I might be gay? Help? Please?

First piece of advice: it's probably not going to come to you right away. Some people just know, some people take years questioning their sexuality (something I had to endure and it's not always easy).

Second piece of advice: anxiety is the devil. If you're nervous to do something like holding hands or kissing, it can freak you out. How I dealt with this was just writing my thoughts down daily, even if it made no sense at all. Remember that anxiety can affect you physically, so you should find the best way to personally deal with your nerves and that should make you clearheaded on this (at least more than you already are).

Third piece of advice: educate yourself on sexuality. There is so much more to attraction than people think. You have romantic orientations and sexual orientations. For example, a biromantic gay individual could have a relationship with both genders, but may only wish to engage in sexual activity with the same-sex, but dating/flirting is okay with the opposite sex. You could be biromantic (whether heterosexual or homosexual is something only you can decide since its YOUR feelings).

Here's a list of LGBTQ+ Terms. This could be more informative.

Fourth: asexuality. You may not be sexually attracted to anyone! Which means you don't want to engage in physical intimacy, but at the same time, just because you're asexual doesn't mean you can't have relationships. You can be spiritually or emotionally attracted to someone, which can be straight attraction or gay or both.

Fifth: LGBT club might not be as confident as you think they are. Everyone has their journeys, personal issues, insecurities, and doubts. I personally identify as pansexual (meaning I'm basically bisexual, but also attracted to transgender and non-binary folks as well). Most of the time I'm confident in my sexuality, but there are days I still question if I'm straight or not, whether I'm asexual but biromantic. But if you're uncomfortable going to the club, you have support sites like Empty Closets or you can go to Youtube and try watching videos to see if you relate anyone.

Sixth: sexuality is fluid. You can identify as one thing today, another tomorrow, and change back. Some people don't think like this because they've never experienced it, but there are people who's sexuality can change or they were just experimenting or curious previously and no longer want to be with one gender.

Seventh: take your time. Don't let anyone pressure you into thinking you have to be experienced or that you have to know by 19 or 30. You don't have to. Like I mentioned earlier, some people take time, some people just know. That's okay. And you don't need any experience to know who you are or aren't (I have none at all and I still know now). If you don't want to experiment, you don't have to. How I figured out my sexuality was I worked through my anxiety and tried picturing myself in a relationship. I often asked myself: Would I like being with a guy or girl? Both? Do I think women or men are more attractive? Can I see myself hooking up with a male or female if ever?

I hope this helps. If not, there is so much information out there that I'm not even knowledgeable of, but I wish you the best of luck.

 

Don't worry. You aren't being offensive, just curious and trying to understand, which is way better than making baseless assumptions. I myself don't understand everything either quite yet, but I'll see what else I can clear up for you.

There are some terms within the LGBT community that can be offensive to some people, but others are fine with it. I still hesitate to use some terms because they're foreign to me and I feel like they're unmentionable words, but I also haven't been part of the community that long. Butch though is actually used often to describe a lesbian that is very masculine in appearance and I haven't found that anyone really gets offended by it unless there's other circumstances that make someone dislike it, but a lot of lesbians use the term themselves. I'm not sure about dyke, but to me it always seems like it's used derogatorily but that's my personal opinion. As for queer, I don't find a lot of people are offended by this. It used to be a derogatory slur used by homophobic heterosexuals and I think some straight people still use it because they do think it's offensive, but it seems the community as embraced it and a lot of people use this to describe themselves instead of saying the exact term of their sexuality as some people just don't like labels; plus you also have genderqueer people (like me as I use this sometimes).

Which brings me to the gender identity group. Most transgender, non-binary, and nonconforming folk typically get offended if you use the wrong pronouns even after they correct you, but if you apologize and call them as they prefer, they usually don't mind. If you're uncertain of someone's gender or preferred pronouns, many rather you just ask them and don't get offended when you do.

The reason why there's so many pronouns is because there's more than two gender identities. Men and most trans men prefer he/him naturally; women and most trans women prefer she/her; some genderfluid people switch between she/her and he/him depending on how they feel that day or week, and others wished to be called they/them instead. The pronouns they and them can also be used for agender, genderless, or other gender variant individuals. Sometimes non-binary folk just make up their own because it feels like them. Every person is different. But I don't know about the drag kings and queens. As for cross-dressers, I think they prefer the pronouns that match their biological sex, they just don't been society's expectations on gender roles and norms, but I'm not sure.

Like all sexualities, asexuality has a spectrum. You have some who experience no sexual attraction at all and those who do occasionally, or if they find someone they connect with intensely. Asexuality basically has to do with having no or very little desire to engage in any sexual activity. Aromantics are similar in a way in that they experience little or no interest in forming romantic relationships opposed to sexual attraction. Whether you're asexual or aromantic, or both, I don't see why they wouldn't want affectionate touching (they just don't want romantic or sexual intimacy or rarely do). Nonetheless there are some people who just don't like being touched at all really. It depends on each person.

As for demisexuals: they have to build a strong spiritual or emotional connection with another individual BEFORE they get any sexual attraction from my understanding, but again, I don't know everything and everything varies person to person. But I'm guessing a demisexual doesn't necessarily have to date someone to form a romantic attraction. They could be friends with another person and the attraction just builds with trust, but for someone who is openly looking for a relationship I'd say it's not that they don't want a partner they just have become emotionally attached to someone before any sexual desires can arise. So a demisexual may not want a relationship at all or they just have to search and date a lot if they do - in a way, it's sort of like some women and sometimes men who choose not to have sex until after marriage, but in this case the marriage is just strong emotional bonds. Again, not my expertise, but if there's anything I may have missed or not clarified correctly, you could always google the terms separately or even post questions in new threads with the corresponding forum group on Empty Closets.

Sorry this was so long; just trying make it as clear as I can for you since you seem confused. Although second opinions could always be useful. Best of luck, PennyT.

 

1. LGBT club. Regardless of whether you have "a clue" about yourself or not, it is important to recognize that clubs are generally there to provide support and fellowship for like-minded people. Although these people may appear super confident, it may be just as likely that they began just as timid, confused, and scared as you are right now. It might be really worthwhile to attend one of their gatherings, and to speak with someone about what you're feeling. I would hope that someone would be able to relate to your experience, and then could provide their story of personal transformation. Doing this takes courage and bravery though, and it is well worth it. You can do it

2. "My whole perception of myself is changed." Although this may be hard to comprehend, it is important to realize that you have time to settle into this potential new way of understanding yourself. You don't have to know anything now, or come to any definite conclusions right now; life will continue to unfold, and you will continue to know more about yourself. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Keep investigating, stick around these forums, ask questions, read about other people's journeys, and you may find yourself feeling confident (with whatever orientation) in a period of time.

Best wishes,
Trevor