Hello, My user name is Dictator and I'm an 18 year old boy living in Amsterdam, the netherlands. I'm gay and I hate that about myself, I would pay money not to be gay because it's really not something for me to be. I noticed feeling like this when I first got a girlfriend around 16, I liked her.. as a friend, I didn't want to have sex with her ever and she didn't understand that, it lasted a year until she broke up with me which was the right thing to do. I feel little no nothing when looking at girls but whenever I spot a nice or handsome guy I catch myself staring and fantasizing. I read all these things about gay rights and marriage and even though I agree with all these things and that people should be allowed to love each other.. I just don't want it to be me, I don't want to say '' we '' need equal rights or '' we '' should be allowed to marry because I really don't like being gay at all. How can I deal with this, I really need some help here because my friends are all starting to wonder why I won't hook up with the girls that show interest in me and one even asked me if I was gay, I said no of course. I realize that there is no such thing as just stop being gay but.. I just need someone to tell me what to do at this point, please do. **PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT I DON'T THINK BEING GAY IS BAD.. I JUST THINK ITS BAD FOR ME. **
You asking "Why me..?" reminds me of trying to stop myself from being different than my peers from high school onward, hooking up with girls on a regular basis.. There's no point in being too hard on yourself, no matter whether you'll desire girls later or not...
I'm not sure what I can say without understanding why you don't want to be gay? Is it just scary or overwhelming. Either way, you're very explicitly suffering from internalized homophobia. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to not hookup with male or female, and maybe you're just not ready to approach this side of life yet. Attraction can be scary for many people no matter their sexuality. Remember you don't have to rush into anything or be out or act on anything, but you shouldn't be ashamed or hateful of yourself because your sexuality isn't the majority. Why do you think being gay is bad for you? Why don't you want to be gay? If I had these answers maybe I could give you some better words or insight to help you through this. Why is liking men alarming to you despite you thinking being gay is okay for others?
Please try to describe your fears. Make a list about why you dont want to be gay I understand completely how you feel now, well all the people here got this feeling of not wanting to being gay, and many of us overcomed it.(thats why we are here lol) It is all about a fear of being different. As I said, is always good to clarify your reasons, and then we can compare experiences from people who felt or are feeling just like you.
