I'm 23 and this is one of the greatest jokes of my life. I thought I’m straight because the crushes I had are all girls. Then after I discussed my sexual orientation with C (one of my friends), he stated I am gay because I notice guys more compared to girls. True, I always notice handsome or muscular guys, instead of sexy girls. I love to look at handsome males or ripped male bodies. Female bodies? Not interested at all. Females with a beautiful face? Maybe. C even asked me what if I fall in love with a girl and a guy at the same time, who will I choose? I answered guy, because I think male bodies are more attractive to me. I even feel it is more comfortable to touch a guy’s muscular body compared to a girl’s body which is too soft… (Anyway, I have never touched the body of both genders as I’ve been single since birth). In my fetish, hot muscular males appear a lot, but I didn't fantasize myself having sex with them (I can't accept anal sex and oral sex, too unhygienic), I just fantasize myself touching their upper body sexually. Females? I think I seldom (or never...) have any fantasy about them. However, after I told C about the process I’m attracted to my friends, C and I realized something. I’m attracted to girls who are confident, sunny and nice to me which means I’m attracted to their personality. These girls are usually people who I already know for a long time. However, for guys, I’m attracted to their physical appearance first, instead of their personality. Most of these guys are people who I’m not very familiar with. And I’m attracted to them in a shorter time compared to the girls. C then suggested a possibility that maybe because I don’t have a good body physique and a confident personality, so I tend to notice other guys who have what I don’t have. This means I just admire them but this admiration has turned into a gay fetish. And in the way I described my attraction to girls, it seems more like a romantic attraction. For example, sometimes I thought about my crush when I was not with her. I got jealous when I knew I’m not the only boy who goes out with her. I felt nervous when I was with my crush and I was trying to figure out what word I should use. However, for guys, I won’t have such feelings. I won’t think about him when I’m not with him and I also won’t feel nervous to think what I should say. But in my opinion, as I’m not that familiar with these guys, of course I won’t have such feelings because we are not close enough to form a very close connection. I don’t even have a male crush. Anyway, C insists I’m a straight with gay fetish. He said there are two sides of me fighting each other. One is straight normal me, another one is gay-fetished me. However, I just think things might not be that way… I guess I’m bisexual, heteromantic gay or just gay? Or straight with gay fetish, as C said? Oh man, somehow I think I should just tear off all kinds of label so that I won’t suffer much. In summary: - I always notice handsome or muscular guys, instead of sexy girls. - I love to look at handsome or muscular guys. Girls with a beautiful face? Maybe. - In my fetish, muscular guys appear a lot. - According to my history, I’m more romantically attracted to girls that I know for a long time. - According to my history, I’m more physically attracted to guys that I’m not very familiar with, and in a shorter time compared to the girls. C gave me three suggestions to solve this issue. 1. Date a guy. If I really have a gay fetish, then this will live my fetish. If I’m gay, then there is no problem at all. 2. Work hard to get a good physique. If I still find guys attractive when I already have a good physique, then I’m a gay deep down or my gay fetish still has defeated me. 3. Date a girl. I might be able to fight my gay fetish when I’m in relationship with a girl. I will probably block all guys out from my feelings. But whether I’m really a gay or not, this is cruel to the girl because I’m just taking advantage on her. Hi people, what is your opinion? Any advice you have?
I would say: take a deep breath and don't worry about pigeonholing your attraction. It's entirely possible you're bisexual, or gay or straight but curious about the other sex. Why don't you try going on a few dates with guys, and a few dates with girls, and see how you feel after that? It's easy to overthink things and want to frantically put your sexuality into some kind of rigid "order" before you really get out there and live, but for some of us it's not that clear and we need to go out and see how our minds, bodies, and hearts respond to real people, rather than fantasies.
