Ok, so i have been questioning since maybe 8 months ago... And i had period in that time where I am confident that I'm straight, and I have has times where I was extremely confused (like right now.) So my entire life I always had crushes on boys and it always felt natural, and never understood same sex attraction. I did have a couple of experiences when I was maybe 8 years old, where me and my friends would experiment... but at the same time always had crushes on boys. So about 8 months ago I came across porn on instagram and got turned on from it (it was girl on girl) so after that I began watching it, and I liked it. Then I started feeling weird about watching it... So I tried doing straight porn and it made me even more turned on. But I would still think about the lesbian porn. It scared me, because I started having gay (lesbian) thoughts and dreams. I never had a proper crush on a girl before, but sometimes I feel weird attractions to them. Most guys my age are very immature and inconsiderate, which leads me to feel very uncomfortable around them. I have never dated anyone before, and don't really have the chance to right now because I am online schooled. I want to date a guy but I don't want to have my confused feelings in the relationship. But at the same time I don't feel attracted to guys at all. Recently my best friend started dating a female, and she said she never knew she was BI until she met this girl. She also said that its probably a phase and that she's just testing it out. I support her and everything, but it makes me feel super scared that I have been struggling for 8 months and still can't understand myself. I know that I have to wait things out and see what happens, but I can't take away the burden I have over myself. And I have moments were I really like boys but the fear of liking girls comes in and ruins it. Its a non stop cycle... I cant confide in my best friend because I feel wrong saying I like girls... but i do... but i don't. I feel like I'm lying to myself if i say I'm straight, but I feel like I'm lying if i say I'm BI, because i don't think i would date a girl. I probably shouldn't think about putting a label on things, but I'm sick of feeling confused. Im sorry if this was really long, but I just needed to tell someone... Thank you for listening. <3
Okay, so you're basically going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. That's normal so my best advice for you right now would be to first accept you're questioning and accept that it's okay you don't know right now, and be open-minded as best as possible. If you close your mind off to possibilities because you're scared, it'll likely make it harder to figure this out. I've gone through some of what you're feeling. While I was questioning my own sexuality, I did want a relationship as well, but was worried it wasn't something I actually liked. I should point out that because you were turned on by lesbian porn doesn't mean you could be lesbian (or even bi). Plenty of straight women are turned on by lesbian porn. Additionally, it could also be a fantasy or just biromanticism. And same-sex attraction or the possibility of doesn't always equal your sexuality. I can honestly say the best thing I did was research the LGBT community a lot to find things I related to. This included watching videos/movies, reading books and articles, studying LGBT+ terms and definitions. Also, I wouldn't advise pushing yourself to experiment if you really are concerned because it could put a lot of mental and emotional strain on you, and sometimes waiting it out is the best option. You might just be open about having a relationship with a guy or a girl, but you're just waiting for the right person as your friend did. Sorry. This probably didn't help at all. But maybe you should try talking to your friend. She likely might be able to help you. If you tell her you're confused and questioning, she should understand, and her partner could also help you as well. I will tell you it took me several years to figure out my sexuality, but because I have had no experience with anyone myself, it did make it harder because I had no basis, although I did have attractions to both men and women, though I had more crushes on boys at first. Although I think I may have just been ignoring my being attracted to females since it was so confusing and I hated not being able to understand my own thoughts. Good luck.
I agree with H20, you should talk to your friend about how you are feeling. I am in the questioning stage at the moment and I have been for 7 months now. Only last week did I pluck up the courage and tell a friend about what I was feeling (she is bi). She gave me lots of great advice and honestly it made me feel so much better. Talking to someone about it will help (or it did for me) because I was keeping it all to myself and it was driving me mad. Your friend should understand what you are feeling, just like my friend does that is why I went to her specifically. I hope you figure it out
