I'm a virgin.

I know it's not quite the same from a guys perspective, but I lost my virginity really "late" (compared to a lot of people) and I was pretty much terrified the whole time right up to that point - when it actually happened - it wasn't scary at all, with the right person - you feel comfortable doing almost anything, take it slow - support each other, have a good time - but the key here is everything will fall into place with the right person.

Unfortunately for me, since then the fear has come back - it's become "scary" again, and this is because other people have had different expectations from me - maybe they expect me to behave differently, or they want me to be more experimental or whatever - and the problem is when you're both on a different wavelength - that's when it can stop being fun.

I would say don't worry about what you might or might not do "at some point in the future" - the right partner will be understanding enough to support you with whatever it is you want during sex.

 

my first time (opposite sex), i was really nervous lot of things going inside my mind, i was froze, unease and uncomfortable being nude in front of her. but after she did her thing it was like magic, it comes out natural like you've known it since the day you were born. but at the end i got scared many questions like, what if she get pregnant? what if i dint satisfied her, what if... what if... so many what if (thats the scary part) LOLS.

gay sex: I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA! it really scrares me tbh. theres so many WHAT IF...? again going in my mind just by thinking of it. It was like sex on a different level.

 

It's only natural to be nervous or afraid of that. And ofc you can't imagine it now, I'm guessing you're not in love right now?
Because when you really love someone, you kind of forget that fear and it just happens.

You definitely don't have to think that somebody who loves you would leave you because you have scars!! I can tell you for SURE that a girl that you're with and you have reached that level of intimacy with would care in a negative way that you have scars. She might wonder where you got them from though.

Oh, and you definitely don't have to "insert" anything you don't want to lol, I'm sure your partner would understand if you don't want that - but who knows, your entire attitude regarding sex might change once you're deeply in love and also comfortable enough around your partner.

I was really insecure when my boyfriend saw me naked for the first time, too - it's been like a year and I still feel a bit insecure about it and relax more easily with the lights off; not sure why. I guess one just has to get used to it - and some people are more secure about themselves than others, but if you know that your partner loves you it really doesn't matter and you'll feel your insecurities fade soon enough.

---------- Post added 1st Feb 2016 at 06:12 PM ----------

It's only natural to be nervous or afraid of that. And ofc you can't imagine it now, I'm guessing you're not in love right now?
Because when you really love someone, you kind of forget that fear and it just happens.

You definitely don't have to think that somebody who loves you would leave you because you have scars!! I can tell you for SURE that a girl that you're with and you have reached that level of intimacy with would care in a negative way that you have scars. She might wonder where you got them from though.

Oh, and you definitely don't have to "insert" anything you don't want to lol, I'm sure your partner would understand if you don't want that - but who knows, your entire attitude regarding sex might change once you're deeply in love and also comfortable enough around your partner.

I was really insecure when my boyfriend saw me naked for the first time, too - it's been like a year and I still feel a bit insecure about it and relax more easily with the lights off; not sure why. I guess one just has to get used to it - and some people are more secure about themselves than others, but if you know that your partner loves you it really doesn't matter and you'll feel your insecurities fade soon enough.

 

I don't agree with that "bang a bunch of people before actually meeting one you want to do it with".
Sex isn't just a fun act for everybody. On the contrary, I think I'm not the only one who thinks you should share a moment like that with people you are in love with.
Don't stress yourself over that; there's people who are mid thirties and still might not have had proper sex.
Everybody has their own time when they're ready and I'm sure that if you meet the right girl you'll notice yourself loosen up. Just try not to be afraid of comitting into a relationship. I know that's easier said than done but you can't win if you don't try, you know?
And having a mean partner sounds horrible. I hope you got over her well enough(*hug*)

 

A couple of things...

Firstly - being afraid something is going to hurt is absolutely NOT selfish in any way, it's natural, and it's actually common sense - any loving partner would understand and respect this, so the right person will completely understand this - it's actually the other way around - anyone who didn't respect this or care for your concerns would be the selfish person in this situation.

"Sometimes I feel like there is a lot of pressure to have sex. Like, some people have told me that I should not wait until I meet the one person I want to be with forever. They say that I should try to experience sex with a lot of people first"

^ I completely understand where you're coming from, in my opinion the truth is neither of those statements, it's somewhere in between - and this is coming from someone who did leave it VERY late to have sex (although to be fair it wasn't my choice) - a lot of people would probably agree that waiting for the "perfect" person is unrealistic, - but sleeping with everyone is obviously also not a good solution for all kinds of different reasons.

The truth is, you get better at it - the more you've experienced it but in my opinion you should never have sex for any reason other than the fact you and the other person have a mutual understanding / love / respect for one another and actually want to do it - getting better at it or "practicing" or whatever is kind of like just the side effect that happens when you start to have more experience.

Trust me on this, if you meet someone who is a virgin or someone who doesn't have much experience, it won't make any difference at all if you love them - people used to say this to me, I didn't believe it - but in my experience it was true - not having had many sexual experiences does NOT make you a prude, it just makes you a sensible, selective, intelligent and smart person - and in my opinion those things can be sexy in themselves!

 

No, you don't have to be penetrated to have sex. There are multiple ways to do it, and they can feel just as good. Personally, that terrifies me too- because it hurts for me really badly and doesn't feel good at all.

The slut/prude concept is rather stupid. But in the end, it doesn't matter. Have sex if you feel ready. Don't if you don't. I had a long term relationship (which broke off for other reasons) and a "friend" saw my ex's phone and started calling us, mostly me- a slut... But really, it doesn't make sense. we were both comfortable and nobody was forcing each other. Plus, it felt good and was a nice experience. Sex can be great if you're comfortable with it, and feel good with the person you're doing it with. And if being comfortable means waiting for you, then wait. Do what you want and what you're comfortable with, and that's all that matters. There are benefits to waiting, and also not waiting, and just do what feels good.

Well, a good girlfriend would not make you feel bad about yourself. If the person you love feels the same, and they truly care about you, then they really won't care about your scars. They might ask, but they shouldn't judge. And honestly, most people would be more focused on sex than a scar on your arm.

If you're afraid and not ready, it's okay it's hard to do, but don't worry about what others think. Just do what feels right.

 

No, it's not true. Otherwise, all straight people would have to have sex with the same sex to confirm that they're actually straight.
I think that sex should be with someone you love- or someone you're attracted to, and comfortable with. So if you're not in love with a man, or attracted to one, then theres no need to have sex.

 

A sexual act that results in orgasm or has the possibility of orgasm is sex...whether it's penetrative, oral or use of the hands...losing your virginity is a very old fashioned patriarchal notion requiring that the only way to loose your virginity or have sex at all involves a penis.

Penetration is not required to lose your virginity. And penetration is not required to have sex with another woman.

That other site sounds pretty dodgy to me to be honest ...

 

Ok...now this is my personal opinion...

Losing your virginity is just you having your first sexual experience. There is no physical effect as such, except some minor bleeding and soreness from penetration, if that occurs...
Sexual assault is another thing entirely...it is devastating and scary and not your choice. As far as I am concerned, that would not be losing your virginity, because that should be consensual. Losing your virginity is more a state of mind...your first time experiencing sex...assault is not sex...
And, again, penetration is not required to lose your virginity.

Noting that many would consider assault that included penetration the loss of virginity...that may be based on the old fashioned notion of a woman being "spoiled" and of less value if she is not pure...
Honestly...fuck that.

In the end, you decide for yourself when you have lost your virginity...not anyone else, ever. And it should not be the big deal that it is.

 

About which part?