for the longest time ive just ignored my sexuality. told myself labels are stupid, and all of it is too confusing and i shouldnt bother worrying. i have a girlfriend right now, and no doubt about it i love her with all of my heart. ive never met anyone like her, let alone had a relationship like this one, but she makes me so happy and im lucky to have her. but things have been sorta escalating in a sorta.. sexual way... and im starting to get uncomfortable. a couple of years ago i thought i was asexual, but then i started jerking off and boy did i throw that idea out the window. since then ive just ignored it. but now, as things get heated with my girlfriend, i dont know what to do. i dont think ive ever necessarily felt sexual attraction. yeah, i think my gf is pretty hot, but i would never have said that about anyone else. but i feel like i only jerk off because it feels good, and i get bored. not because im attracted to anyone. not even fantasies. then at the same time i have quite a bit of bottom dysphoria. which depending on my mood i can generally shake off but when im with her and i can see whats going on it makes me want to stop everything and hide myself, i feel so shameful and upset. and she told me she wants to go farther once we have some alone time, and i dont know how to go about telling her that im kind of uncomfortable with the idea. im hoping getting my first packer (it should be coming monday or tuesday) will help, but it wont solve anything about me questioning my sexuality. i dont know what to do. i dont like labels, but at the same time i feel like giving my problem a name will ease the pain a little bit. does anyone have any suggestions or anything that could help me?
