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think im straight but maybe im gay/bi?help?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by readinghilton, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. readinghilton

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Lake Havasu City
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    so most of my life, up until about 6 months ago, ive been straight. recently i noticed that i look at some guys like i do some women, even day dreamed about being married another guy the other day at work. while im comfy with the idea im also not so comfy. im guy with some chub (loosing the weight as we speak) and im also a little hairy, tbh i feel like i look like a "manly man" even been called it, i also want to become a cop. i feel like because of those things that i would be looked down on, i do consider my self a manly man. i enjoy nature, guns, trucks, like the stereotypical manly man stuff. i dont want people to look at me like im not as much of a man, i know its bad but im afraid that if i did come out as gay or bi, if i did marry a man that i would be looked down upon, but what do you think? is it just some stupid phase or am i gay or bi? if i am how do i go about my fear?
     
  2. AKTodd

    Full Member

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    Hi there - Welcome to EC:slight_smile:

    So, my thoughts on the situation you describe below...

    There are actually a fair number of gay guys who like a guy with some extra meat on his bones (do a google on gay bears - there are various sub-categories of these as well btw). Another fair number like a guy with some excess body hair (there are entire porn websites and tumblrs devoted to this, along with much else). Some of us aren't sure it's possible for a guy to have too much hair (and yes, that includes back and butt hair). A friend of mine knows a guy who's dating a sheriffs deputy right now. Several of the larger cities have LGBT police and fire organizations.

    Point being that tastes differ and the odds are good that some number of guys are going to appreciate what you bring to the table. The other side of this is what you think your tastes might run to.

    People who would look down on you for being heavier, hairy, or a cop aren't worth your time. It's impossible to please everybody. I'd suggest concentrating on your own health and happiness and letting other people's opinions take care of themselves.

    Some guys won't be into the same things you are. Others will be totally into the same things, or nearly so. Having an attitude of being willing to both explore new things and also allow your partner to go do their thing on their own works well in both directions in my experience. My husband and I have been together for nearly 20yrs and while we have some interests in common, we also have others that are totally different. Respecting each other and your interests is key.

    Some (but definitely not all) people will look down on you for being into guys. A lot of effort has been put into changing those attitudes and a lot of progress has been made, but Rome wasn't built in a day. In general there are those you can educate, those who won't care as long as you're happy, and those who won't be swayed no matter what. For the last group, you can pretty much just ignore them and move on to building your own happiness. As mentioned above, it's impossible to please everybody and your time is better spent focusing on what makes you happy.

    As far as whether or not you're gay or bi - insufficient information to really get a sense either way. Ultimately only you can know how you feel and decide this. That said, some things you might try to help you get a better sense of yourself on this:

    1) Try masturbating without porn and just totally to fantasy. Let your mind go where it will, not where you or society might think it will go. Does your fantasy move to you being with a man or a woman?

    2) Try masturbating, but this time explicitly fantasize about doing stuff with a guy. Can be doing anything you want. Don't let societal expectations about what you 'should' want to do (in general or as a 'manly man') dictate your fantasy. Let what turns you on most do that. See how that works out for you.

    3) Try masturbating, but this time explicitly fantasize about doing stuff with a woman. Otherwise same as (2). When you've tried it to both gay and straight fantasies, compare the experiences. Which felt better/was the most fun?

    4) Go out into the world and allow yourself to be 'gay for a day'. Meaning that, as you go about your day, allow yourself to check out guys. Again, any society expectations about what you 'should' be doing need to be left at home. How do you enjoy the experience? A lot? Not at all? Somewhere in between?

    5) Same as (4) but check out women this time. As with the masturbation, which experience do you enjoy more?

    6) Finally, going out into the world, try to relax and just let your attention go where it wants. Do you find yourself checking out men more or women?

    Depending on the answers you come to from the above, you may get a better sense of whether you might be gay, bi, or straight.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  3. readinghilton

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    todd, thank you, ive tried 1-3 and my virdict on the masterbation was that both were fun, almost no difference but admittedly the fantasy of a man was a smidge more fun,ill try 4-6 and report back on that soon. and i guess you are right about letting people say what the will and think what they will. i have noticed that there are quite a few cops comming out as gay, so maybe if i find that i am gay or bi chances will be good for me. again thank you for your reply.