I was convinced that I was straight my whole life until about a week ago. Since then, I've been posting here, trying to get a handle on my sexual orientation. I think I'm gay. Maybe. When I am around a boy that I think is cute, I notice his level of sweetness and I decide whether or not he is boyfriend material. If he is, I might obsess over his existence until I get bored or I have something important to do without distractions. Some of these crushes last a week, sometimes a few months. I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to any of these guys. I've never wanted them to touch me. I once dated a guy for a few days and holding his hand was revolting to me, and at the time he was my best friend. On the other hand, I don't look at the girls I meet and analyze them for good girlfriend qualities. I can count on one hand how many crushes on girls I've had. Usually I have to be friends with a girl before I start really noticing them in that way. With these girls, I do want them to hold my hand or sit really close or something. Am I attracted to girls? Has my "straight upbringing" made me look at guys instead of girls? Any thoughts?
I think that this whole "checking boys out, checking out if someone if boyfriend material" is indeed something caused by social conditioning. Most young girls do it and although I never could have any romantic feelings or strong sexual attraction towards boys, I used to participate in that as well, just because I kind of had to and it was usual. I picked out some boy I found fairly cute and than chased after him for a while... I never really had real romantic feelings for any of them, though. Feeling insecure or even revolted by physical contact with someone might also be due to being inexperienced, but if you like physical contact with girls, it is highly possible that you feel sexually attracted to them but not to boys. Could you imagine yourself being in a relationship, having sex etc. with a girl? And with a boy? What do you fantasize about?
I've never been able to comfortably imagine myself in a relationship with a boy, but I can with a boy. But boys kind of make me uncomfortable, so that might just be boy-phobia or something. Sex with a boy seems horrifying, and I don't really understand sex with a girl. I grew up sheltered, though, so that may be why. I don't masturbate or fantasize about sex a lot. When I do, it's usually not me having the sex, if that makes sense.
