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I have to be gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Eric Dave, Feb 6, 2016.

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  1. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    I read Marx post here where he describes going into a gay sauna and meeting guys and masturbating each other etc and I felt aroused down there. There was definite tingling and erotic energy. I dint get an erection because nothing gives me an automatic erection anymore.

    I was diagnosed with ocd (hocd)and received treatment but think it was maybe bullshit. I desperately dont wan to be gay, never have done anything with a guy, never had any male crushes growing up but somehow in my mid 20's I lost my libido as I was having erection problems even during masturbation to women. I tried to jerk to a guy to test and back came the excitement but it has gone again.


    Anyway I started checking myself with gay porn hoping I wouldnt get aroused and I never did. This reassured me. I found it boring and horrible. This continued for maybe 7 years. Lately ive noticed it can arouse me a bit but nothing special.

    And also I've noticed when I read gay erotica or about sexual encounters with men it seems to give me this anxious arousal (but no erection). I could come if I jerked though.

    I feel like giving up hope I'm straight. I just want to accept I'm gay almost to stop this anxiety. If my mind and body want me to be gay so much I feel like confessing and giving in to stop going crazy.

    I guess Im chasing that arousal I felt in my teen years to girls. I used to fantasise every night about the day I had sex with a girl and the orgasms were unreal good. I cant seem to get that feeling again for girls and I suppose I fear if I dont have it for girls I must have it for men.
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Hello there, Eric Dave. Wow, it really sounds like you've been through a lot having to do with your sexuality. Have you ever thought about sex in a broader context and what it means to you in everyday life?

    If you were diagnosed with HOCD and received treatment to 'cure the gay' or whatever, if I am interpreting that correctly, then I indeed think that would be bullshit. Hopefully Chip or someone else here who knows more on this can comment on that better than me, but from what I've heard, that is a very outdated way of approaching these kind of issues.

    Porn is not a good measurement device for your likes and dislikes. I'm on the bi spectrum and prefer guys, but I don't like gay porn either.

    Erotica is, in my experience, a bit more "real" than porn. Then again, lost of straight girls read lesbian erotica and stuff, so this can't really be used to determine your likes either.

    You might be gay, you might be straight, you might be bi. You're very unsure, right? So accepting something you're so unsure of might not be a good idea at this point.

    At the end of the day, I think my main advice is that you find yourself a proper therapist that can help you with your anxiety. When the anxiety is in the way, it's like a forest standing in the way of the answer in your heart; your true orientation.

    In the meantime, do you have ways to calm down or distract yourself? Like doing things you like, or listening to soothing music, doing meditation, things like that. Such things can help you.

    Take care. xx
     
    #2 Invidia, Feb 6, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2016
  3. Eric Dave

    Eric Dave Guest

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    Hi. Yes I started going to the gym but it makes me feel a bit uneasy going in there. There are guys there and somtimes when I look at one I think I feel attracted. Also when I see hot girls I dont feel anything and I feel quite anxious then.

    I dont go to the swimming pool there because Im afraid of seeing men and feeling something. I've been in there before and I left feeling this horrible anxiety arousal.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    This is the exact same content as the last thread that we closed because it was going nowhere.

    You need a therapist, there's nothing anyone here can say that's going to help you, as you argue with every response you get.

    Please find a good therapist with experience with LGBT issues and with OCD so that s/he can help you discern what's going on for you. Continuing to post the same stuff over and over and over is not helping you and is taking advantage of the people here who offer their time.
     
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