I will try to keep this short, but in all likelihood, this will be long! I am 23, and really confused. I grew up in a Christian household and my extended family is very conservatove. I never really had crushes in school, at least until about 8th grade. My crushes on guys seem to be personality/intelligence based. I know I am physically more attracted to women. I notice things about women's bodies much more than men. I am thinking I am demisexual. I have been in a relationship with a guy in high school, but he was away at college so it was a long distance relationship. Also, an ex-best friend of mine and I had a friends with benefits situation that recently completely blew up. She and I were closer than anyone else I had ever been friends with. I also can't imagine a one night stand or being intimate with anyone I don't know really well. I recently went on a date with a guy I had just met and at the end I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I didn't want him to. I don't know if it was just him or if it was because it was a man and not a woman. I like physical contact, hugging, cuddling, holding hands, and all that. But I don't really know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to someone. I would say that I am more comfortable in a relationship with a guy, but that I am more attracted to women. Whenever I see two women in a relationship I feel... jealous? I am not sure if that is the right word to explain it. But like I want to be that happy. And I don't feel that same way when I see happy heterosexual couples. I know you don't need labels, but I guess right now I am searching for direction in my life, and for some reason I feel as though a label, even a long complicated one, would give me that.
