So I have this crush on this girl and I've recently decided to kind of go for it and start talking to her more to see if there's any chance she could be interested in me. And so today I was kind of trying to flirt with her by complimenting her but then my friend joined in a complimented her. I'm not out or ready to be out to my friends so how do I talk to this girl without my friends getting in the way? I'm 90something% sure about my bisexuality but I'd really like to just date a girl to see. But I'm stuck in this dumb circle because if I were to date a girl then I'd have to be out but for me to be out I want to be 100% sure but for me to be sure I want to date a girl. It's just really dumb and I don't know how anything's going to work out. Has anyone else been in this position?
Hey 1ring, What you have described is what some people refer to as a catch-22. On the one hand, you want to make sure you're bisexual before you get into a relationship with a woman, but, on the other hand, you have to be in a relationship with a woman to know your bisexual. I am going through the exact same thought process right now. The difference between you and I is our social surroundings. I am no longer in school, and don't necessarily have to 'worry' or 'contemplate' the social implications of dating an individual of my own sex. Since I only considered myself heterosexual throughout my education, I didn't deal with this aspect of the question. Since a lot of your question appears to revolve around the social implications of dating another woman, I would suggest making sure that you are stable and comfortable with yourself before making any decisions. In other words, if you feel that you can't deal with the social consequences of your desires, then it may be appropriate to do some more self-acceptance and self-discovery work before making that plunge. Of course, it is unfortunate that people who have preferences beyond the heterosexual paradigm have to face adversity, but it is something that is still very real. If your only concern is that you aren't sure that you're bisexual, well then I think the answer is much more simple. Putting yourself out there and dating a few women is probably the only way that you will actually be able to discover if you are bisexual or something other than heterosexual. So, when you have the courage, go out there and explore. Stay safe+sane and have fun best wishes, Trevor
