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Hesitant about a label?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by aurora26, Jan 25, 2016.

  1. aurora26

    aurora26 Guest

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    Hi,

    I feel like my situation is a bit unique, or at least it just feels like it within my own micro world but probably isn't. I think that I am very afraid of labels because of my past, and because of occasional uncertainty. At the moment, I see my future only with a woman (it takes a lot just to type that) however there was a point where I saw my future with a man (one man - I feel no sexual or romantic attraction to guys normally, although I can notice when they look nice). I just really struggle for that reason, labeling as "lesbian". I also have this sort of negative connotation with the word because of the image that it sort of brings to mind because of mainstream culture, and past homophobia that I've experienced from people at school and within family.

    Essentially, I feel like I'm afraid of a label which is why I'm posting here. I really want to overcome it and be less internally conflicted. I know labels don't matter to me, it's more acceptance and what the label means... Accepting myself, really. I mean, I've accepted that I can't see guys as more than friends or like a brother kind of relationship. I honestly look forward to spending my life with a woman and that's all I can really see now or think about in that way. I think I just happened to meet that one person I'd turn "straight" for, which confused me a bunch. Does this make sense? I don't identify really with bi at all... But I feel like I can't identify as lesbian either in a way ):

    Any thoughts would be appreciated. And hi to everyone too :slight_smile:
     
    #1 aurora26, Jan 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2016
  2. whynot

    whynot Guest

    well.. that's actually common in the questioning process.. i myself do not refer to myself as lesbian but i have already accepted my sexuality a few months ago.. i prefer referring to myself as gay rather than lesbian just because i think the term lesbian is usually used by some people in an offensive way.. it's ok not to be able to label yourself.. you'll eventually figure it out.. and also i'm totally gay but i still appreciate it if a guy is good looking.. it doesn't make you any less gay..
     
    #2 whynot, Jan 25, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2016
  3. Really

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    It'll take a while. Just as you managed to type that you see yourself with a woman, saying you are gay and/or lesbian just take time. You will become more comfortable as you come to accept, wholeheartedly, that you are gay/lesbian.

    Just saying it, either here or to yourself help the words become less fraught. You'll see. Give yourself time.
     
  4. aurora26

    aurora26 Guest

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    Yes, I feel like there are some negative or offensive at times connotations with it. Although, I guess the same can be said in regards to using "gay" too. I feel like the gay label might fit me more... it seems less definitive in a way, but much much more accurate than "bi". And I do appreciate when a guy is good looking too, glad that someone can relate :slight_smile: It makes it more confusing though, doesn't it? It confused me for quite a while. But no matter how much I thought a guy was good looking, or liked to look, there's still no urge at all to be in a relationship or go any further than maybe kissing, but definitely not sleeping with. Also, I love looking at fashionable guys, but I think I just really like guys fashion!! When I look at a woman it's totally different, like I could have a relationship and do normal, coupley things.

    Thank you for your advice :slight_smile: I will try to say it everyday until I get used to it. I have come out to people about my girl crushes and for a long while I thought that I was bi, so I'm out as bi to some. I still feel very insecure talking about how cute a girl is or mentioning my ex-girlfriend or anything. I would never judge a gay person myself, I've always been pro and supportive just I feel some sort of guilt or fear that people are judging me or see me differently... Even though I'm still the same person on the inside and my experiences of same-sex attraction are just as normal as for any heterosexual attraction.

    Thank you both for your replies xx