Hello, I am 19 year old male and for the last 8 months I have been worrying that I am attracted to guys. I truthfully don't care whether or not I am gay but I can't shake he idea from my head. Every single day something triggers the thought in my head. I am fairly positive I am still attracted to women because I still fantasize about them but my brain is telling me I'm gay. I don't know what to do anymore it's driving me insane. I went to a therapist and she said I'm straight and it's just anxiety but it never stops plaguing me. I had to take a health leave from college cause I couldn't focus anymore. I've been telling myself I'm gay to help me accept it but I always go back to stressing the next hour or day. I don't even know what started this since I've never had a crush on guy. After going through this, I've tried watching gay porn to see if I like it but I just don't. What should I do to move on?
Lately I have been looking at guys and checking whether they are attractive and I keep having random sexual thoughts. I generally don't get aroused but I don't know if I'm preventing myself from doing so. I feel that if accept it the thoughts won't be so bothersome.
I think you are afraid of being gay, and that makes you want to be gay so that you can accept it and not be afraid of being gay anymore. I am saying that because you just don't seem to show any real gay tendency in what you are describing.
But I don't understand what I have to be afraid about. What is wrong with being able to love another person? I'm already used to being different so I don't care about the social implications. I'm not religious either. I don't see why I would be afraid. My therapist says it's anxiety but I don't understand how come.
I was in a similar spot as you in my early 20s. I became obsessed with the thought I might be gay, but did everything I could to avoid attraction. I was inna relationship with a girl and realized she was basically my beard (look it up), but I didn't want to accept that I could be attracted to guys. Gay guys shopped and did their hair... I didn't care about any of that. I was a champion for LGBT rights and gay marriage and had gay friends, but I didn't want to be gay. I just wanted to be a regular dude and to be accepted. But the more I fought liking guys, the more depressed and confused I felt. Do you know anyone close to you who is gay? What really helped me was reaching out to a friend who's gay and telling him about my attractions and what I was going through. Hearing from another gay person who knew what it was to struggle with your sexuality say "it's okay to be gay" literally changed my life. As for advice, maybe try going to the beach and pay attention to who you're *really* looking at. Can you imagine kissing a guy? How do guys without shirts make you feel? If you need some more support or advice feel free to write me on my wall.
I think because you are trying to find out if you are gay or not but you don't have any experience for what it is like being "gay" or what it is really mean. So you try to find what fit the "gay" category and so you look at yourself and try to see if it fit those but when all the puzzle doesn't fit what you think that define gay you get confuse and anxiety. You try to force yourself to fit what it is that define gay, when it is not you, so it goes against you and making you confuse. It is nice that you are not judgmental and seeing being with the same sex is normal or whatever. I think you should just focus on the present and how you feel now about who you like. Like right now, do you have any crush on anyone? any girl or guy at school that you have a crush on? If it is a girl then call yourself straight if guy you can just call yourself gay/bi if you care for label that much or w/e but tbh labels are pointless and meaningless. Things are always changing, feelings are always changing, you can't really lock it in place and call it this or that. What you should be focusing on is now the present. Who you like and who you want to be with instead of trying to find out the label to put it on you. If you don't really have a crush/like on anyone right now then focus on other things, things that you like to do. If the thought keep bothering you just say to yourself that you don't give a fuck anymore and you gonna focus on present and who you really like, want to be with in, or things you want to do in the present.
I've only had crushes on girls but as someone above me said, how do I know it's genuine. I've never had a girlfriend so i never had any past experiences to hang back on, only thoughts. I do have a gay friend but I'm not really close to him, should I still ask him for advice? I just don't want to jump to any conclusions now if it turns out i was wrong.
What are you afraid of? Probably not being able to live up to the macho standards our society imposes on young men. What do you think?
I suppose you're overthinking this. If you have never had any crushes on guys and only girls nor feel sexually attracted or like gay porn I find it hard to believe that you're gay. And I don't think the denial and suppression thing goes that far (at least for people that are not homophobic) that they think they crush on girls or don't feel sexually aroused by guys. I know I was telling myself so much I was straight when I fell for a girl really bad. You are accepting and supporting LGBTQ people so I don't think you could stop crushes or sexual arousal like that. Don't think so much, it doesn't matter what you are, and if you turn out to be bi, then so what? You can't "think" whom you love, your heart tells you. So quit thinking! Good luck with it, buddy.
