight girl, or worry about how to be a lesbian). It's only since New Years when my mother has started getting on my case with her suspicions that I have those moments of crawling back into my "straight" shell and felt actually wrong for how I feel but generally I've accepted it.