Hey guys, Ive posted a couple times in the past but now I think I am pretty close to figuring myself out. I know I am attracted to women. That is not the question. The question I have been having is whether or not I am attracted to men. Several straight people have made jokes about me being gay and one good friend even tried to tell me I was gay after we went to a party at a couple of gay friends of mine's house. Ever since those remarks I began questioning my sexuality more and more. I noticed that I would have seemingly turned on signs around groups of guys, especially while I was high on weed. I thought this was an anxiety reaction the whole time. I have asked a couple gay people if they thought I was gay and one of them said no, the other asked if I could ever picture anal or something with the butt and again I said no, and this is true with both men and women, so he also said no you are not gay. I have looked at gay porn and for the most part I cannot be turned on. Any male butt stuff, big turn off. However, if I arouse myself with straight porn, I have, though struggling a bit, managed to get off to guys masturbating. I seem to not mind an erect penis? I purposefully say not mind instead of like, because it is quite subtle the attraction. When I see attractive guys, I do feel slightly attracted to them. Nothing is screaming out at me to get in their pants or anything, but I do feel something subtle. Do you guys think I'm bi, or bi-curious? Or straight and overanalyzing things? I am kind of curious to do something sexual with a guy, but I cannot see myself ever bringing myself to do it. Maybe this is because I have lived a previously straight life. Either way currently the thought of making out with a guy just doesnt click in my mind. Is it possible to be, 10% gay 90% straight? I have a very strong attraction to females and have for a long time, just now I am trying to figure out if I really do have a sexual attraction to males. any 2 cents appreciated. Thanks.
It's possible to be 90%, I feel about 10% or less attraction for women so thats pretty much what I am. Well, you can always experiment with porn, try different body types of guys, different positions etc and see if anything works for you, although its worth noting that porn isn't always an accurate indication of what you like, for example a very high amount of gay porn does absolutely nothing for me even though I'm nearly entirely gay.
I think it may be important to address the fact that "Figuring myself out" is a lifetime process. You have stated that you might be 90% attracted to women, and 10% attracted to me. That could and may be completely true. However, these percentages can shift throughout your lifetime. You may become more attracted to men, or you may some experience or realization that leads you to recognize that you are only attracted to me (sexually). I find it helpful to investigate and get honest about what my 'attraction' actually means. Although I consider myself gay, I find myself spending a lot of time focused on and looking at women. I appreciate their beauty, their style, and their grace. Although I used to interpret this same behavior with sexual lust, I know understand it as a deep appreciation and respect. I have had a lot of sexual experiences with women in the past, but this 'figuring myself out' and lifelong unfolding process has changed drastically over the past few years. Rather than trying to find the answer, maybe just open yourself up to different experiences, and recognize that the unfolding process requires patience and compassion. Make sure to remain safe; there is no need to 'rush in' and figure anything out. Best of luck to you, Trevor
'Figuring yourself out' shouldn't be your ultimate goal. Labelling yourself makes it easier to express yourself to others, sure, but just enjoying life and accepting what you feel should be top priority. Now for your questions. It is possible to feel 90% straight! There is even a scale for that, it is called the Kinsey Scale. Experimenting with porn can be an easy way to say what arouses you. If you are attracted to a girl, go for it, but if you feel something boy, never hide it just because you are supposedly straight. Go for it, see whether it works out for you. Lastly, I do want to share a helpful peace of advice: never repress your feelings. If you feel something, accept it, don't deny it or lie to yourself, it'll make your life a lot more pleasant and less of a burden to bare. Best of luck!
thank you everyone. More time has passed. I now know that I am straight. I had a case of HOCD. Although some people say it doesnt exist, I can say from experience that it certainly does. I was experiencing social anxiety, to which some assholes turned into a rumor of me being gay, which spread, and I began questioning myself about my sexuality ybecause of these allegations. the thought and word "gay" would play itself in my head all the time. I even developed a groin response from the anxiety. If I take benzos, I have no groin response and no anxiety... so thats how I knew it was anxiety. I will still be open to any feelings that I have. But I have never had the urge or feeling of wanting to kiss an attractive man. anyways, thats all, I don't have the reoccurring thoughts about being gay that much anymore. If someone or a situation makes me anxious I may have a groin response though, but much less to than before.
you're actually straight with nice appreciation of good looking guys for me you're just overthinking if you are gay or not.
I hear nothing in what you would describe that would make me think you had any attraction toward guys. For the record, it is HOCD as a standalone diagnosis that doesn't exist. But no one denies that people can have obsessive thoughts about whether or not they're gay. There is most certainly OCD, which is an anxiety-spectrum disorder that is increasing in frequency, and one of the anxiety-inducing, intrusive thoughts can be about whether or not someone is gay. I can't tell you whether you have OCD; only a qualified therapist can do that. Nonetheless, it sounds like there was some serious anxiety and intrusive thought processes going on, so it seems likely that was the culprit, rather than latent same-sex attraction. It sounds like things are going better for you, and that's the most important thing.
