Okay so I thought I was pan-romantic homosexual and now I'm not sure. I'm going to start at the beginning so you get the full picture, I'm sorry if this is a bit long. I remember liking boys as early as preschool. I had boys who were friends, and I told them I liked them and asked them to kiss me. Then I remember in first grade, I asked my mom if my girl animal could marry another girl animal. She said that was perfectly fine. The next day, I told my friend (lets call her Jenny), that I wanted to marry her. She laughed and said yes. In third grade, I remember getting butterflies in my stomach when I saw a girl. I wanted her to sit next to me because she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. In fourth grade, I watched a girl who was on my softball team from across the hallway and wished she would talk to me. Later that year, I chased a boy around the playground until he kissed my cheek. I assumed I was straight till I was 12, because I didn't know anything else. But then I started feeling different around some of my friends, and I started to notice how pretty they were. I didn't think about boys as much anymore, instead I had crushes on girls. When I joined tumblr, I learned about sexualities and realized I was bi. I hid this for a while, until about a year later when my depression got really bad and I told my friend. I got a boyfriend later that year, and this is where it gets confusing. This boy was attractive, I knew that. We had a lot in common, and he smelled good. At first I was excited we were dating, but then I actually started to dread him kissing me. I don't know why. While we were dating, I still had a massive crush on another girl. Long story short, we stopped talking and then he broke up with me. It's been a year, and I haven't had a crush on a boy since him. I've liked girls, and I've also liked people who are non-bianary. Do you think I actually am attracted to guys, or is it in my head? Thanks if you read this, please help with your opinions! Notes: hetero sex is gross to me. i AM attracted to male celebrities sometimes? maybe? idk young leonardo dicaprio does something for me.
I'm in a similar situation so I understand this a lot. A few questions to ask yourself - if hetero sex is gross, what about lesbian sex, both forms of it? What form does your attraction to male celebs take? Strong repulsion of hetero sex, combined with strong sexual feelings for girls, would tend to indicate homosexuality. Combined with strong romantic feelings aimed mostly at girls, that points toward a lean towards girls only in general - homoromantic, not panromantic. It's possible to be homoromantic and mostly like girls, yet also have light crushes on guys, particularly feminine looking guys - I find some very feminine male celebs to be attractive, in more than just a "I know a straight girl would say he's attractive" kind of way. On the other hand, it's only their faces I'm truly attracted to - their bodies still fail to interest me. In a way, that's just a projection of my innate orientation towards girls. Ultimately, I'd only want to have a serious relationship with a girl, regardless of how I see feminine guys. To me, it seems you might be either exclusively homoromantic and homosexual or homoflexible, though keep in mind that sexuality is fluid. It might be possible to feel strong affection for a guy, even bordering on romantic feelings - I'm close to many of my guy friends - but if you tried doing strictly romantic/sexual stuff with you and a guy you like, such as kissing, romantic cuddling, even sex or whatever, and can't see anything appealing about it, it's a good bet you're pretty gay. ouo
