I Think I Might Be Bisexual?

Hello everyone, i have been lurking around this forum for a while now but this is my first post. Seeing how everyone here seems to be such helpful lovely people i was hoping some of you may be able to help me with my sexual confusion. first though, a little bit of background on me is probably best. i am an 18yr old male from Australia soon to move out due to a bad relationship with my father. all thought middle/high school i was either excluded or bullied with the main 'insult' called being called a gay, fag, homo ect. among other things, i don't believe this is because i come across as particularity feminine, but more because it was an extremely homophobic environment. my home was not much better with my judgmental father being openly homophobic, not for supposed religious reasons but just because he has a hatred of any differences or 'abnormality' in people, so yes you can add sexist and racist to his list as well. Weirdly enough my mother is the complete opposite being extremely open minded, accepting for someone of her generation and upbringing, but most importantly supportive of me in everything I've done. i only ever had a couple of close friends growing up, all of which were male and seemed to be entirely straight. Presumably influenced my my environment, i was extremely judgmental and insecure in my early teens, i would act overly masculine and macho in every thing i did from the way i talked and stood to the hobbies i perused, doing this consciously and subconsciously against my true self in order to cover up the fact that i may not have been entirely straight. This was not because i felt that my personality defined my sexuality, but obviously other people make presumptions. Over approximately the last year i have and continue to move away from this covered and fake person i was and start being myself regardless of what others might have thought, this is obviously not simply the flick of a switch but the majority of people who i love seem to be happier with our relationship being more emotionally open. I'm not sure if this is related to my sexuality but i had major depression related to biological and psychological issues to do with social anxiety and self worth, from approximately a year ago and up to the last couple of months, and although not perfect lately the extreme boarderline-suicidal lows seem to have passed. although i was recommended medication from my psychologist/doctor to treat the symptoms i chose to decline them because i didn't want my personality changed, probably not the best decision in hindsight. I have never talked about this part of my sexuality to my psychologist or anyone else. First of all on my sexuality, i am defiantly not gay, not that i would have any issue being gay,infact i think it would make this whole process a lot easier, but because i have always had undeniable attraction to girls as well as those butterfly type romantic feelings. despite having what i think was sexual attractions and fantasies to boys from the age of about 12 and somewhat regularly onward i haven't really questioned my sexuality to be anything but totally straight until about the last year, denial can be a powerful thing when growing up in such an environment i guess. i put this sudden change down to finding really positive LGBT role models online. Having OCD related symptoms diagnosed by my psychologist means this confusing process is made all the more hard by my relenting obsessive thinking. so basically whenever i try to convince my self i'm bisexual my mind goes around and around with reasons as to why i am not and vice versa whenever i am convinced of heterosexuality. The general internal arguments for bisexuality include: i have had somewhat regular attractions and fantasies to boys thought my teen years - with one or two guys i have felt those romantic butterflies - when attracted to a guy it is just as intense as to a girl although inexplicably different - mostly male sexual fantasies lately, previously mixed - mostly gay porn consumption lately, previously mixed - some days i just feeling more gay - never fit in with particularly masculine, mans man types - possible internal homophobia even now -cannot ever imagine an entirely straight man having this level of confusion - drawn to gay male internet personalities - as with males, also being quite particular with my female attractions - wanting a gay relationship in the short term. My general internal arguments for being straight include: - being attracted to only thin, less hairy, young, femininely featured guys - attracted to more women that men my own age, say 10% vs %20 - isolated from women previously going to boys school and having few female friends - sometimes feel as if i'm pressuring myself to look at men in public to test my attraction - thinking that sexual attraction to women somehow negating my attraction to men - not even slightly attracted to older, hairier, very muscular more masculine men who would typically considered attractive - possibly subconsciously wanting to be bi to be more like many of the gay male role models i have - some days just feeling more straight - grossed out by gay porn initially as a young teen, although probably had the same reaction to straight porn - not being stereo typically gay in personality - only really interested in oral and topping, not turned off by bottoming just not particularly exited by it - slightly less picky with women, most generally considered attractive women i find at least somewhat attractive - can only imagine myself with a women when I'm older - can use sexuality to justify feminine behavior and interests - possibly subconsciously be different. Just to clarify i have no sexual experience with men and none more than making out with a woman. I understand that i don't necessarily need a label but for my own sanity i do think i need one, somehow considering everything I've been through i find it difficult to believe that i can be even mostly straight. I've considered secretly looking to have some sexual experiences with both guys and girls before 'coming out', but maybe this will just confuse me more and id much prefer to do that with someone i trust in a relationship. On the one hand i don't want to be the guy that gets all of this attention coming out as bi and ends up being straight but i also don't think that i should be ashamed of being confused even if i do end up mostly straight, nor do i want to keep lying to those i love. Basically depending on what reposes i get here and how i feeling at the time i may 'come out' to my mother in the next week or so, and i have confidence she will react sportively. So I'm just looking for anyone to respond with any answers, opinions, comments or support on what I've said. Don't underestimate just how much a response would help and be appreciated. Thanks in advance:icon_bigg(*hug*)