confused, gay, bi, straight?

Hi!

I am seventeen years old, and have for most of my life thought I'm straight. I remember at the age of thirteen realizing that I thought girls were attractive and told myself that I only liked them sexually, and that I absolutely didn't like girls. I had never had a crush on a girl or felt anything for a girl before, so it was easy to believe this.

I have had romantic feelings for different guys who I have liked a lot, but I can't remember being crazy attracted to guys. I can find a guy's face attractive, but I'm never turned on by a guys body or anything, like I can be with girls.

On the later years I have struggled with extreme body image issues, so I haven't let myself get close to anyone in that way ever, so I don't have experience with relationships and I have never had sex with anyone.

For about a year, I've been questioning whether I like boys, girls or both, and what makes me think I like girls is that I'm very attracted to them, I can see myself cuddling with a girl and kissing a girl. The problem is that I can't see myself being in a relationship with a girl or falling in love with one. I have never ever liked a girl in that way, at least not what I can remember.

What makes me think I might like boys is that I have definitely had romantic feelings for them, I've been heartbroken over a boy and I've thought about being with boys since I was younger. BUT, a couple days ago I went on a date with a guy for the first time, and he was super nice, good looking, and respectful. He asked me if he could kiss me, which I said yes to and we kissed for a few seconds before I pulled away. He used a lot of tongue and I just didn't enjoy it. I didn't feel any butterflies and I don't feel a strong need to see him again, although I feel like I should.

I don't know if my point has come across at all, but I'm scared that I might like girls sexually and boys romantically. I don't know if I'm gay or not, I don't know if I'm bi or straight, I'm just extremely confused.

One more question. Can really low self esteem make it more difficult to figure this out? Because I've managed to tell myself that because of the way I look, no one can fall in love with me or find me attractive. Of course I know this isn't true, but it's a lot easier said than done to make that mindset go away. Can this be why I'm not excited about having sex with a guy? Because I'm so nervous about showing my body that it becomes the main focus? I have been excited about it before..